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Original poster

Children at a baby shower?

42 replies

RightTrainer · 22/08/2024 15:37

If as an adult you had been invited to a baby shower at the mum to be’s house, would you take your children/ask to bring small children? Would expect it to be child friendly and not adult orientated?

OP posts:
Happygogoat · 22/08/2024 15:39

I generally assume baby showers to be adult only events but depending on whether the mum to be already has children at home (?) I would ask if unsure.

Sheelanogig · 22/08/2024 15:40

I'd expect it to be adult orientated unless told otherwise (but I have never been to a baby shower).

Oohmegrapes · 22/08/2024 15:56

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Theladybirdthatheard · 22/08/2024 16:11

Funny everyone is saying they are adults only but every baby shower I have ever been to has included kids.

I guess it depends what type of shower they are throwing.

Definitely ask your hosts if little ones are allowed...

comedycentral · 22/08/2024 16:13

I've been to a few and there are generally a few babies but not children unless they belong to the person who's shower it is.

WhatNoRaisins · 22/08/2024 16:15

I think it's too new a tradition in the UK to really have a norm so I'd ask.

selldonaterecycle · 22/08/2024 16:15

I would say it's an adult invite only. Baby showers I've been to have all been adult games like 'guess that's in the nappy' so not really child centred! Depends on lots of things of course so you'd have to check.

Pumpkindoodles · 22/08/2024 16:17

I’ve been to a few that are boozy and women only and children wouldn’t have been appropriate, though a few babies in arms sometimes
and a few - typically the ones with men and women - that are more of a family event
I think it depends, it’s always been obvious to me from things like the venue and invite list what the vibe would be but I’d ask if you’re not sure.

Rory17384949 · 22/08/2024 16:20

I would assume adults only unless told otherwise

DaisyChain505 · 22/08/2024 16:21

I’ve been to my fair share of baby showers and not one has been with children there.

Rory17384949 · 22/08/2024 16:21

Been to one when my DD was 2 months and EBF so took her with me - been to a couple with young babies too but never older children.

SnobblyBobbly · 22/08/2024 16:24

I'd ask if I absolutely had to, but would expect it to be child free.

Coconutter24 · 22/08/2024 16:29

Are you the guest or the host? I would just ask if children are invited or adults only.

InTheRainOnATrain · 22/08/2024 16:29

I would it to be geared towards adults and children not invited but if one of the invitees doesn’t have childcare e.g. the expectant mum’s sister is a single mum and all her relatives that would usually babysit are also invited to the shower or someone has a very young breastfed baby they can’t leave then I’d hope they’d still be welcome!

If you’ve been invited to a shower OP and you can sort childcare then I would, if there’s no way you can attend without bringing your kid(s) then I’d politely ask but make it very clear it’s fine if it’s adults only.

meditrina · 22/08/2024 16:37

Ask - the party attached to the shower can be any style (and does not need to have games at all, let alone one suitable for adults only)

But I’d take as default that only those mentioned when inviting are invited. So ask in a way that means there will be no awkwardness for the host to say ‘no’

Cuwins · 22/08/2024 16:54

I have never been to one but my general assumption would be adults probably allowing for babies under 1.

reluctantbrit · 22/08/2024 17:00

I only attended one baby shower, a close friend. We are a group of 5 families with children and it was baby no. 2 for her.

The plan was that 2 of the dads would take all the older ones to a soft play for 2 hours. Just before they wanted to leave the soft play had to shut because of a water leak.

So we had them in the house and to be honest, it spoilt a bit the mood, they were 5-2 and wanted to help, play with us etc and we just wanted our peace.

I would arrange child care/leave it with the dad and go alone.

merryhouse · 22/08/2024 17:15

I wouldn't assume an invitation for anyone not specifically invited for any kind of party except a wake.

If it were close family I might ask at the time "is this a partner and kids occasion?" but only because that's the way we've usually done things. Anyone else I'd assume if they wanted my children there, they'd say so.

Original poster
RightTrainer · 22/08/2024 18:01

Now I want to know what @Oohmegrapes said!

OP posts:
LouisTherouxattheorgy · 22/08/2024 18:03

Adult only. It's for the mum to be.

mindutopia · 22/08/2024 18:39

Generally I would assume adults only, unless children expressly named on the invite.

WickieRoy · 22/08/2024 18:41

I'd assume adults only - it's usually a demographic that would mean a lot of very small children if they were welcome! Not to mention women more than deserving of an afternoon off.

DragonFly98 · 22/08/2024 18:41

WhatNoRaisins · 22/08/2024 16:15

I think it's too new a tradition in the UK to really have a norm so I'd ask.

Too new? My daughter is mid twenties and I had a baby shower.

Original poster
RightTrainer · 22/08/2024 22:29

Thank you all, the shower is for me. After a decade of trying to have a baby, I selfishly wanted something for me. Everyone around me has children, and I love them all and am usually a great host and all my parties and events have always had children at them and I cater and have games and crafts for them and they enjoy coming. Parents can switch off as I’ll play and entertain them.
I wanted an adult get together with my friends to thank them for their support to get me here and before I entered babydom.
Adults were invited and a couple of people assumed they could bring their kids, as is usual for an event I throw. A couple said they couldn’t come with you bringing their kids. One or two would be ok if it meant adults could come, but how can you then tell others there are kids there and theirs can’t come? If everyone brings their kids there will be more kids than adults and half will be under 5. It will be lovely but chaos. The party won’t be what I want and I will be hosting a kids party. The structure and things we had planned and already paid for would be scrapped and the decorations changed as they would be destroyed.

I feel stupidly upset and sad about this and then stupid for being upset and ungrateful that I’m actually at this point and I should just have a party where I’m running around catering for everyone as usual. A lot of it is already paid for.

If it was at a spa no one would try or even ask. And they’ve all had theirs kids free and talked about recent adult free spa days and craft center visits etc.

Just don’t know how to navigate this.

OP posts:
lazzapazza · 22/08/2024 23:02

I generally try and avoid the things and did not want one myself but to offer a suggestion.

"I am feeling overwhelmed and emotional at the moment and so only feel up to inviting and hosting for adults. However I do understand that this means some of you will not be able to make it due to childcare. I hope you are not offended and I look forward to catching up with you another time"

Then leave it at that and have a nice day with those able to get there without their little ones. You cannot have some bringing children but not others that will create bad feeling with some people.