Petrified Passenger

[PetrifiedPassenger]

Hi everyone, hoping someone can give me some advice. As my username says, I'm a petrified passenger, I know it's irrational, I've never been in a car accident (God willing I won't ever be) my husband is a good driver, albeit in my opinion, too fast. We are going on holiday at the end of September which is over 300 miles away and I'm already starting to have anxiety to the point, I want to cancel! But if I let this control me I'll never go anywhere, even a 5 mile car trip makes my heart race. I have three daughters who all drive and every time they go out in their cars I watch them on Find Friends to make sure they get to where they're going and back home again. I think I need the Speakmans! I'm trying to think of something to calm me down on the day but there are so many on the market I'm not sure what to choose, can anyone recommend anything?

Is it just car journeys where you feel like this? Have you spoken to your GP? Do you drive yourself?

@NigelHarmansNewWife It is only car journeys, I used to drive, and then let my daughter borrow my car but she had it for 2 years and by the time it came back I'd lost my nerve. It might be worth a trip to the Doctor, I only need something for the holiday there and back. I can cope (just) with small car journeys but even then, if we go on a main road I can feel my heart thumping so my husband tries to find back roads if he can which makes journeys longer but at least I arrive without having a massive heart attack! I feel so stupid even asking the question but it's getting out of control now and I'll be house bound if I'm not careful. Thanks for your advice though, it might be worth a visit.

Honestly this is much more common than you would think - your GP will definitely have experience of this.
Please make the appointment, you're not silly, you're not being over dramatic, this has developed into a real issue and you deserve help and support to get better.

@AgnesXNitt Thank you so much for your kind words, sometimes I feel like giving myself a good talking to! Every time I get in the car I'm convinced we're going to have an accident, and then I go into overdrive (scuse the pun) and now I'm thinking it's a premonition and we ARE going to crash and that's even before he's in first gear. I have crystals in the car for protection! Well that's two of you who have recommended the Doctor, I hadn't thought of it to be honest, it seems so petty and they're so busy but I'll give it a go. I don't think there's anything over the counter that's going to help enough bar drinking a bottle of wine before take off. Thank you.😊

what made you agree to this holiday?

it’s an odd choice for a holiday given your fear

i don’t imagine your DH is too excited about it either

If I was your child I would be getting rid of that app it's creepy

You need therapy and it is a weird holiday to choose to go on

You can self refer for talking therapies like CBT at the link below,which are a good starting point for issues like anxiety. Won’t solve your immediate problem but this sounds like it’ll take a bit of work over time.

www.nhs.uk/service-search/mental-health/find-an-NHS-talking-therapies-service

As others have said definitely speak to the GP - I have a friend who is the same and she goes everywhere by train - could you get a train ticket & meet DH at destination?

You can't let fears hold you back, life is for living and I consider this an irrational fear but it's not going to stop me doing what I want to do, all I have asked for is a recommendation for an over the counter medicine. @Edingril I didn't know such an app exited until my daughters introduced me to it.

Could you do a refresher course and start driving again?

Why did you agree to go that far? Where are you going roughly not exact location. Plan stops every 2 hours for a pee a coffee or a stretch of legs get rid of finding friends that isn't helping you is it? Go to the gp to discuss treatments for anxiety do it soon so the medication can start working, you can maybe try Valerian for anxiety which is herbal or kalms if you don't want to go to the gp.

Sounds horrible for you.

@Livingmybestlifenow thank you so much for the link, again something I hadn't thought of, I'll have a look at it.
@hellodolly1 Now that's an idea!

What does your husband think, I’m not sure I’d want you in the car!

it’s held you back your entire life
and rather than do baby steps and say… taken a holiday 50 miles away

you are doing a 600 mile round trip

did you decide this holiday? or did your husband?

that was my first thought

@FiveShelties I did do one but the driving Instructor couldn't understand why I needed one and wasn't much help.
@Mrsjayy We've been going to this particular place, to the same cottage for over 10 years and it's only this year that I've thought of taking something, I want to enjoy every minute of it without clinging to the seat until we get there, hence asking for a recommendation. If the Doctor thinks they can help, you're right, starting it early is probably a good idea, I was looking for a quick fix on the day there and on the day back. I might try over the counter and see if it helps, if not, Doc is then.

Thank you everyone for your replies especially for your positive advice. I'll be deleting now, some people love to troll.

love to troll 😆

oh you sensitive soul OP

good luck (to your DH!)

I don't think anyone is trolling you I like to think posters are genuine maybe a bit straight forward but not intentionally mean. Try kalms I take them for a few days before a flight they do work ime.

But you’ve said your husband drives too fast? So does he? It might be that you’ve been gaslit by him into thinking you’re terrified, when actually he’s a dangerous driver. Your fear might be rational if your husband regularly drives at 80.

you’ll be accused of trolling!

Not sure who is trolling the thread OP. You asked for advice, and you may not like some of it, but that is MN.

British people are weird about speeding. I didn’t realise until I was 16 and went to a couple of uni open days (friend’s parents driving!) that in some parts of society it was seen as socially acceptable to speed. I remember sitting in the backseat of my friend’s car and noticing the dial edging up towards 90 and thinking wtf! A few weeks later, a different uni open day, a different parent, same speeding story! All lovely middle class families, respectable jobs, would be horrified at getting a record I’m sure. It’s the same when people joke about how many speed awareness courses they’ve been on.

I too hate being a passenger but as you say you'd be limited if you didn't take the plunge and relying on public transport is fine for arranged plans but not for those spontaneous moments.

I do drive but again only out of necessity and am OK going from A to B but definitely no motorway driving from me and DH is pretty good when we do holiday by avoiding motorways wherever possible, so that goes someway to making long journeys more comfortable.

I'd definitely recommend a different driving instructor for a few refresher courses, it's not really down to them to wonder why you want/need a recap, it's you that doesn't feel confident and for them, if willing to do so, to bring back that confidence.
Even if the out come is that you can take yourself off shopping locally it's a bit of independence for you.

Have you thought of popping into your local chemist and having a chat with the pharmacist before vising the Dr to see if they can offer advice?