GCSEs - a thread for those whose DC didn't exactly work their socks off

[Woofwoofwoofgoesthewolfhound]

Lots of the posts I've read so far seem to be about celebrating the achievements of students who have either a) worked very hard and achieved brilliant results or b) worked very hard against the odds (MH, SEND, illness).

How about a thread for the parents of teens who quite frankly didn't exactly exert themselves and whose results reflect that?

DS has done OK. And I've made a big fuss and said all the right things about being proud of him. But inside I can't help thinking 'you lazy fucker you could have done so much better if you hadn't have left revision until a week before the exams!"

It's difficult to watch them fuck it all up!

This was my DC last year. Got ok results but not the bag of 7/8/9 grades the school said he could have got if he'd worked hard.

A levels have been a massive wake up call for him this year. You have to put all the extra effort & reading in or you will get very poor marks.

I never tried in my GCSEs. Managed 6 B, 3 C and a D. Hasn't stopped me getting a BSc, an MSc, 3 post grad diplomas and 1 PGCert. I know what you mean, but perfect is the enemy of good. He did enough, a pass is probably enough. I failed my A levels. I wasn't interested. When I was interested, as an adult I did well. I now earn a 6 figure salary.

My kids have been the same as me and have all done well once they grew up a bit.

Just celebrate their success and let them work the rest out.

We all say that we want our children to achieve their potential. The trouble is that ‘potential’ is difficult to quantify.

It can be very hard to see the reports of high grades across the board, when your own child hasn’t achieved that, or anything near it. You can demonstrate a good worth ethic to your children, but you can’t make them follow it and that’s part of what is so difficult.

Maybe our views are skewed. Maybe it just matters that they’re a good person, kind, helpful, compassionate, friendly. How many people think you aren’t successful in life if you don’t earn a high salary. I think you’re successful if you are content with your lot, have people you love and who love you.

Thanks op it’s good to see this.

Mine is disinterested in anything non-creative and marks reflect that. he did manage a pass in sciences but at the absolute minimum.

Thing is he’s a natural entrepreneur and I think will do well anyway.

I could have written this OP.

I found it hard to say I was proud of him for passing everything when he put in zero effort. It’s not that the grades aren’t good enough, it’s that he didn’t try. I’d have been more proud if he’d worked hard but failed 😳

I don't think you would have done, that has been us today and it's been very very stressful

Yes exactly this.

I'm proud of him for many, many things, and I tell him that often. He's fab!

But honestly? I can't say I'm proud of the fact that he relied on being naturally fairly bright to get a decent but very unremarkable set of GCSEs. But being anything less than bursting with pride on results day feels like a parental failing!

(BTW it's not because I'm unduly worried about the future - I'm sure he'll get his act together. This is more about the appropriate results day response!)

I think you have to view it as they got the grades to move on to what they want to do next. It's frustrating watching someone not meeting their potential through lack of effort. A levels are a big jump from GCSEs, more effort will be needed but it can only come from them!

DS did well, but I messed up somewhere. We HE and I booked him in to sit Combined Science, which would have left him with 2 GCSE's. He got an A, but nothing else.
I'm hoping he can do his A-Levels with just 4 GCSE's. Spanish (7) Combined Science (A) and he will be sitting English and Maths in college.

What grades are we taking about here? My brother got 2s and 1s...we are absolutely shocked and I dont know what to advise him, I didn't do gcse.. does that mean no college for him? What then?

I'm here for this conversation. DS2 now can't do Physics at his choice of sixth form, and this means engineering is no longer on the horizon.

I'm sad for him, sad that he didn't try very hard, and sad that I allowed him and DH to tell me I just had to ease up. We didn't 'ease up' with DS1 and he did much better. Different kids, different approaches. I know. But still...

Sending positive thoughts to other naffed of parents for a night of better sleep than last night...

Sorry to hear your brother hasn't done as well as he'd hoped. Hopefully he will find a path forward that is right for him.

In my DS's case his grades are just fine for what he wants to do next (A Levels). And of course I am very thankful that we don't have that anxiety and disappointment to deal with. My post is more about how to handle it as a parent when the done thing is to gush about how proud you are of your DC's results, when in reality you're just... not.

Fine a college that will take him

Or he can resit.

Well, a big lesson in life for him I suppose? He might buck up and listen to you now?

It's so hard with bits, they (generally) mature later than girls, so won't always be "on task" or as focused as they perhaps should be!

Crap I'm sorry to hear that. That is disappointing. Is there definitely no wriggle room? DS has actually missed the grade for one of his intended A Levels but we are fairly confident (perhaps wrongly?) that they will allow him on the course (although obviously it's not a great start to what will be a challenging enough subject). If they don't then he seems reasonably philosophical about switching to a different subject that would be fine as a third A Level for what he hopes to study at uni. But this backup is equally tough and he's going to really have to focus if he wants to do well. He is fully convinced that he is heading for a top uni...

Eta - I fully 100% relate to not knowing how hard to push. I was very much a self starter, high achiever at school by this age, as was DH, so to be honest we hadn't a clue about how to best support a reasonably capable but very lazy DS across ten GCSEs. I switch between worrying we should have done more, and feeling that he was/is old enough to take more responsibility for himself. Gah it's bloody hard. I'm sure our parents weren't expected to be anything like as involved as I feel we're expected to be?

