Our debt and my frustration/anger at dh

[Dawnofthedales]

Morning,

Had a shitty couple of days with dh. Neither of us have been great with money and dh took over managing the finances just before lockdown when I had our last baby. We’ve always carried debt in credit cards/loans and we’re both responsible for that.

I knew that we still had some debts but assumed that dh was dealing with these properly, It appears that whilst the overall debts have gone down he has also used some of the cards to help with paying for things like holidays for us, and Christmas etc. I’ve been really angry with him about this and he thinks I’m being very unfair. My issues are….

1. I thought the debt was going down
2. some of the cards are in my name so he shouldn’t have used them without asking permission
3. He should have spoken to me about our financial position more regularly
4. he borrowed £1500 from his mum to help clear a higher interest debt but didn’t tell me

He thinks that I’m being unreasonable as….

1. he feels that I’ve just let him get on with it and haven’t shown any interest or offered to share the burden
2. He pays all of the credit card bills out of his account so it’s irrelevant who’s card it is.
3. i should have asked about how we were paying for stuff instead of just leaving it all to him
4. he feels humiliated and as though he’s being given the sole blame

I should add that in every other way he’s a great husband and father. I can also see that it has all bern family spending.

I don’t want to disclose the debt figures on here but it’s going to take us 3-4 years to clear it all.

Am I BU to be so cross at him?

Both equally culpable. Bury the hatchet and concentrate on how to resolve this and in the future make a pact to regularly communicate- maybe every month when planning that month's outgoings etc.

Are you ok OP? This is not the way you thought the thread would go but now could probably do with a handhold and advice on where to go next.