BAME Name pronunciation

[ComeOnLet]

We are Indian. DS has a name that often suffers from an anglicised pronunciation. It doesn't upset him at all. One day in school he decides to tell some friends how his name is actually pronounced.

DS tells me that one girl he's friend with makes an honest attempt at calling DS by his actual name pronunciation (she gets about 80% of the way there) but that she seems to smile and laugh when trying to say his name.

Would you consider this a bit rude? As she she'll call DS by his actual name and have a smile on her face about how she's pronounced it.

Maybe I'm over thinking.

It depends if she's smiling and rolling her eyes at him or smiling with a bit of embarrassment because she's not getting it quite right. I'd be pleased that at least she's trying to call him by the right name.

It can feel awkward when you are trying to pronounce something right and know you aren’t, if it’s a one off I’d assume it’s that. If she’s doing it all the time then yes he needs to tell her to stop.

Is there a describer he can use to get people to say it right? Like Kamala H describes is as comma plus la

Yes maybe she feels embarrassed she can’t get it quite right, so it’s an embarassed type of laugh?

have you seen her do it? It’s so tough to judge without witnessing. I would hope as it’s a friend it’s embarrassment that she knows it’s not quite there yet. How old are they?

Well, it is rude, yes. But it may not be intentional and she might not actually be laughing at the name - it may just be a bit of embarrassment/self consciousness because she isn't sure if she is saying it right.

A lot of people seem to struggle inexplicably with names from other cultures. My surname is actually very easy to say and it's pretty easy for native English speakers to guess how to say it from how it is written, but it gets mangled in all sorts of weird and wonderful ways, presumably by people who are trying to say it right. I have no idea why they feel the need to overcomplicate it.

Gently, I'd say you're over thinking. Smiling can be an involuntary response if embarrassed - probably because she's thinking "I think I've butchered the name but hoping they take my attempt as honest and in good faith".

I sympathise. I'm Irish with an Irish name but lived and worked in the UK for a time. I had a senior manager huff and roll her eyes every time she had to say my name... Same person had no problem telling everyone that Daenerys was their favourite GOT character. Can't say my (popular enough) Irish name but no problem with that!

Honestly? You are overthrowing!
At least she is trying
I really struggle with this sometimes too

How old are they?
I suppose that she is trying but it might feel strange to her. She and others will get used it and will learn how to say it.

I think people can be very unforgiving about name pronunciation, unfairly so. Sometimes people, despite best efforts, just can't say a word in a foreign language right. I remember having this debate with a poster on here before. She insisted that Chinese people could say the name Rebecca correctly if they chose to. I would be much more forgiving, in that, if they repeated my name, got it wrong, we would probably both have a laugh and smile together about it. I know some people (as evidenced by threads on here) would be extremely pissed off about it though.

To the OP, I would think the best of people, and let this go.

@ComealongMartha 6th form. Obviously I think it's great she's making an honest attempt.and I don't think it's rude at all that's she almost saying his name correctly

It's just that I'm wondering about the fact she seems to laugh and smile when saying DS's name almost as if it's "funny".

I have a surname that seems to be difficult to pronounce. I don't know why...it really shouldn't be but it gets mispronounced all the time. It's fine. It has in no way impacted my life. I correct once and then move on. It doesn't matter.

What is you are asking for here? Is it social media permission to make an official complaint to the school? What other options do you have for helping your son deal with something that is likely to happen to him throughout his life?

This! I'd be pleased she's making an effort TBH

I am Scottish with a short name, four letters. A very simple name, or so I thought until I came to Germany. Most people seem incapable of pronouncing my name correctly. At the beginning, I corrected but soon gave up when I noticed it was awakward for them.

She probably feels silly that it is such a struggle to her. I have an English name, English people wouldn't think it was an issue, I usually use a shortened version. I saw a HCP this week, she mispronounced my name (it seems to be a name that isn't easy for certain language speakers to say) I didn't react, it happens. She then asked if she had said it properly and I said it is "x" but I usually use the shortened version. She laughed a bit, I just assumed she was laughing at herself.

She likely feels awkward at her attempt to say it correctly rather than laughing it his name. If she’s his friend she wouldn’t be laughing at his name, and names aren’t really that funny.

Trust your gut and your ds gut. If he feels uncomfortable he should trust those feelings. It aounds like she could be mocking him to me. Lots of people will say you/he are overthinking. Usually, that is because racism, bias however subtle makes people uncomfortable. Do not minimise your or your son's feelings out of concern for other people feeling indignant.

🫶🏻

People often laugh at themselves when they mangle a word or a name.

In this instance it's children and they have been calling him by one way and now he's announced it's actually a different way.

Children are bound to trip up trying to saying it 'properly'.

Don't make problems where there are none.

I would guess she laughing because she's used to saying his name the anglicised way and so now it feels like she's saying it 'wrong' even though she's trying to say it right. It sounds like she's a bit immature to me.

Don't be ridiculous. She's a teenage girl. They're giggly at practically everything.
I'm also Indian btw.

OP, nobody on this thread can help you. You can't judge unless you see it yourself - especially as you don't even KNOW the expression on her face. Your son claims she 'seems' to be laughing what does that mean.

Also maybe she has a crush on your son and is acting silly. Why is she trying so hard to get his name right anyway huh?

I've done my fair share of stupid things that looking back could be considered mocking. No I was just trying to get his attention.

I would personally be delighted that my son was happy with his friends and enjoying their company.
Why have you not mentioned the age of him and his friends - context is everything!
Edit - I see you now have given their class/age. At your son’s age he will be able to tell if there is any problem here- and he has told you there isn’t!
Flirting also uses humour, have you considered this??

Our very British name is mispronounced in Asia and middle Europe, we don’t take offence - the world is full of so many more triggering issues than this.

I find the English habit of giggling over foreign name pronunciation offensive and always tell my friends off for doing it (once the person is out of earshot).

It isn’t necessarily racist as Scandinavian names can suffer from it too. Idiots making people sound like some kind of IKEA cabinet.

English habit? Are all your friends English teenage girls?
Giggling is girlish behaviour in general and adults shouldn't really be doing for this things.

Also if people can pronounce Tchaikovsky and Schwarzenegger they can pronounce other names.

So your kid tell everyone they pronounce his name wrong, tells them the correct pronunciation, a kid tries to pronounce it correctly but fails and you think she's rude?

Mispronunciation of names from other cultures happens in every language and accent.

Sometimes it's because a particular phoneme isn't used in the language/accent (so very difficult to even hear the mispronunciation never mind say it correctly), sometimes its a phoneme that's not used in that position in the language, sometimes it's because there's a similar sounding name in the language that gets heard by mistake.

People laugh/smile/grimace from embarrassment and sometimes defensiveness when they make mistakes.

On the Kamala thread it occurred to me that KH, should she ever meet me, would mispronounce my name like every American I've ever met. If I corrected her then she'd mispronounce it right back at me. She might even laugh if I persevered because she'd both be struggling to say it correctly and also failing to hear where she was going wrong.

Surely if that were the case, she would laugh at the name when he said it, not at her attempts to repeat the name and getting it wrong.