Should I tell parents if I think their daughter is autistic?

[ConcernedWorker]

So, I work at a summer camp, and I think a child I look after is autistic. I'm well versed in the presentations, and she seems to have less support needs, but I still think it's important to tell her parents about this and recommend they see a professional for more advice.

The only thing is, I discussed this with my boss, and apparently it's not a good idea. Given that we aren't actually a school, with an actual SEN co-ordinator, just a summer camp, our word holds less weight, and given his experience with this in the past, parents don't take kindly to our concerns.

So far I've done my best to make camp more accessible for the more neurodiverse kids. I give them the option of sitting out our more taxing activities, and try to help them overcome any shyness or issues to help them socialise with the others. We're working on having ear defenders and the like, but it's a bit slow going.

Anyway, my point was if there was anything I could do? I wanted to have a parent's perspective on this so any advice helps. Thanks for reading.

I'm on another thread where the OP's "D"H has complaind that DD's new myopia control glasses cost too much, with the subtext of "she doesn't really need them". Some parents either don't know or don't care that the child has additional needs, so the forest camp provisioning them is a really good idea.

My parents refused to pay for glasses for my long-sightedness and astigmatism until I was 15.

No way! Maybe explain the ways the child is finding things hard and ask if they have any strategies at her school.

I think your boss is right because it might come across that you are giving up on a child because they are autistic. As a parent I would prefer you to tell me that there was a particular problem (if there was) and to ask my advice how to encourage my child to do this and that (only if it’s absolutely necessary to do this and that). So if child refuses to go to the toilet it’s one thing but if they prefer coloring to all other activities - leave them to it.
Hope it make sense.

I'm well versed in the presentations, and she seems to have less support needs,

This is giving me strong Dunning-Kruger vibes.

Bloody hell, no. Absolutely not your place. I was a preschool manager for 30 years and even when I had my own thoughts, I would never voice it to the parents in those terms.

I think this is a really tricky area. I work in a role where I am interviewing hundreds of teenagers and young adults with additional needs and am well versed in presentations.

I've had several occasions where it has seemed very apparent to me that they may meet criteria for eg ADHD or autism spectrum conditions and sometimes schizophrenia and I've generally been quite coy about saying anything.

However, this has meant that they have had delayed diagnoses, and they didn't get on waiting lists at times when they were 4 months until assessment compared to 2+ years, and they have missed out on support at critical periods because I thought it best to keep quiet.

So now, depending on the scenario I tread carefully but might introduce ideas , possibilities in a more general sense. I talk about how some people find labels helpful and others don't, and how nothing is really cut and dried as different experts will also assess an individual differently with some believing a threshold has been met for a certain diagnosis and others disagreeing. I take my lead carefully from the individuals involved in the conversation to guage an idea of their preparedness to entertain possibilities, and the level of distress they are presently experiencing. (I could see someone acing their life who I believe may have an ASC, and I would be unlikely to say anything as what would that achieve when they are already at the top of their game and living their life happily?)

On the other hand if I see someone clearly having a lot of adverse experiences and clearly in distress, and I have an idea that further assessment might really help them, then I am more likely to try to broach something.

I stress I am not an expert, or in any place to say one way or another and that if they want to explore further they should speak with their GP.

I've got to this point because I've seen how saying nothing can actually be detrimental to people I have worked with, and have watched them struggle. It's a very, very careful conversation to have.

No, it doesn't. Desensitisation doesn't apply to anyone.

Your son needs to concentrate at school and you should do whatever works for him to make that happen. That's more important than "getting used to" distractions. As an adult, he will be able to ask for reasonable adjustments and pursue a career in which either he can control his work environment or distractions won't affect his work.

I really appreciate this post and your approach. I agree it can be harmful to say nothing, even though it's difficult to say something. I do think there's an art to planting the seed and I thank you - on behalf of the young people you support - for doing your best.

Please be careful OP, I have a colleague diagnosed with a neuro diversity as an adult and now 'diagnoses' everyone. According to her 75% of our office are definitely autistic or have ADHD, yes they may share some of the behaviours she associates with her own neuro diversity but that doesn't mean anything, lots of people get distracted doing a boring task or are disorganised. She has gone so far as to refer people she manages for assessments and tries to convince them they are ND.
You've not known this child long and other than your own experience and interest you don't seem qualified to make this kind of judgement.

@MaidOfAle yes I guess that's a good way of looking at it. Better that the child has what they need. I hadn't thought about parents not providing them if necessary!

Exactly this. By doing this you are proving that you are not qualified at all, and should stay quiet.

I wish someone had mentioned to me that my daughter could be autistic. Instead it took till she was 14 and she went in to autistic burnout.
So, if it doesn’t put your job at risk, maybe bring it up in a subtle way somehow to test her reaction? Perhaps say something about there being lots of autistic kids in camp and how parents sometimes don’t seem to realise? Actually come to think of it, the special needs teacher at school said this to me
and it went right over my head…

No, you're not qualified.

