Ask hospital to exclude staff member?

[dancingqueen345]

Sorry, couldn't think of a snappy title, but just wondering if anyone might know how I'm best going about making sure a specific hospital staff member isn't part of my elective c-section?

Brief background, I dated a guy about 6 years ago, ended very badly, fast forward 4 years, I was in labour with my first baby, ended up in an emergency c-section, and as I'm being walked down to surgery, there he is waiting to greet me at the doors. To say it floored me in the moment is an understatement. I was utterly panicked at the idea of him being in the room whilst I had my c-section but he must have made his excuses and was relieved of duty.

2 years forward again and I'm pregnant with my second and planning an elective c-section (same hospital), but i have this shadow over the thought of him possibly being there again.

Is it dramatic to ask for them to make sure he's not on the staff for my section? I don't want to imply there's any medical reason I don't want him there but also don't really want to start explaining the real reason. Or for an elective is he likely to see my name on the surgery sheet and be able to excuse himself earlier this time??

*involved not invoiced

They won't be able to guarantee that. Could you book at a different hospital?

Yes perfectly fine to say this. I worked in the NHS and this is not a problem.

Is he a midwife? I’m pretty sure when I did my birth plan they told me there was a possibility I’d have a male midwife at the hospital and said I could ask not to. It didn’t bother me, which was lucky as I did (after getting through 3 previous sets of midwife’s) get him, where he ended up assisting with my unplanned c-section.

sounds like he was a professional and excused himself. Be professional too and can ask not to have him there because you know him socially - please don’t make up a medical excuse and try ruin his career because you feel uncomfortable you had previous partners.

There is no problem with him not being involved. It should be in your notes though, everything is documented these days and honestly how else would information get to people and be retained? Staff will have other patients to hold in their mind too and have seen hundreds of people in between your request and your time in hospital. Your notes are yours so husband doesn’t have the right to access them. Do you think he would ask to look at them? If someone asks me not to document something in case their husband finds out, I would be concerned?

in terms of being outing to say what he does - I presume a doctor or midwife/nurse who can be replaced relatively easily… obviously he was the last time so I can’t think of anything that’s so niche that no one else in the hospital could do?

well substitute your own wording ....

Given that he acted professionally and opted out of the first one i am sure he would do the same second time. Hopefully it is policy/good practice not to work with people you know. I know a midwife who swapped out as she had connection to a friend in labour and even though friend didnt mind midwife switched out.

As an extra precaution i would mention to midwife for your own reassurance and she will tell you the process of who to inform. You don't have to say how you know him or anything negative just that you know him so would rather he is not involved in the c-section for your own privacy.

Why don’t you want your partner aware?

In a similar vein - when I was having gynae surgery (use of stirrups, etc) at the hospital in which I worked, the surgeon made it clear beforehand that she would exclude male staff from the theatre.

Your ex acted professionally last time so expect he will do the same again - although I can understand you not wanting to even see him there at all.

@Psychologymam wow, absolutely not my intention even a tiny bit to try and 'ruin his career'!! I think I specifically said I DIDNT want there to be any sort of question about that.

He's an aesthetician, I'm really not clued up enough to know how easily they are replaced in theatre, but yes obviously my last one went ahead at short notice with him stepping aside.

@Notamum12345577 because it's the birth of his child and I just don't want him to have to even think about it on such a happy day. In the same way that I wouldn't want to know his ex was possibly there in a medical capacity.

Nothing sinister to it I promise!

@crockofshite substitute my own wording for what? I'm not being facetious, it's just my experience that I don't have named professionals for any part of my care, I see a different midwife each time, I see a different person for scans, and different nurses whenever I go for bloods etc.

Thanks for everyone's comments.

I'm just going to ask the midwife I see today to make a note in my notes and then on the day I'll speak to the midwife on duty and just double check!

Absolutely and completely fine! Dont worry, us HCP won't bat an eyelid at this, its very understandable

You said you didn’t want to imply BUT…you also didn’t want to give the real reason!!
so apologies if I picked that up wrong, but it did kinda come across like how do I give some undisclosed rationale to the other staff.
There will be lots of them around so don’t worry about that - sounds like he may not have been a good boyfriend but was professional enough to stand away and I’m sure would do the same again but no harm in flagging it. All of you have to say that you know him and want someone unknown. Happens lots, it’s no big deal unless you make it one! I think it feels bigger to you but imagine it was a colleague or your sisters husband etc etc - you would just be matter of fact about it. In terms of the notes, I think being more matter of fact about it is probably better, saying your husband can’t know there is an ex boyfriend somewhere on the hospital grounds is a little dramatic and I would raise an eyebrow but just be prepared that you might get few questions to check your relationship is okay.

@Psychologymam okay yes sorry fair enough. I promise I won't be trying to make a big deal out of it, I want to make it as smaller deal as possible and have def over thought it in my own head!

But I'm very reassured by all the people who work in that setting who wouldn't bat an eyelid at a 'I know x in a social capacity so would prefer they weren't part of my care' request!

I requested a midwife not to be involved with my care and also specifically the bounty rep was to stay away from me. She was told clearly and still came before my husband had even arrived, wouldn’t go away when politely asked and left my curtain open ( it had been closed). Needless to say I complained formally. Bounty don’t have a contract there now.

"Hopefully it is policy/good practice not to work with people you know. "

No, I don't think this is a 'policy'. Patient or staff member can opt out, I think.

I can't see how a blanket rule could work at all in a rural area.

" Your notes are yours so husband doesn’t have the right to access them."

Don't they put them at the end of the bed any more? Or was that just TV anyway?

Absolutely, I would be surprised if you didn’t ask!! It’s such an intimate setting that most people want strangers around so I can’t imagine you’ll get any push back at all or any requests for explanations. Best of luck - say it, then put it out of your head and focus on your new arrival! Congrats!

I don't think he's really a beauty therapist is he? Did you mean anaesthetist?

@Gwenhwyfar don't all hospitals have a beauty therapist on staff?! 🤣🤣🤣 my mistake. The person who ensures I don't feel them cutting me open, whoever that is!!

Just say you know him personally and it would be a conflict of interests
It',s nor thst unsusl ,when I was a nurse in mental health ( and I realise it's a very different area of health care) staff or patients were moved if they knew each other personally
It's probably uncomfortable for him too.

Just say to whoever appears to be in charge, Excuse me, Mr Joe Bloggs is an anesthetist here, I know him socially and wouldn't feel comfortable having him involved in my care, please could you ensure that I'm treated by someone else? Thanks.

But chances are he has already told them he knows you and will not be involved since he excused himself last time. Doctors aren't usually allowed to treat people they know unless it's an emergency, I don't think.

Anaesthetist. It is usually possible to swap, but depends on staffing levels and availability, so definitely a good idea to ask in advance.

(I am one, regularly do CS lists, these requests do come up occasionally and are fine but best with advance notice).