Why to men always feel the need to tell me about their wives?

[Mousefoot]

My social life is such that I meet a few new people most weeks. I find that men, often I. The first few sentences will mention their wife or their partner, often completely out of context. They'll find a way to say I went with mt wife, or my GF said....

It doesn't matter as such. I'm not chasing them in any way, just trying to make polite conversation in the same way I do with the women I meet, I just find it interesting.

Are they assuming that I must fancy them? Are they protecting themselves from themselves or from me? Is it really just a natural thing? Or am I doing something that makes them feel the need to get it out there? Does it happen to everyone?

If takes a difference, I'm middle aged and very ordinary looking, quite the introvert, but making an effort.

Mousefoot · Today 12:42
CultOfRamen · Today 12:41
Or people talk about what’s important to them?
**
Maybe, but women don't mention their OH's in the first few sentences

I usually do. my husband talks about me and friends/colleagues often enquire after me too. Perfectly normal thing to do.

How do you know they think she fancies them

I presume they are making conversation like I do with people I don't assume they have an ulterior motive just because they happen to be male

Not in the first few sentences, like men do.

Not to you

That sort of thing, yes, but I think women, talking to me, would say I went there a few years ago, rather than who with.

No, and that's my point.

I had this a few years ago with a 80/90s kids TV person who is about 40 years older than me.

He was at my work and I was sent to help him set up, within 10 seconds of me asking what he needed me to do he said "I'm actually married and I have been for 10 years", and then he was quite angry about it and mentioning his wife every 10 seconds. I would ask where he wanted me to put his microphone and he would answer saying "My wife always prefers it when it's here" or I would try and make small talk and he would say "I only talk about the weather with my wife" etc, literally every sentence.

I definitely didn't give him vibes that I fancied him because, quite frankly, I couldn't stand the bloke.

So I can't answer your question as to why it happens, but I do understand that's its very weird when it does.

I remember, as a single woman in my 20s, getting really fed up with men chatting away to me at parties and not mentioning their wives/girlfriends/fiancées. Not only did I think I was talking to an interesting interested prospect, I wasted time talking to them that I could have been spending talking to single men!

I wouldn't. Id say i went with mates, work colleagues, husband my dog. It opens up the conversation as you wouldn't then ask me if i went to x art gallery with my dog or to the romantic restaurant with my mates

It’s likely this

amazing that mentioning a partner makes you arrogant but I’d also assume not mentioning one would make you a sleaze who’s trying to have an affair.

Poor men. Cant get a break can they. They mention their wives etc they are arrogant and pathetic as they clearly think you fancy them (according to some posters on here) and if they don't mention them they are wasting peoples time.

They're arrogant and think you fancy them.

Or it could be the opposite, and they want you to feel comfortable in the knowledge they're not gonna try it on. Letting you know they're 'safe' as it were. Wouldn't automatically assume the worst.

But presumably you're not a man. I am. Women have on occasion very quickly mentioned their boyfriends/husbands. Maybe they're thinking that I fancy them?

Poor things.

I think it’s the opposite, it’s to signal they are just nice friendly people who aren’t going to try it on. So not assuming you fancy them, but letting you know they aren’t going to perve

it happens to me a lot more now I am old and fat than it did when I was young and pretty so I assume this is the case!

You could always retort "thank god you're off the market wink wink"

I'd also assume this

I take it as don't get your hopes up, when I have no interet and am just trying to be polite.

Yes, I think the OP just wants a bit of man bashing on a Friday afternoon lol.

Husband works in a role where he often has to make small talk - he often chats about me and kids and I do think there’s an unconscious part that is trying to put someone at ease when you don’t know anything else about them. Interestingly I had to meet someone in his role a few weeks ago and they showed me pics of their kids - I don’t think it was to put me off flirting, I didn’t think anything much of it at all, but upon reflection it does make the other person more real and human.

Men, quite rightly, get a lot of messaging about being aware about how we come across to women and to not be creepy. I suppose we could just say "I promise you I'm not a predator" but that probably isn't particularly reassuring. Slipping into the conversation that you've got a wife could just be an attempt to signal I want you to know that there's a reasonable chance that at least one woman thinks I'm a moderately normal human being and safe to be in the company of. And by mentioning her up-front you know that I'm not trying to pretend to be single because we both know the implications of that. Please believe me, I'm not going to hit on you, I'm just trying to dispel any doubts and make you more comfortable.

Or maybe he just loves his wife and she's often on his mind. Who knows?

I'm terrible, I just right out say - don't worry I don't fancy you wink and dig them in the ribs.
I enjoy the bright red face.

I wonder if they're doing it so that they don't have to worry about coming across in the wrong way.
It was useful when a colleague of mine mentioned that he had a husband as it completely changed the meaning of previous comments he had made about my figure and clothing 😂

I love men actually. I'm not interested in a relationship currently, but I enjoy male company and I agree, it's hard for them to get things like this right. I'm also very interested in people and why they do what they do. That's all this is, absolutely no bashing anyone.

My god, I thought it was just me @Mousefoot . I get this too. Men shoehorning their partners into any conversation.

Tried and trusted friends have told me it's because I have smiling eyes and it comes across as flirting to the opposite sex, especially when combined with (wait for it, drumroll please...) asking them questions about themselves/their lives. You know. Conversations and stuff.

Ergo - woman speak to man = woman must fancy man and be flirting.

I'm not sure what to make of it really. I'm not inclined to change "me" just so men don't think I'm flirting with them so they'll just have to wrongly assume I am and enjoy the ego boost.

Needless to say, any single guy I might be interested in doesn't seem to pick up on this smiling eyes thing and take the initiative 🙄