Hi,
On Sunday,18th November, I found out my husband has been having an online affair on snapchat.
I found out because he had been really suspicious on the Saturday night and I caught him about to masterbate on the Sunday and things didn't add up! I caught him as his iPad was out of its case and I thought my daughter had lost it so went up to ask if he knew where it was and he made up a weird lie that just didn't make sense. I pushed him further and I knew he was still lying. Once we were downstairs, I asked him if I could go through his phone, and he said so calmly, of course, there is nothing there! And I checked his sent emails, which I have never done, and there were loads of photos and videos that had been sent to his email and then hidden in other folders dating back since January 2018. He broke down!! Literally shut down! I had to find out who it was as he refused to talk! I called the OW and asked her about it! She confirmed they hadn't had sex or kisses but they masterbated with each other most nights!
He is so remorseful and has been so calm in explaining things to me. So much has come out about their affair, even to the point of him masterbating at work in the disabled toilets with her!
He's been under so much stress in the last year. We've both suffered from depression as we have a 13 month old so this started when she was just 4 months old. He's got a very stressful job and has been under immense pressure and this is clearly how he's coped with it. I have neglected him so much as I have felt neglected myself. I've deep down known something was wrong but wasn't able to do anything about it! I haven't listened to him or been there for him but with so much going on in our lives, it's been so hard.
I'm currently 12 weeks pregnant and feel like my life has been turned upside down! I feel trapped and backed in to a corner!! I know that if I wasn't pregnant that I would leave with my 14 month old and that would be it. However, I'm petrified of raising two under two by myself as I know I'll be having a c section so will need support at home!
I feel so betrayed and hurt and disgusted! I know that I will never forgive him or trust him again but does that mean our marriage will fail even if he comes home?? He is currently at his parents for the next 5 weeks and hoping to come back in the new year. I want the life we had planned together! But now, I feel it will be impossible.
I have no idea what to do or feel?! I can't tell my friends as I'm just so embarrassed that he's done this to our family and so embarrassed that I know I'll most likely take him back out of circumstance!
Please please help!