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Original poster

Ask hospital to exclude staff member?

50 replies

dancingqueen345 · 12/08/2024 22:24

Sorry, couldn't think of a snappy title, but just wondering if anyone might know how I'm best going about making sure a specific hospital staff member isn't part of my elective c-section?

Brief background, I dated a guy about 6 years ago, ended very badly, fast forward 4 years, I was in labour with my first baby, ended up in an emergency c-section, and as I'm being walked down to surgery, there he is waiting to greet me at the doors. To say it floored me in the moment is an understatement. I was utterly panicked at the idea of him being in the room whilst I had my c-section but he must have made his excuses and was relieved of duty.

2 years forward again and I'm pregnant with my second and planning an elective c-section (same hospital), but i have this shadow over the thought of him possibly being there again.

Is it dramatic to ask for them to make sure he's not on the staff for my section? I don't want to imply there's any medical reason I don't want him there but also don't really want to start explaining the real reason. Or for an elective is he likely to see my name on the surgery sheet and be able to excuse himself earlier this time??

OP posts:
wizzywig · 12/08/2024 22:31

I'm assuming he is staff and not some weirdo that hangs around maternity units?

TomeTome · 12/08/2024 22:33

Talk to your midwife.

Original poster
dancingqueen345 · 12/08/2024 22:34

@wizzywig haha yes, he is staff, part of the c-section delivery team. Just didn't want to say what part as already feels quite outing!

OP posts:

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Zonder · 12/08/2024 22:34

Absolutely ask for him not to be present.

Original poster
dancingqueen345 · 12/08/2024 22:35

@TomeTome but say what? That he's an ex? I just feel a bit embarrassed saying that

OP posts:
PrettyPines · 12/08/2024 22:36

Aren't there rules about medical staff and proximity to patients ? I wonder if he shouldn't be involved anyway?
I think it's sufficient to say you know him and therefore aren't comfortable, I'd be surprised if they asked any more than that.

Original poster
dancingqueen345 · 12/08/2024 22:36

@Zonder who would I ask? I don't want to make a bigger deal out of it than it needs to be. I also don't want my partner to aware at any point so I don't want it writing in my notes or anything g

OP posts:
LongStoryLong · 12/08/2024 22:38

I agree with Pretty Pines, it should suffice to say you know him socially and you don’t want him involved in your care. I work in healthcare, and we frequently have patients making similar requests.

Turophilic · 12/08/2024 22:38

Are you sure he still works there? Is there another hospital nearby you could use?

The odds are pretty low - a planned section is generally with your own obstetrician, isn’t it?

Scrambledchickens · 12/08/2024 22:39

Hi labour suite midwife here, you can definitely specify this. We are always mindful that people we know in real life may not want us looking after them. Have it put in your notes at your next visit or call the sister in charge of theatres and make it known. Don’t feel bad about it at all x

Ponderingwindow · 12/08/2024 22:40

I have a pre-existing relationship with a member of the obstetrics staff. I am not comfortable with them being part of my care team under routine circumstances. I understand in the event of an emergency, with myself or another patient, there may not be a substitute staff member available.

Original poster
dancingqueen345 · 12/08/2024 22:40

@LongStoryLong @PrettyPines okay so I just tell my midwife and I can trust that that will then make its way back to the hospital and be actioned?

My midwife is based out of a community centre not in the same town as the hospital of that makes any difference.

OP posts:
Original poster
dancingqueen345 · 12/08/2024 22:41

@Turophilic yes pretty sure he still works there, I googled him the other day to try and check that and he was in an article from May!

OP posts:
Original poster
dancingqueen345 · 12/08/2024 22:42

@Turophilic I'm not sure what you mean by own obstetrician? I don't have one (that I'm aware of)

OP posts:
PoodlesRUs · 12/08/2024 22:45

He was professional the first time and removed himself (probably by saying he had a personal connection with you) so he would do the same again if necessary.

P.S. presumably your husband knows you've had previous boyfriends!? It's even better if he is aware because then he can discreetly raise it if necessary rather than you trying to bring it up whilst on a trolley etc.

