Feel like my friend is out to get me ....am I paranoid?

[isntitsweetiguesssoo]

I've name changed because I'm a little embarrassed but here goes.
I'm 35 and have always had relationships with men.
On a night out I met a woman who is good friends with my friend.
She's gay and had many relationships with women.
Anyway my friend said stay away she loves the women.

I ended up exchanging numbers with this woman and we got on well.
We went on a couple of dates and since then my friend seems to be on some weird vendetta against me.
She told this lady I'm "crazy and unstable (I'm not ) I'm clingy and can't do nothing alone (I go on weekends away alone and love my own company )
This lady's ex apparently was everything my friend is describing me as so not sure if this is why she's doing it.

It's putting this lady in an uncomfortable situation.
Anyway we are all (7 of us ) going away for a weekend away next week to the lakes.
My friend has invited another woman who this lady has previously slept with and has told me she will be sharing a room with this lady.

I just feel really sad about it all
I feel like it's going to push this lady away as it's too much.

If you were this lady would you believe her and run away ?

Sorry for the rant in advance

Your friend sounds like a shit stirrer. Unfortunately, dare I say it 😬, this is a not uncommon dynamic within groups of gay women. There are a lot of exes in and out of friendship groups and there can be drama when someone wants to stir it up. It sounds like your friend is that sort. Carry on with the trip, expect there will be weird jealousy issues though, consider if you really want this friend in your life though.

Your friend’s jealous of you having other friends maybe?
Or she’s homophobic deep down even though she presents differently.
Or she’s just a nasty piece of work who likes to upset people. 🤷‍♀️
I couldn’t be arsed with her drama so would drop her.

I would reconsider a friendship with someone that would lie about me/ shit stir.
If I was the woman you are dating I would reconsider the relationship, not because I believed your friend but because I didn't want the drama.

I honestly don't understand her logic
She thinks if she falls out with me then this lady won't want anything to do with me (which I assume is going to happen)

I'd get out of the weekend and back off from the friend. Too much drama. The lover, it would be up to her what she wanted to believe about me from the friend.

Can you not ask her to her face WTF she's playing at?

In your position, I would tell your ‘friend’ that something has come up and you can’t make the weekend away. Then I would distance myself from her so fast she wouldn’t see me for dust. It doesn’t matter what her motives are; be it sexual jealousy, platonic jealousy or just plain nastiness, she is not your friend.

Then I would talk to the woman you’ve been on dates with, tell her that you are not as you’ve been described and that you’d love to spend some more time with her, so she can find out for herself, but that you don’t want to put her in an awkward position so you’d understand if she chooses to believe your mutual friend rather than someone she’s only just met. Then step away. You don’t need to prove yourself to anyone.

Is your friend jealous?

What I'd do if I liked this lady is speak to her, explain everything you have here, everything your friend has said about her ex etc.

Then maybe the 2 of you speak to the friend together - find out what's going on?

So am I right in thinking that you hit it off with this lady and are dating her, but your friend seems to be trying to sabotage it? Could it be your friend is jealous and wants to date one of your herself?

Have you asked her directly why she is acting like this and telling lies?

Who's told you what your friend is saying? Has it come directly from your friend or is it second-hand from your girlfriend?

is it possible she may like this woman….. or, even you and is acting out of jealousy?

I would ask your 'friend' why she is telling lies about you! I certainly wouldn't be going away for the weekend with her. Why not ask your new lady friend away for the weekend elsewhere?

.

Sorry it posted before I typed
Basically the situation is my "friend " has told my new "lady " that she is no longer my friend and won't be anywhere I am.
So my new "lady " now has to choose who she spends time with.
She will decide it's not worth the hassle and cut me off.
I'm assuming it's my "friends " plan all the long

So she's an ex friend now. Then it's up to the other 5 if they want you, or her, to be at the weekend away. Given she's the one saying she's not going to be where you are, she might be either refusing to go (result!) or trying to get the others in the group to stop you going. How much hassle for you she is, depends on how much weight she has with the rest of the group.
Your GF, you can't do anything other than let her make up her own mind. I'd guess your ex friend was interested in one of you and clearly puts fancying someone above friendship.

@Opentooffers yeah I'm not going.
I've been removed from the group chat
Lady I have been seeing has been acting weird today
Not texting much
One of messages was her saying "well me and her have been friends years,il probably not bother going now "

Why has your “friend” said you are no longer friends?

Jealousy is lethal.

I had a friend (who was much older than me) who suddenly became very strange when I got with a guy she knew, (we all worked in the same place) she was 20+ years older than him but she still ultimately broke us up by going to him with lies about me…. Some friend haha I’m still baffled by it.

Is this all hearsay from the new lady? Are you sure you can trust what she’s telling you your friend said?

Your date should have the maturity to realise that when someone makes negative comments, they may have selfish motivations for doing so. Like jealousy. If she (the date) doesn’t actually spend time to get to know you or apply some critical thinking to what she is hearing, then she shows poor judgment. And you are better rid of both her and your “friend”.

FWIW, I am in a similar situation where a “friend” has lied about me to try to make mutual friends distance themselves and not want to be my friend. It hurts a bit that a friend would do that, or that others would believe it, but actually… realistically I’ve dodged a bullet by ditching them both!

The new lady has known the ‘friend’ for much longer than she’s known OP. She probably has no real reason not to trust her. I’d trust a long term friend over a new date and in my mid thirties I don’t know that I’d waste my time getting to know someone a trusted friend warned me off unless I had amazing chemistry with them.

Also, even if the lady knew that what she’s hearing may not be true it’s not immature to want to avoid drama.I wouldn’t bother with anyone who indirectly brought drama into my life (again, unless we really clicked). For people who don’t like drama I don’t think it would be worth it just to get to know someone who may not amount to anything anyway.

It’s an unfortunate situation, but I don’t think you can just assume the lady is lacking maturity and good judgement like you’re suggesting.

@PlumRaven but surely she should think this "trusted friend " was also my "trusted friend"
So surely if I was as bad as the lies she told her she wouldn't of had me in her life for over 21 years ?
Surely common sense would think it doesn't sound quite right.

This is what I'm wondering. Unless your friend of many years has form for backstabbing, or you've heard her disparaging you yourself, I'd be suspicious of where you're getting this information.

Exactly. If you are how your friend describes you to your date, why is she friends with you? Which is why your date would be well-advised to apply some critical thinking to what she is hearing. Maybe your friend has been a d*ck all this time and you’ve only just found out - you would know whether there there have been other similar situations in the past….