Green flags: marry a person who .....

[Ineedaholidayagain]

Brings you orange juice with your breakfast so you remember to take your tablets

Cleans and tidies the kitchen when it needs doing

Does chores as part of a team and not to gain points
What else is a green flag?

The green flag for me was that we hadn't known each other very long, we were sitting by the fire after a long walk and I fell asleep. To be so relaxed with him that I could do that was a revelation after being married to someone I was constantly on edge with.

I'm afraid toothpaste on the toothbrush would give me the creeps.

Doesn't drive aggressively
Doesn't complain when you want to support friends/ family
Doesn't nit pick about small amounts of money
Treats animals and all other living things respectfully
Doesn't wee on the toilet seat!!

Oh this would be a dealbreaker 'eww' moment for me! I'd be really turned off (and a bit paranoid thinking that he is telling me my breath stinks!) 😷

Is prepared to listen to his in laws talk dreary shite for hours and nods along. Understands that family dynamics differ and are complicated and adapts to yours. Knows when to keep opinions to himself, if that's the norm in that family. Likewise, he makes an effort with his family and expects you to integrate, and helps you do this. Understands family boundaries on both sides, doesn't have a co dependent relationship with his and doesnt expect this in your family.

Puts the toilet seat down when you explain how unpleasant it is to stumble groggily into a dark bathroom in the middle of the night and sit down...

And then always does it at home, day or night.

And then switches to peeing sitting down at night, because he realised that the noise might disturb me.

And then teaches our sons to do the same.

And teaches our sons to mop up if they miss.

Someone you are some comfortable with you can fall asleep next to in full contentment.

Someone who makes you a cuppa in the morning without being asked, always fills the kettle for 2 as automatic consideration for the other.

Someone who when you've had a crap day, or when your hormonal and fed up makes some food you love, or runs you a bath or something you love just because they know it might help a bit, and give you a big bear hug with no expectations of it leading to anything.

Someone who will change poonami nappies at 3am and bathe said poo coated baby in the middle of the night so you don't have to get out of bed.

Someone who likes kids and animals.

Is up doing household stuff while I am sat in bed reading emails and posting on MN.
Oh and he brings me a cup of tea in bed.

So people are going to write about their own partners here and describe how wonderful and perfect they are and leave other posters thinking wow is my partner a dickhead because he likes football and doesn't run me baths.

The most important thing is as a poster said above you can discuss things openly and without fear of consequences if you disagree. If you're with someone who you can't talk to, who will sulk with you if you disagree or refuse something, or worse, then you may wish to consider LTB. If he hurts you or is nasty to you or your children, or drinks too much or gambles too much or cheats on you, LTB. If he doesn't run you baths or prepare your toothbrush at night or make you tea and you would like him to, then talk to him. If you feel you can't talk to him...LTB.

Knowing that having a child means parenting that child equally and that taking it in turns getting up early is just what a dad does and it isn't "helping out" the mother!

Knowing that when you come into the kitchen after work and there is a glass of wine half drunk on the counter that you don't say "drinking in the week?!", you just give the wife a lovely hug, ask if everything is okay and then go and entertain the kids. To be fair, that wasn't instinctive, but it only took him one mistake to learn what the correct reaction was! 😁

And generally just being kind and gentle to people and animals.

I think this is key, I believe an adult green flag relationship is one where you can talk and the other really listens and tries to understand and then either changes something or helps you understand why they are or do things that way. My DH learn from each other and talk about everything, we run a very democratic house.

• has similar ideas about how to spend leisure time, holidays etc. and plenty of overlap in taste for music, TV and films.

Isn’t scared to learn from me, as I learn from him. For example I cooked a meal that my OH didn’t know the recipe to and asked me how to make it. Then made it a few times. But constantly said it’s my speciality - but I loved that he wanted to learn as opposed to asking me to do it. Same goes with other things.

Isn’t stuck in their own ways.

Emotionally intelligent - as in can read a room and behave appropriately

For me, I married my DH because he was kind, gentle, softly spoken, generous and genuinely tried to do things to make my life easier.

After a marriage of egg-shell walking and nasty selfish, bullying (ex, not me!) it was/is a revelation.

Pretends to hoover your toes whilst making nomnomnom noises

That properly made me smile! What a lovely fella! 💖

Never uses your confidences or vulnerabilities against you - to ridicule, upset, isolate you.

Is responsible with money, but equally not a tightwad.

Is cultured, well spoken and behaves in private the same as he would in public.

Likes and respects women and doesn't associate with men who don't.

Is not a regular pub goer and does not enjoy pub culture.

Pleases you in bed and is physically affectionate.

Pulls weight around the house and with DC.

Doesn't play the victim, gossip, gamble.