Old diaries

[Itsasintokillamockingbird]

I started keeping a diary when I was 13 and continued until my first son was born. Recently, I found them in the garage and started reading them. It was like being transported back in time and made me very emotional: first loves, disappointments, the ups and downs of university, etc. The hardest thing was recognising the impact of my dysfunctional upbringing on my relationships. I can now see why I behaved the way I did, but I had no idea at the time. I wish I'd had someone there to advise me.

My DH has destroyed some of his old diaries, but I can't bear to do that. Although they are difficult to read, my old diaries are precious to me. However, I'm not sure I want my children to read them one day.

What do other parents do with their old diaries?

Defo keep them. I got rid of mine when I turned 30 and regret it.

There used to be an event in London called Cringe, it was people reading from their teenage diaries basically. It was hilarious.

I'm so sorry you regret it. I know I would regret it too, even though I cringe when reading them. My grandmother told me she burned her teenage diaries when she got married. I thought that was so sad.

So funny that there used to be an event about the cringe factor of old diaries! I do cringe at mine, but I also feel compassion for the young person I was. Thank God universities have counsellors now. That would have been so helpful for me.

Bump

I had a bit of a breakdown when I was 21 and destroyed all of mine. It’s my biggest regret. I feel heartbroken every time I think about it.
All the romances and parties and clothes and music in forensic detail gone forever. So many of my ex-boyfriends and friends died young, and they were all in those diaries and now I don’t remember them properly.

I started writing a diary when I was 13. I intended it to be a sort of manual for my 40ish year old self about how to be a cool mum to teenagers. I wrote in it regularly until I was married and then every so often ever since. I read some of the earlier ones recently and discovered that:

1. my 13 year old self was a lot more similar to my ds3 than I realised
2. I'm not a cool mum, not even close!

There were some stuff in there that was really cringy, I seemed to go from one major crush to another fairly rapidly and I would never admit these crushes to my friends so I poured my heart out to my diary. There were also some really funny moments from school etc. I cut out the bits I wanted to keep and put them in a scrap book and binned the cringey stuff.

I burned mine. It was honestly embarrassing reading it back and if anyone else had read it I'd have been mortified. No regrets at all. I don't like the person I was when I was a teenager.

I’ve kept all mine since I was about 11. I recently read through the twenty something ones wondering if they’d be ok to leave to my kids when I go and parts of them definitely need censoring🙈

I’d feel too sad to get rid of them though so I think I probably will take a black marker to some bits in time- I don’t think the redacted bits would impact on the overall story😁 To me they are like the ultimate photo album- not just the images but the story that goes with them.

My mum very sweetly kept diaries about me when I was a baby/ toddler. And showed them to me. It was partly as she was a teacher by trade but was a sahm with me so I guess she loved documenting my progress.
I never kept a diary. I'm too ashamed tbh!

So funny that there used to be an event about the cringe factor of old diaries!

Radio 4 have a comedy series of celebs reading extracts of theirs:
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b00x8dq1

I have done this for almost 10 years for DS and don't know when I'll stop. Probably soon? It's for him to know about the early years which get lost in memory.

No idea where my teenage diaries are. I used to write about when the boy I had a crush on walked past my registration class window. I'd be on a high all day if he did. Later I had my own code to document what I did with boys, very cryptic in case my mum found it and learned what I had been up to. It would make hilarious reading I bet.

Interesting to hear the mix of responses here.

@Tradewipe - I'm really sorry you feel such regret over destroying your diaries and so sad to hear that so many of your ex-boyfriends and friends died young. One of my closest school friends died a few years ago and, even though I hadn't seen him for years, I think about him often and wish he was still in the world.

@elliejjtiny - I love your idea of creating a 'cool mum' manual, even if it didn't work out that way. I was the same about crushes in my teens. I like the idea of editing by sticking your chosen bits in a scrapbook, but my diaries are thick books so too much paper for that. I may just have to tear out the cringiest parts!

@Beezknees - I'm glad you're happy with your decision.

I binned my diaries which spanned ages 12ish to 21 (when I met DH) a few years ago. Am mid 40s now. They were full of crushes, tears, tipsy ravings and first loves, particularly details of ' the one who got away', my boyfriend before I met DH. I used to enjoy rereading them but all they did ultimately was still remind me of that dizzying early passion and sometimes nostalgia could border on regret. Decided it wasn't helpful, but what finally did it for me is that I couldn't bear the thought of DH or kids finding and reading them if I died unexpectedly. Thought it had the power to cause a lot of upset which I obviously wouldn't be around to explain away. So I put them in the outside bin on bin day and so they're in landfill somewhere. Yes I do miss the old me but I'm confident I did the right thing.

