How do I make more friends and get new hobbies?

[NeedSomeAnswersPlease]

I'm aware this is a very broad question.

I'm 25, and live in a small, deprived seaside town. There's not much for anyone under the age of 70, any groups that are on are in the middle of the workday and so they're off the table.

I've ordered crochet sets from Amazon, I try painting etc., but I'm just not good at art at all. Anything creative I just struggle with. I looked into pottery lessons but they're very expensive for what they are and I don’t know it it would be my type of thing, it looks cool though.

All of my friends from uni live 2-3 hours away and even though we speak everyday and go for weekends away it's just not the same as having someone you can see on a whim on a Friday night is it?

I was bullied very badly in school and I think that's part of it, all of my hobbies are very solitary things - reading, baking, cooking. I love f1 and football but don't think they can be described as hobbies and in any event I go to these with my brother and dad.

I just feel a bit lost. I feel like I don't have much of an identity and want to be this interesting person and, eventually, settle down and meet someone. I've never dated anyone because I'm overweight and keep telling myself I'll find someone when I've lost the weight and I'm more attractive, and dating apps are a total waste of time down here. Nobody can carry a conversation to save their lives.

What do I do? I feel like an old hermit already and just feel so sad that I'm such a loner

What about a gym? Yoga class? Pilates class? Hiking/walking class? Swimming?

The website meetups. Bumble to for making friends. Join local FB groups to see what's going on.

I go to the gym 3-4 times a week but (like most of my town) it's mainly men who are 50-75!! I feel like I'm in a bad spot for meeting people because everyone is just so much older than me

I was thinking a walking group because I love being outdoors and walking but as I'm overweight I'm worried everyone would be pissed off with me because I'm a lot slower than them

What's keeping you living there? The world is your oyster, why not move somewhere more vibrant?

Move away?

Join the walking group 😊 You won't be the slowest I bet, and if you hate it you can leave.

I have to ask though - why are you living in a town you dislike and doesn't suit you? It sounds like now is the time to move to the city/big town....

Look on facebook for local women’s groups you can join. Increase your social circle that way. Forget about people being older than you, they might have sons and daughters you can get to know. Also join the local coastal cleaning group, I go litter picking once a week with a group of all ages and it’s a fun social event and something that is very much needed, especially during the summer when tourists visit the beach and leave their picnic detritus behind.

Walking group will be nice. They won’t mind. Won’t be long and you will be faster.

Don’t worry. Keep looking for things to do. There might be a dance class. Evening class? Is there a local college? Once you find things you like stick to them and you will slowly get to know the regulars!

Also don’t worry about age. I have made friends with people older than me. It’s a different sort of friendship.

Ps. Making friends is slow. You have to offer your phone number to people even if it seems forward. Be super relaxed. Not easily offended. You have to be open but also let people figure out what they need.

I'm not brave enough to move away - sounds stupid but I'm just not the type of person who would be able to up sticks and thrive somewhere else, and I don't have the money to move. I'm in a low paid job and I don't have the skills to secure another job, I don't think. I feel like I'm a bit of a failure in every aspect of my life I'm afraid

I would have a go at three or four different areas of life - fitness, creativity, community service, spirituality and try and do one activity from each every week.(Yours may be different)

So for fitness I might give a yoga class or bootcamp a go. For creativity, try an art class, a writing group, am dram or rock band practise. For community service, volunteer at a charity or join a community gardening/rubbish picking group or activism for a cause or political party you believe in. For spirituality, join a church (synagogue, temple, mosque etc) if you have faith or are interested in exploring it, and if not, join a meditation group or go to shamanic drumming or gong baths, where you don't have to believe to join in or get the benefits.

That way you have a very wide network of things you are trying out, places you are meeting people.

Some actiuvities are easier than others. A gym is not a place to make friends. People go to do their workout and go home. But a boot camp or beginner dance class is friendly and people interact as they try to get to get better. A choir is harder to make friends at than am dram, because in choir you stay in one place and focus on your music sheets. In am dram you are moving about and chatting between scenes.

