Uninviting friend from a holiday

[ladyee]

Please can someone help how to navigate this awkward situation I’ve made?

A few months ago, I asked a friend if she and her long term partner would be keen to go on a long haul trip with me and dh. It’d be a week’s villa holiday in the Mauritius. She was super keen but her partner wasn’t because of the cost. She said she wanted to come even if her partner didn’t. Then she and her partner split up.

So I kind of left the idea there as dh didn’t want a holiday with a couple and a single person.

Fast forward to today, another couple we are friendly with have asked if we fancied a week long villa holiday to Barbados, in the same month we were thinking about Mauritius. We said yes and booked to go with them.

Now I’ve realised how mean this will look to the original friend. Dh doesn’t want to extend the invite to OG friend because she doesn’t know the other couple.

I’m a total bitch aren’t I?

FFS. What alternative do you think is better?

Mauritius and Barbados are different holidays though. Just contact friend and say that as nothing was set, you and dh are going to Barbados for a holiday this winter, and you’d love to do a few days away with her for a girls weekend or if she wants to do a Mauritius trip in the future, to let you know.

No need to get into that it’s a group holiday, or you could just say “DHs friends are going and invited us to join them as there’s a spare room in their villa.”

don’t get into trying to blend friendship groups.

Have to say you sound a bit odd as a couple that you can't holiday unless it's with another couple....comes across as you might be swingers 😂

Anyway I think it's really cruel of you in respect of your single friend. You appear to values someone friendship and worth to you only if they are part of a couple....

Odd to choose who to go on holiday with?

Why would you expect a personality clash?!
It’s far more unfair on your single friend to invite this couple, rather than the other way round; given that she’s already been invited…

But they’d already chosen once, and are looking to dump her.

“We never got any further with Mauritius planning so have abandoned that idea, Not in a position to set up anything as an alternative atm”

The message quoted is gaslighting because it implies that the friend was the one who called it off , even if only by default, because of her relationship break down. But the friend has played no part in cancelling Mauritius.

On a different holiday though.

I don't think there is a way to spin this one in which you haven't dumped holidaying with her for someone else. I think you just be honest with her and apologize and hope she takes it well. Tell her soon so she knows the holiday you were planning together is off and she has time to plan a holiday with another friend. You have been unkind here, maybe learn from it and treat your friends better in future?

@DoreenonTill8

Not about who they go on holiday with but it comes across as odd that they can't see to holiday without another couple being there

Girls holiday with you and your single friend instead?

As a single woman myself personally I can definitely see the single friend has been well let down here..

How dare your friend become single? Obviously she must know that makes her a social pariah, and automatically excludes her from any pre-existing social plans.

Can you suggest a week away with just you and your friend?

I have to agree with the other poster. I'd drop you like a hot brick if it was me

100% this! How utterly vile to ditch someone from a holiday plan because they’re no longer part of a couple. As if break ups aren’t hard enough. Way to kick someone when they’re down!

This!

He'll be worried that you will see your friend enjoying single life and start thinking of dumping him to do the same

I'd rather be single than be with someone like your husband tbh.

Totally agree that this is how it will feel to her.

You just sound like an incredibly shallow person, and I really hope your former friend can move on from this.

Yep. I’m divorced and friends have their “couples” get togethers and exclude me. I’m very happy to be on my own but recognise their attitude is ridiculous.

Oops. Old thread. 🤣

You have been incredibly flakey you know that when you went ahead and agreed to book the current holiday, and now you want MN posters to make you feel better! I would be very upset if I was your friend and if one of my grown up kids did this I would think I thought I had brought them up better.
I do understand your partners pov but also he lacks scruples and empathy.
You asked.