What do you do when your husband tells you he’s having an online affair?

[MrsWolf39]

I mean like immediately. Or in this case, about an hour afterwards. I know I need time to think if I can forgive him and what to do and all the decisions, but like right now when I’m just in shock and shaking and all the wedding photos make me want to rip them off the walls and smash them, what do I physically do????? Do I try to watch tv? Do I get on with the housework? I can’t leave the house as am disabled so what the fuck do I physically do with myself? I hurt so much and also actually literally physically hurt from crying so much so what do I do?

youll need the full context and details of how deep the affair is ?

Watch a box set until the early hours and your so tired you fall asleep into a dreamless sleep. Hugs x

I'm so sorry.

I would barricade myself in the bedroom and completely ignore him. I wouldn't be ready to talk to him about it. I wouldn't have a drink in case I had too much and got too upset.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/3432729-my-husband-has-had-an-online-affair

Where in the world is this woman?

Is he sitting there?
He hasn't packed his bags?

Do you have a friend or a relative you could call?

Ask him to leave, at least for a day or so so you can get your head straight.
Talk to a friend.
Have a good cry but let yourself feel angry too.
Dont make decisions until you’re ready.

Valium. In the immediate. Boxing bag. Take yourself away for a week with a trusted friend and think about what you want to do. Don’t make rash decisions.

I'm so sorry OP. First, meet your physical needs: toilet, food, drink, hygiene, comfort. Then, think about your emotional needs. You could watch TV if you just need distraction for a bit. You could talk to a trusted friend. Definitely don't do housework! That's the least your husband can do in the situation. Wishing you all the best.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/relationship-emporium/202202/how-to-respond-to-a-partners-infidelity

When he says online affair what does he mean? Has he met this person?

You need a friend who knows you both that you can talk to for ages and go over it with

So sorry you are going through this. A few ideas here, they may not all be relevant to your situation:

Is there anyone in real life you want to tell about it? If so I would consider doing that. Maybe get someone to come over and be with you if that is feasible.

Look for and record any evidence that he may layer decide to hide if he backtracks from his decision to be honest with you.

Is there anything financial you need to act to protect? Money in joint accounts he may decide to transfer to himself?

Do you wish to contact the OW? Not often advised on here but I would certainly want to, and would probably do it now before he has time to warn her that you know about her. Catch her off guard.

Oh gosh, I was going to say get out for a long walk but I can see that isn't an option

I would ask him to leave and give you headspace.

Is there someone who can come and be with you or would you rather have peace?

Depending on your physical abilities, things I have done when very distressed/processing something awful but I can't leave the house

• drawing (well scribbling really) or writing out my emotions
• rage cleaning
• tearing up bits of paper (it was an activity in a therapy book I got for my son and was surprisingly therapeutic)
• find a comforting book /film
• punch a pillow
• find some good angry music and sing along

I am so sorry. He's been an utter shit

In the longer run definitely sort some counselling for yourself /you both as a couple. My therapist sees me online if i am too ill to get to her xx

Another one for rage cleaning

Is he still in the house?
id ask him to leave, at least for the evening.

Then, whatever to take your mind of it and get however much sleep you can get.

Now? I’d tell him to get to fuck and divorce him.

I'd change the WiFi password
I'd go to where we keep all our documents and put them somewhere else until I have time to sort through them.

I'd definitely ask him to leave, at least for a few days so you have time to think. You say you can't leave the house because of disability, does this affect your mobility? Do you have a friend who could take you for a drive tomorrow to somewhere peaceful in nature (lake, woods, wildflower meadow) so you can just breathe or have a good cry? This is what I would do tonight -

Punch some pillows to get the rage out
Have a long warm shower and get some soft comfortable pj's on
Try and eat something and have some water/herbal tea
Cwtch up in bed in the dark and watch some mindless tv, an old series you like or a film, nothing too taxing or upsetting. Try and get some sleep

I'm so sorry OP, it's a shock and you need to give yourself time to get your head around it. If you find your thoughts going round and round, try writing it down. I hope you have a good friend/family to support you. Remember you don't have to rush into doing anything. You can take all the time you need.

You’re gonna get loads of people to tell you to divorce him, about how they won’t stand for it, you are the only one who can make a decision, I’ve been in a similar situation, I actually caught mine at a hotel with another woman after he went off the grid for 3 nights, logged into his banking he’d given me just to see what was happening,
I felt pissed at first, anger then once I’d processed it I felt calm, I thought about everything. You need to decide if you can forgive him, or even if you want to, how much your relationship means now he’s been unfaithful. Don’t let anyone else sway you thier way. It’s got to be your decision otherwise regret may come later on down the line.