Overweight child. Help me set boundaries.

[Feckinlego]

Struggling in general with setting boundaries for dd. She's 11 and getting quite heavy. Given a chance she would sit and eat carbs all evening and has a very sweet tooth. Generally fussy around food, doesn't like vegetables or spicy food. To my shame she has more or less been allowed to dictate what she eats. I went down a rabbit hole reading about intuitive eating and got so scared of eating disorders etc that I didn't want to shame her about her appetite or hunger. But she's getting bigger and I need to do something. So what rules/boundaries are in your house around food? Particularly interested to hear if anyone has been successful in my situation.
Please be kind.

Show by example. Get rid of the snacks/‘treat’ food. Get in seasonal fruit like berries if you can. If you’re able, increase her exercise by trying something new-badminton was my absolute favourite, played like my life depended on it! Increase your activity and involve her. Some great ideas on here.

A trampoline? What about swing ball?

People also need to remember that feeling a little hungry after eating is normal

I feel mostly hungry but it's amazing how you forget that when you are doing something interesting

I agree, and think perhaps she does not have a real understanding of hunger. I would start with no more snacks after dinner. She shouldn't be hungry after an evening meal

I am so worried about this for my DDs, so following with interest. DD1 (5) could eat constantly, will polish off massive portions if we let her and has a serious sweet tooth. She’s comfortably a healthy weight according to her reception height and weight check, but only because we don’t keep any snacks at all in the house apart from fruit and nuts, and DH cooks healthy meals from scratch. Would this work with an 11yo?

I’ve suffered with my weight all my life thanks to PCOS and insulin resistance, and am only now losing it thanks to finding the right medication. I’d hate for DD1 to suffer also. DD2 (3) luckily seems unaffected; eats very intuitively, isn’t keen on sweet things, prefers small portions etc. I’d love to know what goes on genetically to cause these differences.

If it's not there she can't ask for it. You can frame it as for her health and the sake of her teeth. But allow her one day a week for sweet treats/junk. Give her pocket money on that day and she can spend however much on sweets and eat them all on that one day.
Rest of the week she can have fruit, crudités, sugar free cereal as a snack. Don't even have things like Nutella or peanut butter or jam in the house.
If there's one fast food or takeaway meal she loves give that as a treat once a month if she adheres to the junk food rule.

Exercise and moving is key for my dd (both almost 12). They eat pretty much what they like, meals tend to be mostly healthy and correct portion sizes but they do snack when hungry. Snacks are yoghurt, crisps, biscuits and the usual healthy things too. They exercise every day and play a lot of competitive sport.

Your daughter seems to like cheese, @Feckinlego - which is not just high in calories but also addictive. I would try some healthier alternatives such as...

• hummus
• Tahiti mixed with yoghurt
• avocados/guacamole
• cottage cheese
• pesto/basil mixed with nuts and just a little cheese

There may be other options I can't think of just now.

Apart from not having snacks, I think it’s essential for her to learn when she is full. So she can stop when she has eaten enough.

Also asking herself, is she hungry or bored or stressed or angry etc….

You need to remember though that making things completely off limits - no I’m not buying biscuits because they’re not good for - might well lead her to buy stuff at school or on the way and hide it from you.
From personal experience, that the worst thing you can do.

I do have an older DS who went to secondary school, had a growth spurt then it all evened out.

They DO get hungry at this age.
They are growing at an alarming rate.

In your OP you mentioned dd doesn't like veg, here you say dinners have plenty of veg. Does she eat it? Or does it get left on the plate?

No snacks in house, slightly smaller portions. Swap potato for sweet potato, ask her if she fancies a walk each evening. Make subtle changes but please don't empathise the fact you think she's overweight

Doesn't like veg but will eat it in her dinners if its brocolli, or chopped up like in a casserole/ curry etc. She will eat small amounts of salad and most fruit, but always prefers carbs.

Swimming is weird. I love swimming. But because it's not weight bearing, and my theory is that also because it's cold water, it's probably the worst exercise for weight. I wouldn't expect any help from that. Running/walking are great because you do more work when you weigh more! They are also very good for mood, and mood and food are linked.

First thing though is no crap in the house. If someone feels like a chocolate bar or an ice cream, you walk to the shops to get one. One. Healthy food in the house, and a natural boundary for other food.

If she's sad or bored food is such a good way to self-soothe. She gains, has a worse time at school, feels worse, more eating. Introducing other ways to improve mood is important.

Swimming is one of the best exercises for losing weight, it raises your heart rate, burns calories efficiently and uses pretty much every muscle group in your body