Well it is perhaps slightly different for adhd as it is not just noise being loud, but rather it’s distracting. I know that if you wear headphones routinely the auditory system just gets more sensitive to sound so you can’t win, which is why they are only advised for short periods for noise sensitivity and in conjunction with training to desensitise to loud noise as on the leaflet I linked to. I work in a related area professionally.

with adhd it would perhaps be a different mechanism as the noise you’re blocking is not overly loud. But I guess it is good to try to learn to cope with distractions if possible, but probably not if it’s high stakes such as during GCSE revision. How distracting noise is I guess depends on how interested you are in what you’re doing, how interesting the noise is , how much concentration your task takes, how tired you are. I did read some research once that said a general babble is easier to screen out than one or two voices. So maybe try to build up tolerance to some noise when some of these factors are favourable, but I’m just guessing re this from my own difficulties with coping with noise. My guess would be that as long as they are not over used and your DC is exposed to normally noisy situations at other times it would be less of a risk than just making the world quiet most of the time.

Lots of people need quiet to concentrate and traditionally classrooms were kept quiet for a reason. so maybe the problem is more with expecting people to do difficult work in noise. Bit of a stream of consciousness maybe someone will come along with more specific knowledge re adhd.and headphones.

Of course. But you can only prepare for all of that if you know in advance that the child is ND. When a child is struggling, you have to fly by the seat of your pants and do the best you can in the circumstances, and with what is available to you.

I understand the CoP including delivering training on it and QA’ing implementation! ( though I'm not sure about where the holiday club funding comes from, could be LA, MAT etc).

The OP said she is a psychology student with an interest in SEND. I was providing her with the statutory documents to develop her knowledge.

I'm sure you are very experienced and may even be an expert on the SEND Code of Practice. I also think it's important not to give inaccurate information. To say that it must be followed by 'all of those working with children and young people' is inaccurate.

Please don’t do this, you’re not qualified.

A well meaning after school club leader once made a similar comment that my DS might have a particular condition, it was completely erroneous and caused considerable disruption and worry.

I know. Stepping way over her level of competence. Just baffling

The fact that teachers and other professionals are told to 'butt out' is precisely the reason a lot of children struggle throughout school. It's only when the parent actually asks the question as to why their child isn't on a similar path to their peers that suddenly everyone agrees with them.

FWIW I'm currently teaching a child who 100% has ADHD. But there is not a cat in hells chance I am going to even suggest it to the parent. They don't want to know. They won't see you as being helpful, you will be blamed. Sadly what generally happens now in schools is the same with dyslexia and other conditions like ADHD. No teacher will bring it up, parent is oblivious. teacher hopes that the next year teacher will bring it up - and so it continues.

I have a ND child. Luckily for rme, I already suspected it so asked early practioners straight out for signs. As such, we were diagnosed by age 7 and have had great support.

Honestly, we should be able to mention it. The parent only knows one child, their own. When you're worked with literally thousands of age 7 year olds for eg, you know the signs. It's a shame for the children imo but sadly, I would also say, don't say anything.

I'm not as horrified by this as most posters here. I tutor kids and see them on a weekly basis, sometimes for years. It feels uncomfortable to notice that a child is faced with particular challenges that might align with a ND diagnosis and to know that these challenges may well be affecting their education and sense of well-being and to just leave it to the parents or the school to hopefully pick up on a potential need for support and possibly assessment. It almost feels immoral to do nothing and allow further delay to the child getting potentially life-changing support. Is there no duty of care?

This is a debate I have with myself a lot.

It doesn’t matter how many people on mumsnet say you should or shouldn’t. Your boss has said no and explained exactly why.

I'm a parent of a ND child (now adult). I had no idea about the ASD side of things as I worked in a different industry, but a career change and I now work in DCs old school with some of their old teachers. I told them about DCs ASD diagnosis and they said they suspected as much. If they had shared their suspicions it would have helped understand the issues DC was facing, instead I felt in the dark about it all and blamed myself. It was only when they were 13 that the penny dropped and we sought a diagnosis.

Having said that @ConcernedWorker I would follow what your boss has said. You can of course keep observations factual - ie DD struggled with noise today during XYZ so they used noise reducing headphones or DD is struggling socially so we have tried XYZ to support them.

No for the reasons mentioned above but bless you for trying to help. The relentless enforced social team activities of summer camp can be pure hell for autistic children

No. I was told very abruptly by a not very nice teacher at DS's school during Parent Teacher evening. I came out reeling. It was so out of the blue. He'd had a host of very serious physical difficulties from birth and had only just overcome them, the last thing I needed was some teacher he was scared of dismissively diagnosing him at me. A parent collecting a kid from summer camp is not ready to hear this at random.

The teacher was right. But I had no idea. And telling me so abruptly, with no planning, was horrible. If you are qualified to make the assessment then you could suggest a meeting to discuss the child's presentation. Otherwise, leave it.