False allegations in family court..

[Leabee1234]

Hi. So if a dad has a child arrangement order ( he sees child every other weekend and Sunday in-between) had to fight for this in court for 4 year old son.
The mother of child has stopped contact and put in false allegations of domestic violence and violence towards his child and also he has a criminal hearing of an alleged assault on her mother but this is also not true. However they only have ring doorbell footage if then arguing but no physical violence.

The mother has now put an emergency hearing in to family court for next week safeguarding concerns as she wants contact stopped again permanently
The mother is also pregnant with another child with this man due in October

She wants to move to the other side of country and cut him off. She has always been very vindictive

He has had to get an emergency solicitor and has just found a load of evidence of her self harming and trying to commit suicide infront of her children ( photos videos and voicenotes she sent to him)
Will this go against her in court ?

This man is my 1 year old sons dad. Me and him have finally became civil and I have never stopped contact he is a good dad to our son even though we have had our disagreements and he hurt me (relationship wise) he has never harmer our child or me physically.

I am just worried about him and also he is being accused of so much don't know if this will impact my son and worried social services might come knocking on my door.

Are family court fair in these cases? He is worried and says they usually side with women and he feels some can be 'racist' I am not sure as I have never experienced family court

In my experience of family courts they are always favourable to mothers, even with false cases of DV. I really feel for him going up against this vicious woman. Some women really manipulate the system and can ruin mens lives. I'm sorry my experience is not more positive but hopefully others will say different.

He is your 1 year olds dad but she is pregnant to him also? What a messy situation.
Unfortunately he will need to fight this with legal representation, does she have any other evidence you may not be aware of?

So he had a baby with her, then you, now her again? He's not great at decision-making is he?

But let's say this is all true, then I think the fact that he has evidence of her behaving dangerously and she has none of him doing dangerous things means he has a good chance. Similarly, if he has been religious about his contact time, always doing it as per agreement and is a safe and reliable presence in his older child's life, then I think that will stand him in good stead.

Yes. Very messy situation. I was with him while he was goint through court for his older child. I've known him years though. We had a baby and he unfortunately cheated on me and got back with his older sons mother when I was pregnant. I had a hard time but I never stopped contact i encouraged him and my son to have a bond. This woman then got pregnant so she's almost due. Me and her never have got along and she seems unhinged she seems to have a hold on my sons dad. He doesn't make good decisions at all . However I would never stop him being a dad unless he was a serious danger.

Hmm. Can he be trusted?? Who is telling the truth here?

Yes.. I was with him while he was goint through court for his older child. I've known him years though. We had a baby and he unfortunately cheated on me and got back with his older sons mother when I was pregnant. I had a hard time but I never stopped contact i encouraged him and my son to have a bond. This woman then got pregnant so she's almost due. Me and her never have got along and she seems unhinged she seems to have a hold on my sons dad. He doesn't make good decisions at all . However I would never stop him being a dad unless he was a serious danger.

She is saying her self harm cuts and bruises are from him and she's put in loads and loads of accusations. He always has been consistent with his contact with the order it seems

I am unsure what other evidence she has other than alleged assault against her mother he has a criminal court hearing the week after for this. But he is saying there was no assault

So he has consistently worked hard to maintain his relationship with the older child, and similarly with his younger child (with you), including proactively going to court? He has videos and messages she's sent him in which she self harms or threatens etc? I assume he pays CMS to both of you as per the minimum (or more) required? There is no evidence that he has actually ever harmed her?

I get why he'd be nervous, but I'd think he is demonstrating that he wants to maintain good relationships with his children.

My advice to you is to walk away and leave him to sort his own mess out.

Find someone deserving of you.

If you have "finally become civil" what happened before? The way it reads makes it sound that the father does have anger issues. You only have his side of the story and don't know for sure the kind of relationship he had before. I would think that it would not involve your child unless there is a question of abuse to the other child but I would be very guarded about being involved with him. There are always 2 sides to a story.

This.

There wouldn't be a hearing for his alleged assault unless the police/cps thought it had indeed happened.

Correct And always paid maintenance and been consistent

Can the dad get a third party to do drop offs? Plus use nursery or school on a Friday evening as a pick up place?
Do drop offs in a public place? (The place doesn't need to be far from the mother's home they can just be for example outside the local corner shop or cafe.)

