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Very toxic

37 replies

Shitmum2024 · 30/07/2024 17:01

This is complicated. So dd has an ex from a while back. He went to prison due to DV . He was let out of prison on several occasions but only for a few days or so as he breaks restraining order and ends up back in prison . He's done 4 years when he was originally meant to do 4 months . But he's fucked up so much it ended up being 4 years .

So he got out recently. He managed to contact dd. She ended up ringing him
via social media and told him to fuck of leave me alone this has gone on to long leave me alone. And she never heard anything more.

A short while later I get screen shots of the contact that I explained above. But they were sent from my 17 year old son. Who is hanging out with DD ex friend shes 27. who has a massive vendetta against my family. The only way they could have got them school shots was if DD ex sent them to the ex friend. So theses screen shots were then being used to say dd kids are going to be taken away etc... DD then had to contact the police, social services, and DV advocate. And she had to report the contact and admit that she rang him to shout leave me the fuck alone etc. So that side of things are being dealt with .

Forgot to say . There were also messages from the ex friend to dd ex boyfriend that said have you spoken to her yet. So we are thinking the ex friend tried to set it up.

So far dd ex friend (27) has done the following (some are petty)

When dd got her council place because of DV . The girl went ape shit . Tell dd she had played the system skipped the housing waiting list etc .

She contacted me telling me that dd was going to get back with her ex and she has evidence that she's going to show social services and gets dd kids taken away . She was extremely convincing. I managed to get her to show me the evidence. And what she showed me was not the same as what she had been telling me .

She told people that dd was slagging of her children. Then she changed it to my ds was slagging of her children.

She's told me ds that I have been taking his pip money .and that I owe him 4k. I have not been doing this at all. All the transactions are in the account. Even though there's proof he won't believe me only her.

She's also been telling people ds 17 is a pedo.

Ds has basically been staying with this 27 year old . Getting drunk with her for the past several days. She's told ds that his family have disowned him and he now has no one only her . Ds is vulnerable. And will hook onto anyone that shows a bit of kindness and says the right thing . He said to me she's not a bad person she said sorry for horrible things she has said /done .

Ds is also meant to be in supported accommodation but he has not been staying there because he's been staying with her. I'm concerned he will loose his place there. I'm not sure if he's safe being at her place.

Ds has asked me to take myself of the pip claim as appointee I am worried about doing this because he may basically drink it and she will help him spend it.

I have spoke to DS social worker. She didn't say much .

Just to add this situation is awful and complicated. It's made me feel very on edge and I don't feel I can cope with any nasty comments. Or judgement. And also the I mean this kindly comments that then lead to something unkind . If I feel attacked In any form then I will just ignore.

OP posts:
TheBottomsOfMyTrousersAreRolled · 30/07/2024 17:37

I don't feel I can cope with any nasty comments. Or judgement. And also the I mean this kindly comments that then lead to something unkind . If I feel attacked In any form then I will just ignore.
I don‘t think you are in the frame of mind to hear anything. What do you want people to say? It is all a mess. Does anybody work? Is your ds in school or training at 17? What is his pip being used for? Because it clearly isnt being used as intended or your wouldn't have so much banked.

Shitmum2024 · 30/07/2024 17:48

TheBottomsOfMyTrousersAreRolled · 30/07/2024 17:37

I don't feel I can cope with any nasty comments. Or judgement. And also the I mean this kindly comments that then lead to something unkind . If I feel attacked In any form then I will just ignore.
I don‘t think you are in the frame of mind to hear anything. What do you want people to say? It is all a mess. Does anybody work? Is your ds in school or training at 17? What is his pip being used for? Because it clearly isnt being used as intended or your wouldn't have so much banked.

You honestly think your reply is helpful

OP posts:
Allthehorsesintheworld · 30/07/2024 18:02

Your ds is vulnerable and could easily be coerced by the ex friend into anything — giving her his money to possible criminal activity to frame his sister for I don’t know what.
Your dd sounds vulnerable, violent ex partner, children ( is he their father?)
I think you need to write down all your concerns in bullet point form. Give one copy to the SW you mentioned. Send a copy to head of Social Services so it is recorded somewhere. And take a copy to a police station, or ask local community officer to contact you and give them a copy.
If the abuser who’s been in prison contacted your dd at all then this should be included.
Maybe your dd should change her number, make sure all SM is set to highest privacy settings etc…

cupcaske123 · 30/07/2024 18:15

I'm not really sure what you can do bar speak to the Social Worker again re your son.