@LadyChilli - how brilliant that you had a code! I definitely should have done that. Instead, I will have to resort to the black marker pen, like @VictorianScreenTime . It's lovely that you've kept a diary for your DS. I tried to do something similar and have kept sporadic notes about my DC, but, honestly, I was generally too exhausted to write anything when they were young.

Like @VictorianScreenTime , I get caught up in the story. It's fascinating to me to see the narrative unfolding, especially with the perspective of time and age. It's also poignant to notice things in my descriptions that I didn't understand at the time. For example, I've noticed a couple of times when my grandmother did something subtly to help me when I was upset. She had a reputation for being tough and sometimes uncaring, but I can see a different side to her in my diaries.

@BobbyBiscuits - what a wonderful thing for your mum to do. And it's never to late to start keeping a diary, you know. It can be very good for your mental health.

@DisplayPurposesOnly - I've heard some of these and they are mostly very funny and entertaining. I especially remember the Chris Packham episode, though, because the audience were expecting something funny - and trying to laugh - but what he was describing (about the death of his kestral) was actually incredibly sad. I found it so moving.

Please don’t throw old diaries away! They’re valuable social history. If you donate them to The Great Diary Project you can specify however long you want before they’re available to read https://thegreatdiaryproject.co.uk

@Dahlia444 - I know exactly what you mean about the regret and nostalgia. I've been feeling that very strongly since rereading my diaries - and agonising over decisions made long, long ago that really shouldn't matter now.

I'm glad you're happy with your decision to bin your diaries.

My dad died quite young and very unexpectedly. Years later his mum died and clearing out her house we found her stash of his old letters - he went to prep and boarding school and they were made to sit down and write a weekly letter to home. It was so incredibly impactful having that connection to him. I didn't get to know him as an adult really as I wasn't really grown up when he died, so I only really knew him as my dad rather than as a person in his own right, if that makes sense. The letters brought him back to me and though it was very hard in a way, it was also priceless.

Anyway the point of that was maybe really do consider not burning them, consider leaving them to your kids, it can't embarrass you when you're gone and it could make them feel so comforted. It's also fascinating to get a window into your parents' life before you existed!

For example, I've noticed a couple of times when my grandmother did something subtly to help me when I was upset. She had a reputation for being tough and sometimes uncaring, but I can see a different side to her in my diaries.

@Itsasintokillamockingbird this is beautiful.

@HoppityBun that's a great website, thank you. I've bookmarked it.

@HoppityBun - thanks for this link.

@YesThatsATurdOnTheRug - "The letters brought him back to me and though it was very hard in a way, it was also priceless." This is so touching. They must be very precious to you. And how extraordinary that the little boy writing those letters was unintentionally writing to his future child as well as his parents.

@YesThatsATurdOnTheRug - 'Anyway the point of that was maybe really do consider not burning them, consider leaving them to your kids, it can't embarrass you when you're gone and it could make them feel so comforted. It's also fascinating to get a window into your parents' life before you existed!'

This is a very good point. I'm honestly not even sure they'd be interested, but I could leave them to make the decision. I'll still go through and edit bits out though!

It was very moving to realise what she'd been doing. There was another occasion I write about where I'm feeling distraught and my grandparents both stepped in to help me out, but so subtly that I'm not sure I even realised. I lived with them after my parents split up, so they were like parents to me and provided stability in a very difficult childhood. I struggled to come to terms with this childhood, but I'm certain that my grandparents provided a protective effect.

Clearing out my dear Mum's house after she died, I found her diaries all the way back to when I was born. I bought them home [ live abroad} and find great comfort in reading them but now I don't know what to do with them. We were very close but I know my kids will not want them so decided to shred them , but part of me still wants to keep them to re -read , they are a record of her life in the 70;s 80;s etc. Any ideas ?

I destroyed my teenage diaries during the early years of my relationship with my ex husband and always regretted it. They were absolutely cringe to read but they were a link back to a stage of my life that I can’t get back.
I’d go down the redact route in your shoes.

I binned mine when I found them. It was far too cringe 😂.

@saltrock123 - please don't shred them! You said they bring you comfort and there's no reason to cut yourself off from that. Maybe leave it to your children to decide what to do with them after you're gone. They may want to read them by then.

@SockPuppet - I agree with you about the diaries being a link back to a lost part of life that we can't get back. I'm definitely leaning towards the redact route. And I'm sorry you destroyed your own diaries.

@Flapjackfiasco - I do understand this! The cringe factor can be overwhelming. I'll be using a black pen and tearing pages out, I think.