I've posted about this before under a different username. But I'm here again because I just feel so regretful and cheated. This is just a vent, I'm not looking for any particular advice....
....my younger years were rough due to growing up in a very dysfunctional family. I worked hard at school in the hope of a better life. My dreams didn't work out because I had to leave home at 17 without completing my ALevels. I spent 5 years going off the rails with parties, drugs and alcohol. I was very depressed.
I got myself together, did an access course, went to uni and started establishing a career. None of that was easy, but I was determined to. Due to my background I had developed an underlying mental health issue. I was not getting any treatment and was (just about) managing it...
....l was finally living! I loved my job, I had money to spend, I had lots of friends, my social life was great, I loved sports and exercise, I went on so many amazing holidays, everything was good. Better than it had ever been!
... then I went on holiday to a more off the beaten track place in a different continent. It was the best holiday of my life. I learned so much. I was honestly so naive about the rest of the world before that holiday
....when I got home I slowly started developing symptoms of an illness. The symptoms were fairly mild at first and diagnosed as ibs. Over the next 13 years the symptoms continued to develop until eventually I was in severe pain, exhausted, swollen, bloated and terrified. I could not get any help from doctors because it had been diagnosed as ibs. This happened between age 32 until I was 45. I gradually lost every single thing I had worked for, and I also failed to achieve what I had wanted, such as family, children, home.
It was difficult because I knew I was ill but no one would help. Every single day was a struggle to keep going. Also my mental health condition became unmanageable. While trying to cope with life in this situation I became vulnerable to harm and a lot of really bad traumatic things happened to me.
Last year the cause of my physical illness was discovered (I'm not going to say what it was), but I had basically contracted a parasite while on holiday at age 32. I had no idea. And it basically wiped out everything I had worked for and the next 13 years of my life.
I'm better now! The treatment was fairly simple . It's taken a while to recover my physical condition but I'm feeling good....
.... just cannot accept that one holiday took 13 years of my life. I'm better now, but I have virtually nothing left. I'm in my mid 40s now. All those years were taken from me. I am actually jealous of people who are enjoying themselves who are the age I was when I was unwell. I will never ever get my youth back. I'm absolutely gutted that this happened to me
... to practice acceptance and gratitude for what I have. But honestly I AM GUTTED that this happened to me 