more visitors now I'm in beautiful area...

[redmapleleaves1]

I've just moved back to a lovely area after 40 years away. It is great that good friends want to come and stay. However I want to balance friends visiting and me hosting, with having the energy to get out there and make new friends; and I can't work out how to handle people who aren't priorities for me, but now want to come and be hosted now I'm in a nice area.

What do you say to people who aren't your priority who are inviting themselves? 'Ooh yes, do come by for a coffee when you're in the area?' Grateful for your phrases/tactics to say no, you're not staying here.

Thanks

Learn to say no.

Just say you've had loads of friends keen to come and visit and you've no free time for a good few months. You'll get in touch once things have calmed down.

Say you are considering registering for Airbnb and do they want to know when you have decided your rates?

When we lived in Cornwall everyone wanted to come and visit. Now we've moved away, ( not a million miles, just not so desired) no one does. Good. Suits me!

Don't be taken in.

Move to a less desirable area - that will throw them off and they'll be less inclined to visit you🤪

Take control, and if it’s not convenient, then say no.

Also, do you need to host all the time. Can you meet at a cafe instead?

If you can't do a hard 'No', say something along the lines or 'It would be lovely to see you at some point. I'll let you know when we've got some free time.' You could say vague things about being busy with local events.

"I'm planning on having some work done so unfortunately can't offer to host". Then just recycle it with how difficult it is to pin tradesmen down.

Lying like this just kicks the can down the road (and you may well get caught in it if they ask how the works have gone at a later date!).

It's perfectly ok to say 'sorry, hosting guests doesn't work for us, but if you're staying nearby we'd love to meet you for a drink / meal / walk etc'

As @FuzzyPuffling says don’t be taken in. If some of these people didn’t want to visit you before then they are CF. You could ask them, “Why now?” And put them on the spot but I’d not even bother with that. Just keep saying you’re busy. Enjoy your lovely new home town🙂

Surely you base it entirely on whether you want to see them or not? If you do want to see them, and would like to have them to stay, figure out a suitable time. If not, just say you have loads of visitors coming for weekends, and are keeping some free to allow you to get out and make new friends and settle into your new area.

Please don't lie. that's ridiculous. YOu're a grown adult. If the people are people wyou like and would genuinely like to see, but perhaps the timing is not convenient you just need to say that, "oh, we'd love to have you down at some point but it's abit manic the next few weeks/months. We could get something in the diary for early next year if that suits?"

If it's just cheeky fuckers then, "so lovely you want to come down here. We can't really host at the moment but if you're in the area, let us know and we can try to meet up for a meal or a night out"/

I’d say “Fantastic! Let me know where you are staying and we can catch up for drinks/dinner”

Sorry, things are just manic at the moment. I'll let you know when it calms down.

This ^^ Perfect.

Send them a menu with a 15% service charge.

I think your answers depend on how much you want to see people and how close the relationship is.

I visit friends in Cornwall every year. They are friends from university so I've known them 30+ years, from before they moved. I'm godmother to one of their kids. So I'd say we are close. Apart from family, there are about half a dozen people who are regular visitors, all uni or school friends. They seem happy with this level of visits. But even though I've been going for over 25 years I still wait to be asked which week I want to visit.
If you suddenly have a lot of casual friends suddenly wanting to be your best mate, then it's a straight no, you are busy, working.

Just don't host. Tell everyone they have to stay in a hotel and you can meet up once or twice during their stay. Then tell those you love that you're making an exception for them, when you ask if they'd like to visit and stay with you.

Honestly, these people are CFs of the highest order, you don't owe them tactful or polite, beyond the very basics. It's fine to be blunt with them, they're being extremely rude inviting themselves for a free holiday.

Also if you don't want them to visit then they're not really friends from your side of the equation. Start distancing yourself from those ones, you've moved away now, there's really no point keeping friendships going with people you feel so-so about.

This is common I’m afraid. A colleague of mine relocated to the Isle of Wight. He said he never before realised that he had so many friends.

Yes this! Are they clear they are expecting you to host? If yes, just say now you're living in Cornwall/Cotswolds/wherever you are finding that you are hosting friends and family regularly. You are sure they understand you need a break from hosting but you'd love to meet up for dinner. It's the truth and if they are real friends and want to see you they will book somewhere. If they are wanting a free holiday, they won't.

“We’re not in the position to host at the moment, but do let us know if you’re in the area - it would be lovely to see you”.

Ooh yes, do come by for a coffee when you're in the area?'

Exactly this.

Or more, 'lets meet for a coffee when you are in the area'

People are just bloody cheeky. This would annoy me a whole lot.

We live very close to London and Heathrow airport, and get this too! You learn to say no.

Just say no. Or say, definitely let me know when you’re down and we can meet up for coffee or dinner. Or counter with, would be lovely to see you, how about I make the trip to you this time? Just let me know a good weekend!

We live in an area people like to visit. I can’t remember the last time we actually invited anyone to stay. People actually message and ask basically when they can book in to come stay. I have one old friend who has now blocked me because I wouldn’t give in to her multiple requests every single school holiday. 🙄 Other friends, we literally haven’t visited them in YEARS, it’s been that long since they invited us over. One has divorced and has a new partner in that time. Two others have new houses that I’ve never even seen even though they moved years ago.

It’s just a no now. I’m fed up with running a hotel. Last year we had BIL and partner here for a week at Christmas. It was so expensive. It was the last year, I’m not hosting Christmas again unless people just come for the meal and take themselves off to their booked accommodation after. It’s not an all inclusive.

Say no being a martyr won't stop it