I think those grades might mean a level 1 or 2 course at college, depending on what the course is that he wants.

Yep got one of those! He was very sad today when he got his grades which were exactly what he deserved based on the effort put in (hardly any).. I also think I said all the right things and said 'well did you try your best?'to which he grunted 'no'.. nothing else needed to be said. I just smiled and gave him a hug... I guess they will learn eventually! X

Found my tribe. Sons grades werent great and he hasn't qualified for the course he wanted. I didn't push because it has the opposite effect. I know he'll be OK eventually, but the stress, the grumpyness, the anger outbursts and tears, God it's hard work.

A few years ago my son did ok in mocks (4,5,6s) but bombed his actual exams and got 3s in everything and 4s in English lang/lit only. He just didn't put in the work. He already had decided in a vocational direction but he was humiliated and I was disappointed to say the least. I felt he had cut off some options - if he had just past the five basic ones he could have more choices (he did pass math in college). But hey, he's 21, has his fitness qualification and has worked since 16. But he would have liked to be in physical therapy - which my doctor sister says in practical terms shouldn't need a degree, but it does.
Anyway it is what it is, and he has the drive and personality to make it, but he has had a huge blow to his confidence (didn't help he started college in 2020 and couldn't do any of the essential work experience). He will always have this feeling that he's not smart enough - he knows he didn't do enough work, but he also has that doubt, like if he had tried but still did badly? That doesn't go away.

I can't say I'm proud of the fact that he relied on being naturally fairly bright to get a decent but very unremarkable set of GCSEs

It's actually good to read this and realise I'm not the only one who feels this way.

Ds's results were good by many standards. Family and friends have given 'amazing, well done!' responses to the news. We've told ds we're proud of him, bla bla, said all the right things. And he HAS done well in many...he got 5 A grades, the rest a mix of B and C (Wales). BUT every single result was a full grade or two lower than predicted. His 5 A grades 'should' have been Astars and his teachers in those subjects especially have spent the last 5 years giving glowing reports of his ability and predicting the highest grade as long as he revised enough...he didn't and his natural aptitude for those subjects carried him to those 5 A's, not his effort. He was predicted an A in English Lang and he got a C - and will now have to resit it in his first year of A Levels as all 3 of his choices need a B minimum.

If this was his ability level and he'd tried his best I'd be thrilled. But he didn't. I knew it months ago, suspected that he wasn't actually revising in his room many times when he assured us he was. But I held back, tried not to be the pushy nightmare mum, gave him space, bit my tongue to stop from nagging, placed far too much trust in him. His results are overall far lower than they should be purely due to lack of effort and lack of drive, not lack of ability. I'm now kicking myself I didn't push him more.

It all just feels rather...flat. And bloody frustrating that he can't now start A Levels with a clean slate and instead will have English GCSE to do AGAIN. All for the sake of wanting to twat about on his Xbox for an extra hour in the evening instead of working. Bah.

This was definitely DS1 2 years ago, still got 6-9s but could have been higher, it was tricky with him as he is also a musician and was working a lot throughout however he could have revised way more.

DS2 has just got his results, he has autism, adhd and a phonological processing disorder. He is capable of achieving high grades but does have difficulty getting the written work done, he also lacks focus if trying to study at home. With his difficulties the grades he got were good and enough for what he wants to do (he is already working full time for the NHS waiting to start his pharmacy apprenticeship) but he got 2 x 3s also and I know if he had put a bit more work in he would have done well in those, 1 was a mark off a 4 so he definitely would have passed that.

I am mega proud of him for coping with school and exams, esp as just before exams he had a bike accident (dislocated his knee for the 4th time and is waiting for surgery as a result) then the last week of exams we ended up in A&E all night as he had Bells palsy. However it just frustrates me when I hear some of the other kids saying how they did so much revision etc.

I know I am totally unreasonable but I just don't want my kids to be complacent as life is hard and generally you have to work hard to get anywhere!

My ds needed 5 passes for collage one being maths he got 4 passes and a 2 in maths 😒 he has togo tomorrow with his results, am hoping if he agrees to do maths alongside choosing subject they will let him in, otherwise no idea what he will do. He also done no revision an just really isn't bothered.

My friends DS got a 4 in English, a 3,2 in science and the rest 2s. Still got into college to do L2 courses, just needs to retake maths. The requirement was supposedly 4 x L3 passes so there is a huge leeway. For L3 courses they definitely make allowances for some so 🤞 for him.

My son is very popular, emotionally intelligent, funny, witty, charismatic and I’m very proud of him. But he put no effort in at school at all unfortunately, he only passed two GCSE’s and that was scraping it with a 4 and a 5. Apparantly the highest he could get in his set because he was moved down sets due to behaviour, even though he excels at this subject and could of got 1 or 2 in this subject if kept in his original set. He admits he’s rubbish at other subjects and has no interest in them. I don’t agree that you should be moved sets and then physically unable to achieve maximum and capable GCSE results based on behaviour alone but anyways I was disappointed but I didn’t show it. My son is currently working full time for a building firm doing an apprenticeship and getting paid time and a half for Saturdays and double time Sundays, he’s working every hour and making over £400 a week, earning more than me at just 16 years old! not the end of the world whatever their results.