How many kids would you have if finances weren’t a barrier?

[Expatfamily]

My whole life I wanted to be a mum. I’m the first one in my friendship circle to have a baby at 29. As soon as we bought a house and got married we started TTC which luckily we fell immediately. I’m broody now again but thinking that I should probably space out having our next as we’re only going to be able to afford having two.

I’d love to have at least four. If it didn’t take us so long to get on the property ladder/for me to get established in my career I would have been happy to start TTC at 24.

I’m extremely left wing, either voted Green or more recently Labour. Just with all the immigration threads these last few months with the constant ‘we need immigration to increase our birth rate’ has made me think ‘I can increase birth rate for you but I need more than the £20pw child benefit or at least DH having a tax break’. I’ve been angry at the Tories for years but also for this shit show that having to have two full time professional salaries to buy a three bed semi. I can’t have as many kids as I want because we just can’t afford them and that’s just life. But seeing so many threads that we need immigration to uphold our 2.1 replacement rate as native population just don’t want to have large families anymore has low-key started rub salt into a wound I never really had before.

I feel I’m surrounded by people my age who want kids but with the cost of houses/nursery/cost of living having one is barely in reach. Both me and DH are one of three, cannot imagine any of us being able to have three with the way things are.

None, like now at 45.
And finances are not a barrier, total loss
of freedom in my (only one) life would
be a massive one, though.

Still 1. We can afford more but one really ticks all our boxes, and we’d only have a second to meet societal expectations which isn’t a valid reason to bring a child into the world.

1, which my DD happily occupies.

Growing up I thought I would want 2, as they would have a sibling. Now I am an adult, I've been quite firm on staying at 1. I hated pregnancy, the newborn period and don't want to go back to it. My DD is happy and has lots of friends at nursery, so I'm not worried for her from a social aspect.

Could afford to have another but I've never had a burning desire to. I refuse to have another to give my DD a sibling, as there is no guarantee they would even like each other! Plus I can give 100% of my attention to DD and get her whatever support she needs without worrying about anyone else.

Two. I had two because it was a manageable amount and let’s face it there’s nothing so exceptional about my genes that I felt the need to breed any more.

Probably 4 if money allowed - we may ttc no.3 but unless that's twins we won't have a fourth! The immediate expense is putting me off but not so much the long term as whilst no idea what the future holds in theory we have lots of earning potential. If I was younger I'd spread them out a bit more but equally I don't want them to be at massively different stages.

I'm 36 so if you're closer to 30 you still have time to consider a couple more! A lot can change in a few years.

Money has never been a constraint. Fertility issues has though. I have 1 dc and am very very happy. It's not just about money, time is much more important. I have loads of time and headspace for my dc, myself, my marriage and my job.

The one I have. Finances aren't an issue.

One. It’s my fertility that limited me not my finances

I'm one of three and I loved being one of three but I think 2 for many reasons that are not financial- time, my body's abilities, our relationship, maintaining some semblance of being independent people (not saying you can't do this with lots of kids but for us I don't think possible).

My mum literally never got a break and I don't know if I have it in me to be that self sacrificing!

But I'm too old now and have run out of time to have more

I had two and would have liked more but it would have been hard financially. Just read an article in the Guardian about food and baby banks. One of the examples is a single mum with five including a newish baby. Four of them have disabilities and she is absolutely desperate. It’s awful but why do people keep having children, there is free contraception in this country still.Why do the Guardian always cite cases where people have made very stupid decisions? There are loads of people struggling who couldn’t help financial struggles.

I have 2, I always wanted 3 and would if I could afford to, sadly not!

2, same as we're planning to have anyway (ttc second now) - it's not the money that's the concern for me, its the time.
I want enough time to devote to both kids, myself, my husband and its hard enough with one so 2 if definitely our max

Four, and I’d use the finances to employ a housekeeper to do the washing, cleaning etc, so I can concentrate on being a mum.

I have one and would have liked another but with hindsight (DD is a teenager) just the one has been perfect.

I wouldn’t say finances are a barrier for me, but still only want 2. It’s the cost of my mental health not the financial cost for me.

None 😂 You couldn't pay me enough to put children through this life, with everything that's predicted in their futures. Kids of today are going to endure so much suffering 😞

I have three - I’d have loved four or five if finances had allowed. Sadly, it didn’t. I feel very blessed to have had three children but sometimes I long for more. That ship has very much sailed, though, and I try to focus on enjoying every moment of being a parent to young children whilst it lasts.

1, which is what i have, finances aren't an issue at all, we're just very happy as a family of 3 and life is so easy with 1.

I have two. I naively wanted 4 in my 20’s.

I always tell my girls only have the number of children YOU can comfortably provide for mentally, emotionally and financially. Nothing is guaranteed, you could easily find yourself divorced or widowed with a gaggle of kids you can no longer afford and that’s no life for a child.

I wanted 4 or 5, we have 3.
We had all 3 within a 4 year period so they are very close in age, I had 3 HG pregnancies and it was very tough but I love being a mum.
DH put his foot down after the 3rd and said no more because he could see how hard the HG was and knew he didn’t want me to go through it again. He decided to have a vasectomy and that was that.
I'm so glad we stopped, I can see that 3 is perfect for us and we can afford to give them a good life, they’ve never wanted for anything.

Two and even that I know is me choosing my own happiness.

Overpopulation is a huge problem and it is looking like there may not be a habitable planet for our kids or grandkids to live in. The stuff about low birthrates is purely economical and completely stupid imo - we are saying our country is full, housing crisis etc - we can’t possibly take in immigrants but then saying we need more kids to support an aging population, which is it? There are more and more countries becoming uninhabitable due to climate change and over time more and more people will become climate migrants, parts of Britain are even in danger of future flooding.

Unpopular opinion I know but if the people who want kids try and limit it to only having two per couple that will overall lower the population in time which is better for the planet and leaves more resources for the population. Honestly if we were deer there would be a cull - it’s not sustainable.

Also the arguments politicians make of needing kids to support an aging population- bring in the choice of euthanasia for the very sick and elderly- I’ve had so many relatives in their late 90’s in pain on a gizzillion meds being kept alive in homes years after they want to be there at huge expense. I am seriously haunted by my granny crying in pain every time the carers moved her, my mum’s friend is in a similar situation sitting in pain in nappies and needing two carers to carry her to the loo - so we need more babies to look after people like her who do not want to be here!

I’m just going to have as many as nature allows, I always wanted a big family and it makes me happy so I only consider that although we are very good with not overspending etc and the dc don’t cost us loads (use a carrier for all of them so haven’t needed expensive pushchairs, breastfed so didn’t have formula costs and use cloth nappies for all etc). As they get older yes it gets a little more expensive but it’s manageable

As many as I could as long as we are healthy.

I didn't meet my husband until my mid thirties so I started late and have three. I was one of four and desired four. Although, if I were young, finances allowed it and I had a husband on board, I would have considered as many as six. I'm a SAHM and adore children.

I seem to remember reading Western women want more children but weak/late commitment from men plus finances is resulting in smaller family sizes.