If you're visiting your sister from abroad

[visiting12]

I've visited my sister today with my dh and one dc. We live abroad and come back once a year (mostly; skipped a couple of years during covid, etc).
We don't stay with them or anything. Just arrived at their city today, called to say will do so days in advance, and we're there today at 5pm. She and her husband had us on the balcony, served coffee (at six pm!) and offered chocs. There wasn't anything else.

I can't help but think if my relatives were coming from so far I would've made more effort.
They never visit us in the country we live as never have spare money (due to poor budgeting imo).
I feel a bit unloved by her atm and it makes me sad. They also didn't have a small surprise for dc or anything. We brought treats and a plant.

If my sister told me she was coming at a few days notice, I would put up with it, but would not be delighted, or have any spare money to provide a meal.

We grew in the same womb, does not mean we have anything in common or are part of each others lives. Don't see each other for decades at a time, she is not part of my life, and I am not part of her life.

I have a busy life with work and volunteering, and sport and friends and my own family, of course I have many friends and many human connections. Why would I not have?

Why would a woman I have nothing in common with other than we shared a bedroom for 10 years some decades ago have any claims over me?

The Op doesn't even seem to like her sister, and that probably shows. The sister is entitled to spend her money however she wants, and the OP doesn't get to expect it is spent on her.

As I said, the sister probably tolerates the visits at best.

So you have projected your relationship with your sister ( no relationship) onto the OP

However OP isn’t estranged for decades from her sister. She would mention that rather key part if it were the case. So she reasonably expected more of a welcoming sisterly visit?

Your situation explains why you thought even 5 minutes having coffee was unreasonably using up her sisters time and coffee cups though

But isn’t not usual or reasonable.

But from the OP, the two women live in different countries and don't even like each other!

Well you might have expected supper at that time of day.

But I do understand your disappointment. You’ve traveled a long way to see your family - they could make a bit of a fuss!

But maybe because you visit every year it’s not so special? And - in my experience - when you move away, people get on with their own lives … but your sister does sound a little careless and thoughtless

You're not wrong OP. I've had similar with my DB, and have stopped making much effort with him as he simply doesn't care.

I think it's weird that you didn't discuss food beforehand.

You could have said "we can eat at yours or go out, which would you prefer?"

You can choose your friends, but can't choose your family ( but you can choose how much time and effort you put in)
If you judged my lifestyle ( and whined about me on the internet ) I wouldn't be making any effort for you

I haven't read all the messages but I have a sister that lives abroad. I look forward to her visit immensely. When she visits I clear my schedule, I bake a cake; I ask if she wants food; I have (cheap) surprises for her kids; etc. You are NOT unreasonable.

That being said. You cannot force people to care. You could gently ask her if there is anything going on to see if she just has lots going on etc.