Grandparents that just want to appear great on Facebook

[PPD]

My in-laws post on Facebook every other week with a picture of our daughter (4) as if they’re with her or have taken her out places. Sometimes it’s a birthday or Christmas thing. The pictures are occasionally something my husband must have sent her or ones she’s asked to be taken every time she comes near her, like it’s evidence she’s a grandparent 🙄 They see her every second month I’d say despite living really close to us. I have tried making lots of effort with them and visiting during the week, asking them to go places with us etc but they can’t be bothered basically and repeatedly let me down. They just want to appear like they’re doting grandparents on Facebook, without ever actually lifting a finger. This week has topped it off, with another occasion of a post on Facebook but no actual real life interaction with their grandchild or a text to me to ask how she is this week/month!

How do you handle these situations? My husband just always lets things go as it’s ‘easier’ but it’s starting to get really frustrating!

De friend them so you don’t know what they’re posting.

I know you probably can't but I would be very tempted to comment on the photo saying something g along the lines of : X misses her grandparents she hasnt seen you in such a long time . You could add a heart or something and play it off as being cute

But I feel like she could then be posting ANYTHING of my child and I wouldn’t see it 🤦🏻‍♀️ I completely ignore all posts and never comment or like

My friend did something along these lines when she was in a similar situation and her MIL posted a picture as if she was at the park when she wasn’t.. genius 😂

Depends how much you like facebook drama.

I am not sure what your actual complaint is? You don't like seeing posts on face book, so don't look at facebook? You want to see more of them in real life, but they are not up for that, so just give them space. What is it you actually want?

I’d be tempted to be all pass agg and comment on every single one with stuff like x would love to see you or let’s meet up if you’d like to see her. It’s been ages

Her to either stop posting nonsense on Facebook with pictures of my child or make an effort to see her in real life

I do love this but not sure I could be pushed to do it.. maybe another few posts and I will be! 🙈

Honestly I wouldn’t be letting anyone share photos of my child on social media anyway. So you could easily stop it by asking her not to post photos of your dc online anymore.

what is nonsense about the face book posts? Just don't look at them if they are winding you up. You say she sees the child every other month? Surely that is well within the range of normal? Still not sure what your complaint is? You don't sound like you like her, why would you want to see her more often?

I would comment “aww so sweet, (child name) misses you because she barely gets to see you xox”.

Thus. In fact I deleted them but not for this reason. What I don't see I don't care about. Fil never posted on FB for four years,so I deleted him in purge. He is reading, I had no idea at the time. Step mil never logs on. Poof, both gone

Your child's relationship with them will be their reward. It's quite interesting as my eldest two have grown up and realised they don't have a normal grandparent relationship it is what is. They are never going to say "my grandparents was wonderful, such lovely memories" they have zero memories. you only get one brief shot as it's gone fast. Forever. I don't feel anything about it now, I was where you was at 4. But it's gone forever in the past now. Kids don't know any different and are indifferent.

I just hope to god I can do better if I'm blessed with gc. You really don't miss what you never had in this respect.

I'd start commenting on the photos.

"Ah, lovely pic, did DH send it to you?"

"DC would love to see you soon, they've grown so much in the months since you last saw them"

"I like that pic, is that the one you took last time you saw the DC a couple of months ago?"

Not on facebook but my mil does this when talking to her friends. She goes on and on about how she is "having the grandchildren" , making it sound like she is looking after them all but it's always just SIL's dc. Occasionally she will look after ds1 and she tells everyone she knows that she is looking after ds1 "to give Ellie a break" when I've told her multiple times that ds1 is my easiest child, it's actually harder for me when he isn't around and if she actually wanted to give me a break then she could look after dc3 and dc5 who don't sleep or dc4 who is incontinent. I don't mind if she doesn't want to help but I hate it when she pretends to other people that she does.

I think that’s what winds me up the most. If I ever get to be a grandparent I would literally die before I’d do half the things they have done (or not done)! But as you say it really won’t be long before our daughter starts to notice or question why they don’t do anything with her and their chance to make those memories will be gone so if they’re happy seeing her a handful of times a year I should just continue to do what I’ve done up til now and keep my mouth shut to get through it 🙈 It makes for an easier life and is the best in the long run as I can’t be said to have done or said anything then but it’s so hard at the time when someone is just so lazy

I totally get this and it would really wind me up as well. I would probably just kindly ask her to stop posting photos of your DC on Facebook because you don't know who's looking at it and it makes you feel a bit uncomfortable.

You should post along the lines of "we had a lovely time at blah blah you should join us next time xxx"

I don't allow othered to post pictures of my child, I just explained that I control the privacy and who can see things on my account and I can't on theres. I asked them to remove all previous photos and not post any. There was a few huffs and eye rolls I reminded them we were the parents and they didn't need to agree with our methods just respect them and do as we ask.

My MIL were exactly like this when my dc were little. She would post photos of them, yet they would go months without seeing the kids despite living within walking distance. I used to get so bloody enraged by it! I used to call them the cherry pickers. My dh worked away a lot, and I was on my own with 3 dc under 5, yet my MIL would visit every 3 months or so, and we were not welcome to go to their house often. She refused point blank to ever ever have our dc sleep over at her house under any circumstances, yet her FB page was full of photos of my dc in their PJ's with captions like 'all ready for bedyboes'. 🤬 I get your anger, I really do! She once posted a photo of my ds with his homemade cupcakes, but she captioned it as if she had made them with him. He has never baked at her house!
The dc are in their teens now and really don't bother with my PIL at all. They just weren't involved in their upbringing. The kids can see them for what they are now. You reap what you sow! Try and keep your powder dry op, it won't last forever.

This! Yes I agree with you. SM was fairly new when my dc were small, but I definitely did the same. My MIL didn't give a shit what my rules were though 🫤

My dad posted the birth of my son before we announced it. Yet he shows zero interest in any of my children.

Please do this!

Can you provide some small details (that are wrong)to her source and then correct her on FB when she quotes it? Such as the wrong park or town, maybe a wrong favourite piece of play equipment.

Why? Do you enjoy airing your dirty washing in public? Do you want ''I hear you babes' comments?