Re your daughter she will have been made aware not to contact her ex so I've no idea why she did it. She needs to block all unknown numbers on her phone, close down all social media and make it clear to everyone that she doesn't want to hear from him.

Why are you in contact with the 27 year old? Can't you block her?

Shitmum2024 · 30/07/2024 18:16

Allthehorsesintheworld · 30/07/2024 18:02

Your ds is vulnerable and could easily be coerced by the ex friend into anything — giving her his money to possible criminal activity to frame his sister for I don’t know what.
Your dd sounds vulnerable, violent ex partner, children ( is he their father?)
I think you need to write down all your concerns in bullet point form. Give one copy to the SW you mentioned. Send a copy to head of Social Services so it is recorded somewhere. And take a copy to a police station, or ask local community officer to contact you and give them a copy.
If the abuser who’s been in prison contacted your dd at all then this should be included.
Maybe your dd should change her number, make sure all SM is set to highest privacy settings etc…

Yeah some of what you said has been done . I think I will have to contact a duty sw regarding ds . Police are coming to see dd soon . It was meant to happen last night

OP posts:
Shitmum2024 · 30/07/2024 18:18

cupcaske123 · 30/07/2024 18:15

I'm not really sure what you can do bar speak to the Social Worker again re your son.

Re your daughter she will have been made aware not to contact her ex so I've no idea why she did it. She needs to block all unknown numbers on her phone, close down all social media and make it clear to everyone that she doesn't want to hear from him.

Why are you in contact with the 27 year old? Can't you block her?

It's the fact my 17 year old son is staying with the 27 year old . And he is vulnerable. And I have blocked her weeks ago

OP posts:
cupcaske123 · 30/07/2024 18:24

Shitmum2024 · 30/07/2024 18:18

It's the fact my 17 year old son is staying with the 27 year old . And he is vulnerable. And I have blocked her weeks ago

You need to escalate it with social services, emphasize it as a safeguarding issue.

I don't know your son's vulnerabilities but is there a charity or organisation who can help advocate?

Shitmum2024 · 30/07/2024 18:27

cupcaske123 · 30/07/2024 18:24

You need to escalate it with social services, emphasize it as a safeguarding issue.

I don't know your son's vulnerabilities but is there a charity or organisation who can help advocate?

Edited

I spoke to her briefly yesterday. But there,are updates but she's has not answered calls or messages . So I'm glomg to need to contact duty I think

OP posts:
cupcaske123 · 30/07/2024 18:28

Shitmum2024 · 30/07/2024 18:27

I spoke to her briefly yesterday. But there,are updates but she's has not answered calls or messages . So I'm glomg to need to contact duty I think

Sounds like a plan. Also see if there's advocacy available.

Shitmum2024 · 30/07/2024 18:34

cupcaske123 · 30/07/2024 18:28

Sounds like a plan. Also see if there's advocacy available.

Advocacy for ds ?

OP posts:
Froniga · 30/07/2024 18:39

Shitmum2024 · 30/07/2024 17:01

This is complicated. So dd has an ex from a while back. He went to prison due to DV . He was let out of prison on several occasions but only for a few days or so as he breaks restraining order and ends up back in prison . He's done 4 years when he was originally meant to do 4 months . But he's fucked up so much it ended up being 4 years .

So he got out recently. He managed to contact dd. She ended up ringing him
via social media and told him to fuck of leave me alone this has gone on to long leave me alone. And she never heard anything more.

A short while later I get screen shots of the contact that I explained above. But they were sent from my 17 year old son. Who is hanging out with DD ex friend shes 27. who has a massive vendetta against my family. The only way they could have got them school shots was if DD ex sent them to the ex friend. So theses screen shots were then being used to say dd kids are going to be taken away etc... DD then had to contact the police, social services, and DV advocate. And she had to report the contact and admit that she rang him to shout leave me the fuck alone etc. So that side of things are being dealt with .

Forgot to say . There were also messages from the ex friend to dd ex boyfriend that said have you spoken to her yet. So we are thinking the ex friend tried to set it up.