Don;t try to make close friends too quickly. Just engage in the activities, enjoy them, and let friendship grow slowly and naturally. IME, it takes about three months for English people to feel comfortable around each other and about a year or two for close friendships to naturally form.

If you have been bullied in the past, be wary of new 'friends' who quickly expect you to do them endless favours but never return the compliment. Have boundaries. Take your time getting to know people before choosing to befriend them.

You are not a failure. You must stop letting negativity ruin your life. Get a journal, a nice one. Write a list of what you’ve got, what you want, and ideas of how to make life better and fun.

This is so true. One of my closest friends in my twenties was a woman in her fifties. We bonded over a shared interest and we loved each other's company.

Now I am sixty and one of my close friends is forty, I forget this about her. We just have stuff in common.

I love this suggestion. I have done it myself when feeling low and stuck. It really works.

Is there a WI in your local area?

If you like football, do you have a local non league club? They tend to be very friendly and a good opportunities for volunteering on committees etc...

Do you work? When I was mid 20s a lot of my social circle was formed from work colleagues of a similar age - we were all young and single so socialised a lot together.

Sign up for lots of things, especially if they give you a trial for free / cheap. Otherwise you’ll think “I don’t fancy that, not sure I want to commit to that…” and so on, and you won’t do much. Volunteer. You won’t know what you like until you’ve tried it. Go t local events and ask questions. Keep a journal of what you do and how you feel about it. Sign up for evening classes - now is the time when organisations start advertising them. Google your area to see what free events there are over the summer

When DD came back from uni, she joined a couple of local groups on facebook, I think one was for young professionals, the other a church group that had activities and welcomed everyone (even no church goers).

Do you work? If so, is there anyone you get on well with, doesn't have to be the same age, but you could suggest a coffee sometime.

Could you try working one or two shifts a week somewhere like a pub/large eatery - you'll likely to meet other people there.

Thinking about what you enjoy - are there any local reading groups or cookery courses that come up? Keep looking at local notice boards, including those in halls.

I'll take a look for a WI, thanks for all the suggestions

Honestly, consider moving away. Even if it's scary. Start applying for jobs elsewhere. Then look for somewhere to live or commute for a while. What have you got to lose? Just take the risk.
I moved abroad by myself at 25. Yes it was hard and terrifying at first! But I'm so glad I did it. Made friends and my confidence increased loads. I told myself if I didn't like I could always move back.

are you on a local Facebook group. I’d put a post up (can be anonymous) asking about local activities.
Im surprised that I’ve lived somewhere a long time and I still hear about things/groups that have gone on for years and I’ve never known.
Recently I’ve seen there’s a group for young women where they meet once a month and do a new activity together.
Is there a local college? The September adult courses lists should be out now.

Set up a book club on Meet Up. Com. Do you pay to watch F1 and football? If you have limited funds you have to be ruthless about what hobbies you spend money on. In regards to waiting until you are not overweight to meet someone, don't focus on weight, focus on having an active lifestyle and healthy diet. If you want to be efficient about it, lifting weights in the gym and a bit of cardio plus more steps.

What about a bar job on a Friday night? Sociable but get paid?

also im sure you can move - where is the nearest big town to you? Start looking at cost of renting a room in a shared house? That way you get housemates right away?

Download the meetup app and see if there are any groups that you would be interested on there. The are lots of people looking for others to socialise with and there is a variety of groups on meetup. It's very easy to join a walk and you can start to chat to people and they will usually help you with ideas for what other groups to join.

The obvious solution is to move to where your friends are, that way you have an instant network and it won't be scary. You need to look at your life long term. Staying where you are will change nothing at all. You will still be under confident and in a place you don't like, don't do that to yourself. You need to be your own best friend and you need to make sure that your life is how you want it to be. At the moment you are stopping yourself from living happily.

But you've been to uni? That was brave. You can do it again.

Where do your friends live? Can you join a house share?