Green flags: marry a person who .....

[Ineedaholidayagain]

Brings you orange juice with your breakfast so you remember to take your tablets

Cleans and tidies the kitchen when it needs doing

Does chores as part of a team and not to gain points
What else is a green flag?

Sets all manner of bugs free when they’re in the house instead of killing them.

Is polite to low paid workers

My own personal green flag was once when I went to bed after Dboyfriend, I went to the bathroom and my toothbrush was sitting next to the sink ready with toothpaste on it.

He does loads of nice things for me but I was definately ready to marry him after that. It's a tiny gesture but I thought it was really sweet

Wants to explore and understand new places on holiday and not just sit drinking

Believes in you and supports you.

Is kind and thoughtful to you when not well.

If they are making a drink or getting a snack they bring you one or offer you one.

Offers you the remote control sometimes.

Communicates. Listens and responds in a calm accepting manner. This includes intimate activities. It makes a massive long term difference to a relationship.

I love all these
You can talk about everything without arguing, even if you disagree. Mature debate is important.
You are both happy to ask knowledge questions as one person cannot know everything

When you are on holiday or out for the day, if you say can i go into this shop/can we get coffee here/ can we go there instead..always says yes. Just very easy going.

See that would have had the opposite effect on me. I would have been thinking WTF, does he think I wasn't going to brush my teeth?

For me, he is always lovely to my parents, I had a BF once who clearly had issues with DMum. DH will drop everything in an emergency for them same as for me and the DCs and his own parents. Also gets on well and makes an effort with my friends, same ex really couldn't be bothered with them.

Never makes you feel you can’t speak up or say no or disagree with anything. If you have that you have your freedom.

Nearly all the green flags above could easily go hand in hand with an abusive man.

Asks your advice on things outside the domestic sphere e.g. how to approach an interpersonal issue at work, and at least sometimes (assuming you give good advice) actually follows it.

Who you can fight with "well". Life always has bumps along the road and you won't always see eye to eye. Someone who gets really angry when they don't get their way is obviously one to avoid, but someone who gives you the silent treatment, or someone who has so little confidence and self respect that they instantly cave to you are also bad.

I agree, I would have felt controlled because that’s a weird and too personal ‘kindness’.

Is sensible with money without being a tightwad.
Is kind to animals and children.
Doesn't live like a pig in shit.

Someone who is transparent about their finances

You can communicate with them rationally and calmly, and resolve differences without resorting to silent treatment, name calling or rudeness

Someone who makes you laugh and who you can laugh with

Someone who never makes a fuss about seeing your family, is just happy to welcome them as he would his own

Totally agree @JoanCollected - I was reading through the list thinking "yes but anyone can do that for a bit, until the mask slips" and was trying to think of some less "maskable" things for my contribution.

if something can be carefully performed by someone who is wearing a "good guy" mask then it's not a green flag. Obviously good guys do do many of those things, and are doing them out of genuine love and goodness. But that doesn't make them a green flag.

When he’s got the day off work, expecting a lie in on a cold morning. You look out the window half way through getting ready for work and he’s scrapping the ice off your car in a big coat over PJs.

Loves his mum.

All the losers I've dated had a dreadful attitude to their mothers. No respect, derogatory comments.

I learned my lesson eventually.

I was going to write "is kind to animals and children" too!

Dh and I have been together for 28 years (met in our teens) and I remember visiting his house for the first time, being struck by how much he loved their pet cats. I also saw him really engaging with his baby cousins. Even to this day he likes babies and young children and can be bothered with them far more than I can!

Someone who doesn't need to be left with an instruction list and pre-prepared meals or meal plans if you go away and leave him with the dc for the day or a few days.

Someone who wouldn't expect to get more time to pursue hobbies and interests than you do.

Someone who doesn't have stereotypically different expectations of their dd and ds.

Someone who has successfully lived a well-managed lifestyle without a woman's support - for at least a year or two. So that they know how to keep track of the myriad of little things that just need doing and haven't always had someone else to do them ie if they went straight from living with parents to living with first longterm partner.

Someone who empowers and encourages you to do fulfilling things that don't involve them, and isn't jealous of the time you spend in fulfilling hobbies.

Who listens to you when you're mad. Never shouts or tries to win an argument, but calmly listens, understands your point of view and then works with you to find a resolution.

Is a fierce feminist ally.

Doesn't like competitive sports.

Let's you initiate sex so you feel empowered and safe. (While gently flirting and being tactile and loving every day to let you know he fancies the bum off you)

Waits on you hand and foot when you're ill or pregnant and given birth.

Says "go for it!" When you're considering giving up shaving.

Is great at sex and oral sex.

Brings you coffee every day.

When you're having night terrors or nightmares and gently holds you and says "it's OK, you're safe, you're safe, it's just a dream, I'm here, nothing can hurt you"

Very similar sense of humour. I couldn't live with someone who didn't laugh at the same things as I do.
Makes our early morning tea every day.
On the odd occasion the loo gets blocked, he sorts it out without any fuss or drama or moaning. I appreciate these last two things more than I can say.
Does all sorts of DIY around the home. He's extremely competent but he knows his limits and doesn't try to tackle anything beyond them. Never procrastinates (unlike his wife).
Notices and appreciates what I do to keep the household going.
Excellent company.

Is open about money and finances
has a well adjusted family that get on.
turns up when he says he will.

Cuts the grass without being asked.
Doesn’t leave their dirty socks on the floor 2ins from the actual laundry basket.
Doesn’t get angry with every tiny misdemeanour that people make when you’re out and about or driving somewhere.

Doesn't drink to excess.
Must treat my cat like a God 😉