Autistic/adhd women... Help!

[FriendlyRobin]

I've got my doctors appointment for refer all tomorrow and I'm supposed to have done a sheet of A4 on why I think I have adhd and answer some screening questions on autism.

I have left this months (despite waiting years to build myself up to this stage) and my mind has gone completely blank.

I was wondering if there's any more women with adhd/autism lists or better still examples. I just want to be able to say "oh yes I'm like that" to some things (and not to others I know full well every ND women isnt the same!)

I know when I did my daughters DLA the Cerebra guide really helped as I'd look at a criteria and take it one way but the worked example would show me what it means... So I was thinking more along this line.

I built up how lists of examples for my kids on my phone before they got diagnosed but for me I'm all I know so I have no frame of reference and I can't believe I left this to the last minute!

So would love a hand hold /any links to examples online/any people examples or just share experiences of your own path to diagnosis.

Thankyou.

And now I'm thinking about clothes I only wear a particular type of padded trainer sock as hate the feeling around my ankle and it can't be too thin or have a seam and I never understood how anyone could go without socks in say flip flops or crocus... And now I could write about sensory issues with clothes now I'm thinking about it. Oh and I used to cry when I was given knitted jpers as they're scratchy and can't wear a hat as it's wrong or anything around my neck...

But I honestly before thinking about this would say I'm fine as I don't encounter these issues as I've had a work-around. I just buy FriendlyRobin-friendly things 😂

The fact that you've left the form until the night before in itself is a seriously ADHD trait!

And I've gone down a rabbit hill now where someone says they weren't assesd as autistic as they could make eye contact and I want to not go at all now. We know that people with autism may be okay with eye contacy

We know women often present differently too and I'm worried ill be judged against a male presentation. So I think I'm wondering too how it looks different in women. Obviously I'm going to compeltely learn all about this and be an expert the night before 😂

Ha yes. This is why teaching and I became too stressful.

I probably should have started a thread with "how does autism/adhd" look different in women!

Oooh Just found this. Lots of rabbit holes to go down!

https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/diagnosis/before-diagnosis

In terms of ADHD, have a look at the ADDITUDE website. Lots of information there on how ADHD presents in women and girls.

if you also have a look at K Nadeau’s work, she focuses on ADHD in women. Lots of others, but I don’t want to overwhelm you!

For now, just get the referral in!

I’ve just been through the process myself recently so please message me if you want further details. I went through the RTC route.

Thanks I forgot to read up on the RTC route. Do I need to do soemthing before tomorrow about that. Or do I get this refrmeral in and then do RTC after she's accepted it?

I am kicking myself.

Ask them to refer you to a private provider THAT DOES THE RTC OPTION. I can’t recommend any for both ADHD and autism, but I had a good experience with ‘Dr J and colleagues’ for ADHD. I think they also do assessments for ASD.

ADHD 360 also do referrals for ASD now, however, my daughter had an assessment with them for ADHD and I wasn’t too impressed (the clinician seemed to lack knowledge of how ADHD presents in girls) and she now has a reassessment with them. I would suggest that you ask that you are assessed by someone that is experienced in women with ASD and ADHD.

There are other providers also but I’m not familiar with them: (Psychiatry UK, Clinical Partners)

In terms of RTC option, here are the general steps I followed:

1. Have a look at providers online that do RTC (see above).

Here is the link for the one I went with and their RTC info:
https://www.drsj.co.uk/psychiatry-uk-right-to-choose

1. Do the self-assessment questionnaire on the website. However, don't be put off by this if you don't score highly, as the questionnaire is based on boys. ADHD can present very differently in women.

1. Have a look at the right to choose option on the website. For assessment for adhd and autism, you have a legal entitlement to chose the provider you want to assess you. The provider I had had a letter you can give to GP outlining this.

1. Book appointment with GP. Print out letter and self assessment. Take them with you. They should listen and refer to provider. Also, fill in the questionnaire in the link I sent earlier from ADDITUDE (aimed at women although not a diagnostic tool) and add that to the referral paperwork.

1. Give it a few days and ring/email provider to ensure they have received the forms from the GP.

1. Wait to be contacted with assessment date. It took for me 2/ 3 months. You can ask them what their waiting list is when you contact them.

Good luck!

Wow I think that sounds much quicker. I am really concerned about being dismissed as presenting as a woman being different and having someone who doesn't get female presentation. I naiively thought the nhs route would be more thorough and understand this more.

I've got my appointment this morning so I was going to go for the nhs route but now Im wondering if I should do RTC. would I have to change from the nhs route.

I'm feeling so overwhelmed I want to cancel the appointment.

If I go to them today with the nhs referal can I change to right to choose? Will she know about it? I dont think I can research the different providers enough in the next 2 hours.

Oh I feel awful.

Did the forms. And she felt very unsympathetic and kept saying it's hard to get accepted and is based on those with higher needs

And then talked all about my weight
I'm morbidly obese but completely dismissive and talked about calorie counting.... I think the fact I'm there for mental health /adhd/autism issues should have given her a clue.

I'm in tears.

So sorry to hear that, OP x

I'm not sure how how the system works in the UK (I'm in roi) but I'm sure someone else will be along with practical advice.

Ultimately, if you were diagnosed with, what are you hoping the outcome would be? What specific things are causing you the most difficulty in your day to day life?

I’m annoyed on your behalf op. The first time I mentioned it to the gp years ago the told me I was anxious and gave me antidepressants. No matter how many times I told her I wasn’t anxious she wouldn’t listen. I went through clinical partners, and then the NHS (so I’ve had 2 diagnosis of ADHD).

Sadly a lot of people still don’t take any of this seriously

That’s really awful. They basically invalidated your experiences and dismissed them, which unfortunately can be all too common with some professionals still with Neurodiversity.

Please don’t give up in getting the right support for yourself! Take a few days to recover emotionally (or however long you need) and arm yourself with information.

Here is some info on RTC from the ASHD UK website:

If you are based in England under the NHS you now have a legal right to choose your mental healthcare provider and your choice of mental healthcare team. This important right means that, for instance, should you decide the waiting time for your ADHD assessment is too long, then you can choose alternative providers. The provider must supply the service to the NHS somewhere in England. The providers we are aware of are listed below and we update the list regularly.
Right to Choose within mental health is a relatively new option (since 2018) and as such, not all patients, GPs or other clinicians are aware of it and how it works. We’ve got an explanation targeted for people going through the ADHD Assessment process below.

adhduk.co.uk/right-to-choose/

I would do some research and then see a different GP (or the same one if you have to) and let them know your are aware of your entitlement to right to choose. Do your research on providers.

Unfortunately, I have found that I have to be well informed before I deal with any professionals, which when you have ADHD is not easy at times! (Although I am extremely lucky in that my GP is very good).

Take some time to research providers and read up on information. It should be a smooth process but unfortunately it often isn’t, especially for women (too easy to dismiss it as anxiety).

Please don’t give up, you’ve hit a bump at the beginning of the road but you can get through it!

I’ve also pm’d you.