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Original poster

How many kids would you have if finances weren’t a barrier?

85 replies

Expatfamily · 07/08/2024 10:09

My whole life I wanted to be a mum. I’m the first one in my friendship circle to have a baby at 29. As soon as we bought a house and got married we started TTC which luckily we fell immediately. I’m broody now again but thinking that I should probably space out having our next as we’re only going to be able to afford having two.

I’d love to have at least four. If it didn’t take us so long to get on the property ladder/for me to get established in my career I would have been happy to start TTC at 24.

I’m extremely left wing, either voted Green or more recently Labour. Just with all the immigration threads these last few months with the constant ‘we need immigration to increase our birth rate’ has made me think ‘I can increase birth rate for you but I need more than the £20pw child benefit or at least DH having a tax break’. I’ve been angry at the Tories for years but also for this shit show that having to have two full time professional salaries to buy a three bed semi. I can’t have as many kids as I want because we just can’t afford them and that’s just life. But seeing so many threads that we need immigration to uphold our 2.1 replacement rate as native population just don’t want to have large families anymore has low-key started rub salt into a wound I never really had before.

I feel I’m surrounded by people my age who want kids but with the cost of houses/nursery/cost of living having one is barely in reach. Both me and DH are one of three, cannot imagine any of us being able to have three with the way things are.

OP posts:
WhimsicalGubbins76 · 07/08/2024 10:15

1 🤣 and that’s the gods honest truth.
before I had my DS (he’s 18 now) I thought I wanted at least 3, I had him at 23 because I thought more would follow-That all changed the moment I held him for the first time (my pregnancy was also hell on earth, hospitalised with HG for a while and had a 48 hour labour, but that’s another story) As soon as I saw his face for the first time I knew he was my everything-and the older he’s got, the more glad I am that I changed my mind. They only get more expensive, and having more than one would probably have bankrupted us 🤣 either that or we wouldn’t have been able to give him the life that we have because we’d have been financially worse off. He’s not spoiled, but he’s also never wanted for anything

AmusedMaker · 07/08/2024 10:17

I’d love to have 5.

Peonies12 · 07/08/2024 10:17

I'd only ever have 2. There's more than enough people on the planet already. Let them move around to redistribute to those countries that need more people. I am one of 3 and we only ever had 3 bedrooms - that isn't a barrier if you do want more.

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Families
MollyRover · 07/08/2024 10:19

I'd say 4, but would need a bigger house, a cut in working hours (on a bigger income) and a reliable, regular babysitter for it to work. I would also have started my family sooner. I don't think any of this could have been changed by a government's social policy though.

Campcritters · 07/08/2024 10:19

The birth rate is very low & it’s sad that some will make the decision not to have them due to finances.

Idratherbepaddleboarding · 07/08/2024 10:19

2 but we couldn’t afford another set of nursery fees so we had 1 and to be fair, we’re happy with 1.

snowballsintheoven · 07/08/2024 10:19

I have 2 - a boy and a girl.

7 year ago gap.

I don't want anymore, I could well afford more, have a 5 bed/4 bathroom house but no - my mental health is my priority. I love them so much, they're my world but no thank you.

Love51 · 07/08/2024 10:21

I'd have loved to have had 4. I would needed to have started earlier and probably chosen a different husband as actual husband is happy with 2 and didn't want to start until we were almost 30. But 4 as a stay at home mum was my fantasy. Not a poor SAHM either, one with an independent income (it always seems to be rental properties!)

BringItOnxxx · 07/08/2024 10:22

4 if I was a millionaire and didn't actually have to go through pregnancy (however I don't support surrogacy)
2 if I was middle class/with savings and partner
1 is what I have and as a single parent I am more than happy just to have 1

Sweetteaplease · 07/08/2024 10:23

Probably 1! Maybe 2. The thing is the most important thing is actually time, no point having kids if you don't spend quality time with them, and 1:1 is important

Snacksgalore · 07/08/2024 10:25

I have 2. If I was younger maybe one more but it would mean I would have the scarifice the quality of my parenting. I don’t understand how people with 5 kids can find the min 20 mins each evening to both listen to every child read and to read to them or take them all to one swimming lesson and one additional activity a week. For me these are bare minimum of parenting standards, obviously other things too.

Cadela · 07/08/2024 10:25

Even if I was a millionaire I’d only ever have one.

Pocketfullofdogtreats · 07/08/2024 10:29

Someone votes Green but they want 5 kids?
Two is plenty for me. The planet has too many people and nature ( of which we are part) is suffering. Animals losing their habitat, climate change etc. Having two children per couple at least keeps it in check.

