Autistic/adhd women... Help!

[FriendlyRobin]

I've got my doctors appointment for refer all tomorrow and I'm supposed to have done a sheet of A4 on why I think I have adhd and answer some screening questions on autism.

I have left this months (despite waiting years to build myself up to this stage) and my mind has gone completely blank.

I was wondering if there's any more women with adhd/autism lists or better still examples. I just want to be able to say "oh yes I'm like that" to some things (and not to others I know full well every ND women isnt the same!)

I know when I did my daughters DLA the Cerebra guide really helped as I'd look at a criteria and take it one way but the worked example would show me what it means... So I was thinking more along this line.

I built up how lists of examples for my kids on my phone before they got diagnosed but for me I'm all I know so I have no frame of reference and I can't believe I left this to the last minute!

So would love a hand hold /any links to examples online/any people examples or just share experiences of your own path to diagnosis.

Thankyou.

Well what makes you think you are divergent? What has led you to see the GP? That would be a good starting point.

Not filling in the form util the night before is also a good start.

So for example I had an adhd assessment because I was already dyslexic, and a family member who was struggling at school had similar issues to me at that age.

when I went for an asd assessment I didn’t truly believe I had it. All I said was I’m happy to wait on the nhs because I have 2 diagnosis and was just wondering if there was anything else. Turned out I had all three.

I really think that's something you need to do yourself. We don't know you. You know you,

In fact, showing up with a blank sheet might tell it's own story, but at least try.

I think the fact that you haven't done it yet can be your starting point, you can mention difficulties with planning and executive function! 😂

Its, not "it's"^

Tell us now why you're seeking assessment OP. It might be easier here.

I get it. You almost need a structure for whatever it is that you are going to write, as it then breaks it down and is more do-able.

Have a look at this, it may help:

https://www.additudemag.com/self-test-adhd-symptoms-women-girls/

You could then take each question as a paragraph to expand on and give examples of each in your own personal life.

Hope it helps.

I don't want anyone to do it for me! It's more I vaguely remember like an interpretation page/website/something

Along the lines of when they say this.... They mean this (an explanation) for example....

I might not be explaining myself well!!

I can google some autistic women diagnosis stories but it was more a specific like interpretation I was half remembering

Or a checklist.

A bit like I thought I could handle Change - and a friend pointed out that it was only if I initiated the change. If anyone else changed details or plans I hated it and I wouldn't do last minute invites.

Its not a good example but I know for months I've watched the odd tiktok where someone says they think they don't meet criteria then they see an example of what the criteria means.

It might have been the adhd tiktok lady.

I might also be overthinking this 😂. I just don't want it rejected at this stage because I've spent ages thinking about it and then gone blank!

Ah thankyou yes that exactly!! And that's just the type of thing I meant!! I don't want to copy any one else or be anyone else just wasn't sure where to start.

Its only as I've got older that I've realised how differently to perhaps the "norm" I function but because I am me I am my norm. I almost need a good friend to point out why I'm different...!!

Ill start with that list.

And yes executive functioningnis exactly the main issues I have (hence not sure if adhd /autism).

I'm crazy clever (oxbridge) but have a low level job, struggle to keep on top of having food in/cooking meals. Can't keep on top of housework. All things I feel ill be dismissed for as I present as intelligent and I feel so stupid saying I can't cope with basic things!

Do a free online Adhd screener. Show your score - including now you answered,
Make a list of you challenges that you think are adhd/autistic related. Plus and ND family members.
Go from there

Ha yes there is that. But conversely I want to turn up with pages and pages of evidence off her to forward!!

I first realised 6 years ago when my daughter was diagnosed... And so many things that came up as ND I thought were "just normal"!!

Then conversations with colleagues since and then the odd Facebook reels (tiktok in disguise) made me realise it explains so much!

Perhaps Google the ADHD iceberg. There are various things on there which you made associate with. Or take a look at instagram - or TikTok no doubt too. I follow various people with ADHD on instagram and sometimes they post something and I just think "oh... I'd never thought of that ... but yes"

Not filling in the form until the night before is an example in itself!!!

I don't think you should look anything up or put something someone else says down because you identify with it. Just answer the question honestly and from the heart.

Thanks yes I've thought that so often and now wish I'd been writing those things down as I thought them.

You don't know how you're different until someone points out it's a thing. But I'll start with the list above and the iceberg.

It's a bit like not knowing that xy and z are symptoms of a particular illness until someone tells you and I just have a. Blank page for the adhd so it's not specific questions.

Its more a do you do xyz and I can think about the ones I do!!

@FriendlyRobin you should just tell them you left it last minute and couldn't remember anything. That should cover it really

They asked me for my Passport unexpectedly in mine, I felt like they were testing me. I had absolutely no idea where it was

Some things I listed if any resonate with you:

Disorganised
Surrounded by clutter
Forget appointments

Constant overwhelm and racing thoughts
Struggle with remembering to pay bills / general finance
Impulsive spending
Leaving projects to last minute
Have no attention to detail
Unable to concentrate on something if not interesting
Will start of project feeling brilliant get abandon towards the end and leave unfinished
School reports all mentioning poor organisation and 'away with the fairies'
Need instructions broken down into small chunks otherwise I cannot follow them
Poor time management
Unable to plan properly even small tasks like how to carry items out of a shop without dropping them
Losing objects constantly

Good luck, I've been on medication for almost 2 months and it really is life changing.

Yes that was was the point I was making

Thankyou 😍.
This isn't even the assessment (that's a huge long waiting list) just the doctor doing the referral. I had a phone conversation with her a couple of months ago but took ages for the real appointment (she tried to put me off then - what difference will it make...)

I meant to google right to choose too and read up on that but I haven't doh.

Sorry OP I broke mine down into the different categories:

Disorganisation - past / present
Exec function - past / present
Time management - - past / present
Problems with focus - - past / present
Impulsiveness - - past / present
Attention to detail - past / present
Listening - past / present

And gave examples

A lot of what anyone else says won't be relevant for you anyway e.g. I asked to be referred for an assessment because I was advised to by my tutor on an adult education course for people with disabilities I was attending a few years ago. I was on the course because I flunked out of school at fifteen with years of bad report cards saying I am day dreamer/ falling behind in all my classes/ don't listen or turn in hw and my attendance was awful. I had been treated for mh problems since my early teens including several hospital admissions but nothing helped very much. I was already diagnosed with ocd. Etc
If you list off behaviours and phrases you find online, even if you really identify with them, they are less likely to take you seriously than if you speak naturally from your own experience.

So sorry I thought u were being sarcastic

No I don't want to just list behaviours but use them as a jumping point for my own examples.

I think I need to just get on with it now!

Absolutely not 😂 it’s a brilliant example. possibly worded terribly on my part (see my second comment for an explanation)

Many people have now suggested this to me including my current counsellor (final tipping point to actual contact the Dr) it's just so hard to describe something when it's just how I live. Which might not make sense.

Its like needing a translation - for example I thought I didn't have sensory issues with clothes for example as I'm fine day to day. So if asked I'd say "no I'm fine with clothing".

However... I only ever wear soft leggings and jersey tunics. And the same few... From the same shop... I've just accustomed to doing this as I'm nearly 50 I've been like this forever. It's just normal!