Grandparents that just want to appear great on Facebook

[PPD]

My in-laws post on Facebook every other week with a picture of our daughter (4) as if they’re with her or have taken her out places. Sometimes it’s a birthday or Christmas thing. The pictures are occasionally something my husband must have sent her or ones she’s asked to be taken every time she comes near her, like it’s evidence she’s a grandparent 🙄 They see her every second month I’d say despite living really close to us. I have tried making lots of effort with them and visiting during the week, asking them to go places with us etc but they can’t be bothered basically and repeatedly let me down. They just want to appear like they’re doting grandparents on Facebook, without ever actually lifting a finger. This week has topped it off, with another occasion of a post on Facebook but no actual real life interaction with their grandchild or a text to me to ask how she is this week/month!

How do you handle these situations? My husband just always lets things go as it’s ‘easier’ but it’s starting to get really frustrating!

MIL does this but in reverse. She barely sees the kids but screenshots my pics from Facebook and shows them to people as though they're hers. Meanwhile we're Facebook friends but she never ever comments or reacts to anything, just nicks my pictures.

So annoying.

Speak directly to MIL calmly asking for what you want to happen and take it from there. Accept you may not get included visits.

Anything else is drama

You could be mature and ask her not to post photos on Facebook of your dc, or just defriend her.

Or

Go the pa route (which is prob what I'd do), and send her a photo of dc at the park, when she posts it put a comment along the lines of 'ahhh dd had a wonderful time at that park today, such a shame you and fil couldn't make it, haven't seen you for ages, dd will forget what you both look like, let's meet soon'

Rise above it!! Don't start commenting online, tempting as it is. either ask they don't post anymore, or just don't look at them. I totally get why it annoys you, it would drive me crazy. But that's the whole thing about SM isn't it. People making up fake lives. Many GPs show their friends photos and try to out grandparent each other. I brought mine to the beach, I hosted a sleepover etc. It's BS but many parents do this too, many spend their time scrolling SM instead of interacting with kids then try to pretend they are brilliant parents by giving advice and posting happy fake family moments.

Imagine not having to give this any headspace. You can't change them. As long as they are good to her when they do see her, I'd let this go. Not worth your thoughts. Her relationship with them in the future will be whatever it will be. They can build an imaginary facebook world, but it really won't matter in the end.

Ah yes, mine are like this. Barely interact with their grandchild when we do see them but like to take lots of lovely pics for their FB

Exactly same thing with my in laws!
Was at a family party where multiple people told me how lucky we were that they were so involved... They only see them a few of times a year, never once babysat even for half hour. They live 5 mins away.
They'd told huge lies to everyone, no one believed it wasn't true - until I asked her about them in front of the same people.

While this is what you want, neither are going to happen.

So you need to think of something that is within your control not hers:

Reducing her access to photos
Muting her on FB
Stop making any effort to see her and leave it all to your DH

My dad does this and he’s only met my kids a couple of times! It's annoying, but I just roll my eyes and don't give it any more energy than that. Everyone who knows me, knows he’s basically an absent grandparent and if my dad’s FB friends think he's a loving grandad, so what? They're strangers to me.

So my advice is to just ignore it and if it bothers you, hide their feed a you can't see their posts. They can portray whatever life they like on FB, it doesn't make it true. You know it and they know it too... Deep down.

Yes, my mum is like this. We are NC now, because of some really awful and dangerous things she did to my dc. But when everything was happening behind the scenes and she was telling me what a terrible person I was, she was all sunshine and rainbows and photos and grandparenting memes on social media, all about how her grandchildren are her whole world, and she loves them so much.

I’m a bitch 😂 so I just started commenting on everything asking her why, if she loved them so much, she exposed them to a convicted paedophile? (One of the reasons we are NC, though by far, not the only horrible thing she’s done). She eventually blocked me and now I don’t have to see any of the shit she posts.

Even when I finally went NC (for me, dc were NC as soon as we found all this out), she would message me saying she didn’t want to reconcile, and wouldn’t see the kids, but could I please keep sending photos? Fucking piece of work (presumably so she could keep up the performative grandparenting routine).

I’d do two things: (1) I’d comment something passive aggressive on every post (again, I’m a bitch) and (2) I’d stop chasing them. They can go through your Dh to arrange a time for him to meet up with them to see your dc, while you have a relaxing day to yourself.

The Facebook issue isn't worth getting fed up about, unless they are posting offensive messages, it really doesn't matter one jot what someone is or is not putting on Facebook.

I think you should focus on the issue of the grandparents' relationship with your DD - decide if it's worth trying to build this, or accept that they are never going to be particularly hands-on grandparents.

Do your parents spend time with your DD? In my experience it matters less if one set of grandparents isn't much involved, if the others are close.

We are the exact same, never had an offer to babysit and they never ask to go anywhere with us, it’s the bare minimum effort and even then they’d rather spend the visit moaning about something trivial that’s happened to them that week instead of actually acknowledging my child who’s infront of them with no idea who they are

Yes we are really lucky that my parents are the opposite and give us lots of help. They don’t have facebook either so only do real-life grand parenting 😂

Yes this what is the actual problem?

You seriously can’t work it out?

maybe re-read the op as she actually tells you in there why she’s annoyed.