FunLurker · 07/08/2024 10:30

I have 4, 2 girls then gap and 2 boys (gap was planned- as needed to save for bigger house) I'm happy and content with the 4. I did only want 3 but when I had my 3rd I realised we had basically started again, so had 4th so they all had a childhood friend. 14 years between 1st and 4th. Luckily all 4 get on and it worked for us

Maddy70 · 07/08/2024 10:30

Still the 2. Its a practical amount

MyOtherCarisAVauxhallZafira · 07/08/2024 10:33

I have one, I might have had a second if finances were no object, but we earn 100-115k between us so not on the breadline and if I'd really wanted wet could've afforded two. I had a horrific pregnancy and birth.

RomeoRivers · 07/08/2024 10:34

I have no financial constraints and planning to have 4 or 5. I’m pregnant with no3 now.

The only reason I’m unsure about no5 is because we had a delayed start with 3 miscarriages which took their toll both physically and emotionally.

Strawberrycheesecake7 · 07/08/2024 10:38

We plan to have 4 and can just about afford it. I probably wouldn't have more than that biologically because I'd be quite an older mother by the time I got to a fifth baby (we don't want them too close together) and that comes with risks that wouldn't be worth it for me if I already have 4 children. If I had loads of money I'd love to adopt when my biological children are older though. We are open to that now, but know we probably won't be able to afford it as well as 4 biological children.

rockingbird · 07/08/2024 10:39

Honestly-if money wasn't an issue I'd find a very big house and move me and my two teens in, decorate it all in calming neutral colours and open my home up to all the children who need fostering ☺️ I love kids, all ages and would absolutely love to help those in need. I'd also have a donkey sanctuary! This is my lottery dream. Pray for my big win.

IHopeYouStepOnALegPiece · 07/08/2024 10:43

10 years ago, 3-5 kids. Now, just 1 would be wonderful but honestly, I just don’t see that being financially possible, certainly not to at least give them the (non extravagant) life I would like them to have. It makes me desperately sad but at 36 it’s feeling more and more likely that there won’t be kiddos

newmummycwharf1 · 07/08/2024 10:43

Expatfamily · 07/08/2024 10:09

My whole life I wanted to be a mum. I’m the first one in my friendship circle to have a baby at 29. As soon as we bought a house and got married we started TTC which luckily we fell immediately. I’m broody now again but thinking that I should probably space out having our next as we’re only going to be able to afford having two.

I’d love to have at least four. If it didn’t take us so long to get on the property ladder/for me to get established in my career I would have been happy to start TTC at 24.

I’m extremely left wing, either voted Green or more recently Labour. Just with all the immigration threads these last few months with the constant ‘we need immigration to increase our birth rate’ has made me think ‘I can increase birth rate for you but I need more than the £20pw child benefit or at least DH having a tax break’. I’ve been angry at the Tories for years but also for this shit show that having to have two full time professional salaries to buy a three bed semi. I can’t have as many kids as I want because we just can’t afford them and that’s just life. But seeing so many threads that we need immigration to uphold our 2.1 replacement rate as native population just don’t want to have large families anymore has low-key started rub salt into a wound I never really had before.

I feel I’m surrounded by people my age who want kids but with the cost of houses/nursery/cost of living having one is barely in reach. Both me and DH are one of three, cannot imagine any of us being able to have three with the way things are.

Have as many kids as you like but pay for it. Legal immigrants come to the UK and elsewhere to work and contribute like everyone else.

Cobblersorchard · 07/08/2024 10:45

1, had 1 and wanted 1

Panicmode1 · 07/08/2024 10:47

We have four and have (up to now) had no financial constraints - DH and I were both higher rate taxpayers until I had #4. However DH has just been made redundant in his 50s and although we have a good cushion, it's a bit nerve-wracking as we have 2 at uni and 2 still in secondary.

I absolutely wouldn't change anything - my mother always said you don't regret the ones you have, but the ones you don't (she wanted more but stuck at 2).

We rarely use a car (children's primary and secondary schools within walking distance), recycle and pass stuff down, almost never go on holiday as a family by plane (I think we've done it 4x in 20 years of parenthood), and so whilst I accept we use more resource than a smaller family, possibly have less environmental impact than a family with one or two children flying long haul 2 or 3+ times a year, driving big SUVs on school runs daily etc etc

LittleSparklyStar · 07/08/2024 10:49

I have 3. Two boys and a girl. I find the school holidays really challenging so that will probably skew my answer! If I could afford continuous help, or a cleaner or cook to help me so I didn’t have to do the crappy jobs, or I could afford to send them to all the sports and dance clubs they wanted to do, I’d have 4. But I can’t afford it and therefore a lot of the mental load falls into me and it’s HARD so I will be stopping at 3.

Kendodd · 07/08/2024 10:50

If finances and enviroment/climate weren't an issue, I'd have five.
Edited to say, I have three.