"Dave shat on the bed again" what's your last WhatsApp msg?

[Stressedgiraffe]

Dave shat on the bed again- the last msg that Dd sent me while I was at work.
Took me a minute to remember that Dave is a millipede.
She had friends over today so I was wondering what the hell they had been doing.
What was your last WhatsApp msg?

It was in the work chat wanting to know what dates work for everyone for the Christmas night out.

Great name for millipede! And also I hope Dave shat on dd bed and not yours 😂

last one I sent was have you ever seen such a depressing dinner? To my dd when I saw a pic of a baguette with the smallest little sausage in it. That's it. No butter. No sauce.

last one I received was thank you for contacting liberty customer service...about the Christmas advent calendar pre order 🫢

Mine was to Celiac DP

Nope, nope, nope. It's maize flour so fill your boots. We were talking about frazzles (crisps)

Poor Dave! I’m sure he’s trying his best.

Mine was to our cleaner who is coming in each day to feed the cat:

‘Can’t wait to get home to meet our 320 new pets’

We’ve had a honeybee swarm move into our drawing room while we’ve been away and our amazing cleaner has now made friends with the local beekeeping society who are being extraordinarily helpful in dealing with them 🐝

Where shall we book for next years holiday?

When can we do that so you think? I was offering to dog sit for three days

“I managed a poo! Not as bad as I thought”

From my best friend, who is 3 days postpartum

When may I collect my package?

Sounds dodge but refers to Grasmere gingerbread. Dave would probably shit himself again in anticipation

From DP:
"I might just eat my own bogies for tea then. You're a shit wife"

I replied:
"Correct"

From DD

" I'm good thanks. Talk later I'm at work and Chloe's just ate my shirt."

DD works with animals and Chloe is a goat.

Don’t worry I’m used to it by now 🙄😂

DH after I apologised for old witch attitude to being invited to niece’s summer fayre at nursery at the weekend. I don’t enjoy events attended by 1 year olds

'Pussy is finally done!thank fuck for that'

I'd just finished a cross stitch of a cat

"DS2 is very tired and emotional" - to DH, gathering the troops back together to go home from the play farm. DS2 was crying because I hadn't helped him off the jumping pillows the "right" way.

Mine was to my Sister - a mix of the decorating my and DW are doing in our front room and to chat about a series she's watching on TV.

My much more interesting messages ended when I became really blood old and boring a parent, sorry! 😂

Cucumber.

‘Great! Then we can have steak and triple cheese dauphinois…’

To my friend when she confirmed she could change the evening she’s coming over so DP is in to cook

Just realised it's restaurant week, fancy tapas?

Sent: "X" to my teenager
Received: "Thank you" re work subject

'Take a pic and keep it for his 18th ' to DD2
(DGS, 3 currently naked on his spacehopper!)

Hope he didn't take your word for it. I can find two different ingredients lists for Frazzles online, one of which has actual wheat and the other of which is a may contain.

Sent to work colleague ref tea bar purchase:

Tesco has substituted my bulk box of 30 lattes for £20 for 4 individual boxes of 6 lattes - for the same price! Their math isn’t math-ing… 🤨

(I did of course decline that substitution!)

@SockQueen do you know that "tired and emotional" is Private Eye code for drunk?
Last message I got from my sister:
"Just so long as I don’t do a mum and careen down the stairs and shite myself!"

Sent to my old work bestie whose thought process is the same as mine.🙄

Wi-Fi
NETWORKS
DIRECT-2d-HP
M203 LaserJet
INFINITUM214c
INFINITUMxey5
•^①
MERA-CANCUNT3
4th one down made me laugh #Cancun airport on way home xxx
23:34
Yesterday
superb
07:31

Received: Hope the consequences aren't too bad.