Life has ground to a halt

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I feel as though my life has grind to a halt. I have always been a passive person mainly because I am a people pleaser and haven't wanted to upset other people or feel like I've forced my will on them. I had cancer in 2019 and needed a very major operation. I have seen people with the same cancer die, but I have been lucky although it has affected my life as regards the amount of stamina and energy I have. I should be celebrating a new lease of life, and making the most of the rest of my life but I feel instead that life has shut down.

There are so many things that I would like to do. For example I watched the Olympic mountain bike race and thought "that is something that I'd like to try" , I'd like to go to a restaurant and eat Sushi which I love, go away for a city break. Just little things like that really. But I have no one to go with. No one seems interested in doing the things that I'd like to do - my husband, my sister, my friends, they're all people who don't want to leave the house to do anything. They're Ok if you want to spend an afternoon drinking coffee with them but nothing else. I'm bored and frustrated.

Surgeons gave me a new lease of life and I'm squandering it, but I don't know how to move forward.

You do realise that people can have partners, family and friends and still do things solo?

They might not be available at the same time, might not share the same interests, might be busy with their own stuff?

The sneery judgement from your post is appalling, if you're like that in real life you might very well find yourself very isolated.

You completely misunderstood the point I was making in your rush to tell me how wrong I am.

I thought it was a good point Ginger that it can be someone to share the experience with as well as / instead of anxiety about doing things alone. I am married with kids but I can see what you are saying and I would feel the same if doing things alone, at least initially.

@Ginger124 I understand what you're saying as well. I don't have a partner or children. Sometimes I'll go to the theatre, holiday or whatever, enjoy it, but then it's a bit like it never happened as I don't discuss it much (or at all) with anyone necessarily.

I do have friends, and do stuff with them, but a lot of the time it's easier to please myself. I would have missed out on a lot of things if I'd waited for someone else to be available / interested. I think it's a good skill to have, to be able to choose, and do, something by yourself.

To the OP, I encourage you to get out there. For restaurants, I choose a time when it's not busy, I find that OK by myself. It's not my favourite thing to do though - theatre, holidays, day trips, galleries are all stuff I'm fine with. As is joining groups to do stuff.

@alwaysmovingforwards oh don't be snotty, OP is struggling to do things alone, YO and Itsu would be good places to go as a baby step.

Regardless of our personal circumstances- single or married or partnered or with friends or without- I think it's a good skill for everyone to be able to do things alone.

I sometimes discuss things I see and do on MN.

I think if I had survived cancer and my dh couldn't be bothered to get of his arse and do some of the things on my bucket list then the first item on my list might become find a new dh. He sounds incredibly selfish. My dh and I do things the other person is interested in all the time....we also do things we want on our own and lots of things the kids want. It's all about give and take. I've seen another post on here this weekend from a woman whose dh won't do anything with her. Doesn't sound like much of a relationship to me.

Please get out there and start enjoying your life op...hopefully meeting some lovely new people along the way.

I do stuff solo and then tell H when i get home, the OP has a H at home.

There are many things i am interested in that H isn't and visa versa.

You don't need to share or have someone there to create memories that are worth having.

I get what you mean, but it's not just a girl boss fashion thing. I'm really happy doing things alone due to neurodivergence. Also, I'd rather do things alone than not at all. It is an individual thing, but not necessarily a fashion.

If no one is available or wants to go, I go by myself. Life is short. Live it.

As for sushi—real sushi restaurants have a little seat at the bar in front of the chefs and people often book them just to eat alone and watch the master create the sushi.

If you can afford it you can 1) look for a food tour guide to take you sushi hopping, 2) book a seat for one at a good sushi bar and order an Omikase style dinner (if they have one) which is a lengthy chef’s choice sort of tasting menu. The whole point is to be attentive to the process and the food not a distracting conversation.

Take a notebook snd pretend to sketch or take notes. Everyone will assume you are a secret food critic and respectfully leave you alone.

One of my ex work colleagues has an empty nest and a husband who never wants to do anything. She has just started to do things on her own. She said if I waited for people to do stuff I would never do it. Let me tell you, she is rejuvenated. She takes loads of dance classes, upped her fitness, goes to exhibitions. She was never a confident person. She is blooming, it is lovely to see. She has made friends at her activities and now she does have company and her network has expanded.

It’s baby steps though, and may be budget conscious, Japanese food is very expensive here. Nothing wrong with going there on your own and far less intimidating than going into a fancy Japanese restaurant on your own. I’ve had very decent sashimi in Yo! that hasn’t tasted any different to the sashimi I’ve had in ‘proper’ Japanese restaurants.

Oh snap! I didn’t see your post before posting something very similar 😁

No one cares if you are a solo diner,it's only in your mind. If you sit waiting for others your life will go by but you have already said you are a people pleaser. That has to go. If you try something and don't like it, so what? Your husband doesn't approve, so what ? Look at some beginner MTB courses where you can borrow a bike. Bound to be something on YouTube.