Original poster
dancingqueen345 · 12/08/2024 22:49

@PoodlesRUs yeah of course he does, it's just I felt like it sort of tainted it for me slightly him being there and I just don't want to do that to my partner!

OP posts:
FerreroFan · 12/08/2024 22:56

I asked for a certain staff member not to be there for my C - section. I just spoke to one of the nurses at the hospital. I had had a run in with the staff member as a patient (his manner was rude) so a different situation but the nurse mentioned to me that they did get these kinds of requests sometimes.

PoodlesRUs · 12/08/2024 22:56

I'm sure he doesn't care! I bet he's thinking "I'm about to see my DC for the first time", rather than "yay for the kid but shame about the ex" ;-)

summerlovingvibes · 12/08/2024 22:57

I've hand a similar situation - not an ex but someone I didn't want there due to personal connections. I wrote it in my birth plan, told my community midwife and she advised me to contact the delivery suite directly when I had my date.

So when I got my date, I called the delivery suite attached to the elective theatres, asked to speak to the ward manager and then explained. She was very good, said she'd look at the off duty rota for the day of my election and deal with it.

Didn't hear anything more but on day of elective they weren't present. No idea if they were on duty or not. We lasso have 2 elective theatres so perhaps they swapped me from one list to another. No idea.

So I would do same approach - contact delivery suit directly.

CaptainCabinets · 12/08/2024 23:03

Of course you can ask for him not to be present! He clearly feels the same way if he excused himself the first time.

There’s a midwife at the hospital I work and am also due to give birth at who I will request has no part in my care after she wrote my car off in the hospital car park a couple of years ago and was utterly vile to me, harassing me to drop my insurance claim against her for months afterwards. I didn’t, and she was found 100% at fault so I can imagine she hates me even more now!

SockQueen · 12/08/2024 23:04

Turophilic · 12/08/2024 22:38

Are you sure he still works there? Is there another hospital nearby you could use?

The odds are pretty low - a planned section is generally with your own obstetrician, isn’t it?

  1. no, not usually - while sometimes consultants still book patients directly to their own lists, a lot of the time elective CS patients are just allocated to a list and get whoever is operating that day.

  2. even if it was her usual obstetrician operating, there are plenty of other people in theatre that this ex could be - anaesthetist, ODP, scrub staff (usually 2 or 3), HCA, porters etc.

@dancingqueen345 contact whoever books your section - I assume you'll have had at least some hospital appointments for this? It's totally fine to make this sort of request. Then on the day, repeat it to the midwife looking after you/the obstetrician or anaesthetist when they come to see you.

I'm an obstetric anaesthetist and would be happy to make polite enquiries/rearrangements if necessary.

Shiveringinthecountry · 12/08/2024 23:09

I would just explain he's an ex. I really don't think you need to be at all embarrassed telling them that. It's perfectly natural for you not to want him to be present and any normal,person will completely understand. I hope you can get this sorted out asap so that you don't need to worry about it in agree with the advice to raise it with your midwife, asap.

Turophilic · 13/08/2024 00:15

Thanks for clarifying, @SockQueen - it’s been a long time since mine, and it was my consultant and her team.

Wahine24 · 13/08/2024 00:54

@dancingqueen345
Hi, I had similar hospital experience
1* I knew the nurse about to watch a procedure I was about to have , we locked eyes and she made her excuses to leave another nurse came in, in her place.
2* surgery , ready to go, on trolley etc, one of the team realises he knows my partner well through sport ( not married different surnames ) so he came and asked me if it was ok to stay, I said I wasn't bothered
3* bloods again knew the nurse ( do not like her) she asked if she could do procedure I said no and waited for someone else.
I think there is some protocol in place for these situations, you won't be the first or last to ask for someone not to be invoiced on your medical care

Willowkins · 13/08/2024 01:01

What I'm getting here is that you're stressed. Stressed even by the thought that he might be there. I'd get it written into your birth plan than you want him excluded for that reason (don't need to give any more detail than that but if you feel you must just say personal reasons). Then you can try to stop worrying about it. Hope all goes well.