These measures are very common. This should stop the arguing and hopefully any allegations of DV/DA made against him..

He needs to talk to his legal representative about doing at least the last but ideally two of the three.

The courts will want the child to see their dad as they have an established relationship with one another.

In regards to her moving over 90 minutes away what are her other legal arguments for this as there is no proof of DV? (You don't need to put them on a public forum.)

I only go from what I know. If I thought he was a danger or abusive I would never let him near my son. My son adores him however you are right I don't know the full details. I do know she is vindictive and capable of lying as we have had many arguments before and she's even accused me of all sorts. I was just concerned if this is happening if social services will come and talk to me and it may impact my son . Not sure what is going ti happen

Him paying maintenence and being a "good" dad is the bare minimum of what he should be doing he doesn't get points for this.

How do you know what she says isn't true?

Sounds like he is knocking up everyone around him and playing ye against each other.

Pick better next time and teach your children how to spot a useless partner so they don't end up in the same cycle.

Unfortunately lots of women and some men who are separated parents claim DV/DA as that's the way to get legal aid.

The cases rarely progress in criminal courts if there is a witness or footage, and the magistrate is aware of the complex nature of people's relationships.

In no way am I saying he is a perfect or a role model. I am civil with him for my sons sake. Me and him have had our differences but I've pushed it to side and tried to focus just on our child. In my opinion he isn't a good person in a relationship and there is no way I would want my son like him. I just felt bad if this was all false and his life being ruined and potentially impacting my son due to it. I have seen the evidence of her voicenotes videos and messages of her self harm etc thar she is saying he caused (but apparently did to herself )

I am not accusing his behaviour and he isn't the best dad. I live 45 mins away from him so he has our son every other weekend and every other sunday. He did not help when I was postpartum and he only started being more involved now our sons older. But I thought I wouldn't get in the way of my son having a dad if his dad genuinely wants to be a part of his life.

You're right I don't know the truth. I just go off what I have been told and seen

OP, if social services come calling (which is your question), listen to what they have to say and follow their advice. That’s what you need to do.

Personally I’d be a bit sceptical of what your ex is telling you, until after these court cases are all played out and you’ve seen the paperwork yourself.

Thank you. Yes I will see what happens over the next few weeks

If he has recordings I expect they'll be used as evidence. I hope the judge sees the truth, whatever it is. For your part your focus is your DS, and I'd be keeping well out of it for his sake. if social services come knocking and say you have to stop letting his dad see him do that. If they decide his dad isn't a safe person for him to be around they need to see you've heard them and are taking his safety and their concerns seriously by keeping your DS away from him. That's the best thing you can do to safeguard your DS if this all goes badly. Ultimately you don't know what went on in their relationship and the little you know about this man includes the fact he's a cheat and a bad partner. He's not exactly a stand up guy and much nicer seeming men than him have turned out to be abusers. I spent over a decade believing my now ex was a great husband and person. Focus on your DS and stay well clear of this mess.

You refer to the woman as 'this woman' with what appears to be utter contempt yet speak in glowing term about a man who goes impregnating multiple women!

What a sordid mess foe all the children involved.

It will all come out in court but the best thing he can do to show the court he is being responsible is not to send any of you any unpleasant texts or voice messages and for him to have proof of a vasectomy.

How has he just found out about her self harming in front of kids?

Who told him?

I'm sorry but yes I am using the terms this woman as I won't be stating her name and to me she is a woman. I don't have nothing to do with her and don't intend to as she caused me severe stress in my pregnancy and postpartum period. As did my sons father. I don't speak good of him in this way I only say he has been a good dad to my son in terms of being consistent and seeing how he is with him. He is in no way perfect far from it and I don't get on with him I am civil for our sons sake. It is a huge mess and deep down I wish I never had a baby with him however my son comes first and I always wanted him to have a relationship with his dad however I am staying away from the mess I just hope nothing impacts my son from this and if I do think he's a danger I would keep my son well away.

He has them saved from when this happened over a year ago as she is saying that her self harm injuries are from him (a year later)

Honestly stay out of whatever ridiculous beef he's got going on with this woman, it's nothing to do with you at all. Block her if you haven't already and communicate with him only about your son.

If SS do get in touch in relation to this just listen to whatever they have to say and cooperate with them fully, that's all you need to do.

His mess with his other ex is his to sort out.