So far dd ex friend (27) has done the following (some are petty)

When dd got her council place because of DV . The girl went ape shit . Tell dd she had played the system skipped the housing waiting list etc .

She contacted me telling me that dd was going to get back with her ex and she has evidence that she's going to show social services and gets dd kids taken away . She was extremely convincing. I managed to get her to show me the evidence. And what she showed me was not the same as what she had been telling me .

She told people that dd was slagging of her children. Then she changed it to my ds was slagging of her children.

She's told me ds that I have been taking his pip money .and that I owe him 4k. I have not been doing this at all. All the transactions are in the account. Even though there's proof he won't believe me only her.

She's also been telling people ds 17 is a pedo.

Ds has basically been staying with this 27 year old . Getting drunk with her for the past several days. She's told ds that his family have disowned him and he now has no one only her . Ds is vulnerable. And will hook onto anyone that shows a bit of kindness and says the right thing . He said to me she's not a bad person she said sorry for horrible things she has said /done .

Ds is also meant to be in supported accommodation but he has not been staying there because he's been staying with her. I'm concerned he will loose his place there. I'm not sure if he's safe being at her place.

Ds has asked me to take myself of the pip claim as appointee I am worried about doing this because he may basically drink it and she will help him spend it.

I have spoke to DS social worker. She didn't say much .

Just to add this situation is awful and complicated. It's made me feel very on edge and I don't feel I can cope with any nasty comments. Or judgement. And also the I mean this kindly comments that then lead to something unkind . If I feel attacked In any form then I will just ignore.

You should keep the control of your son’s PIP. He’s 17 so not yet an adult. Once he reaches 28 it will be a different matter of course.
Sorry you’re going through this.

cupcaske123 · 30/07/2024 18:55

Shitmum2024 · 30/07/2024 18:34

Advocacy for ds ?

Try Family Rights Group for advice regarding dealing with social services and what your options are
https://frg.org.uk/

Other options are to contact a charity that deals with his needs and ask them for advice and support.

You can also try Family Lives
www.familylives.org.uk

Helping families Helping children - Family Rights Group

We work with parents whose children are in need, at risk or are in the care system & with kinship carers who are raising children unable to remain at home.

https://frg.org.uk

Shitmum2024 · 31/07/2024 06:26

Dds DV advocate has said that my DS is now a danger to DD due to the person he's mixing with and the whole situation. It's a fuck up. I have not even been to sleep.

OP posts:
summerdazey · 31/07/2024 06:30

There is a lot of detail on here. Hopefully it isn't too outing.

Firstly, what a hard situation! I'm sorry you aren't getting any help in dealing with it. Have you tried citizens advice?

RandomMess · 31/07/2024 06:35

Can you contact the police about DS, that he is being groomed and coerced due to his vulnerability?

Both of those are crimes now.

Shitmum2024 · 31/07/2024 06:46

RandomMess · 31/07/2024 06:35

Can you contact the police about DS, that he is being groomed and coerced due to his vulnerability?

Both of those are crimes now.

When police cone to talk to dd about the situation i was going to talk to them then. But they was meant to come today Monday night they never turned up. Then Tuesday day them night.. and they ha e nkt turned up any of them times . Dds a dv advocate tried 101 for 90 mins they didn't answer. Dd tried twice and every time it hit 30 mins on hold it cut her off.

I don't know how seriously police would take it . She's a female he's male he will be classed as an adult soon . He is vulnerable . But he does not cone across like he is .for how useless they have been so far I be surprised if they took it seriously.

OP posts:
Willyoushutthefrontdoor · 31/07/2024 07:57

Im so sorry to hear of this. You must keep on at SS for you son and the police for both. I know how difficult this is when it seems no one is listening or taking your concerns seriously but your son could be in extreme danger.
My friends son was vulnerable and in assisted living. It's like SS almost washed their hands when he turned 18 so you need to try and pre empt this. The police response after 18 was, well hes an adult...theres only so much we can do. They removed him, he went back and so the circle continued. My friend knew her son was being coerced to do the most awful things by a family who were rotten to the core. Unfortunately, It ended in the worst way imaginable. I really dont mean to upset you so i do apologise if i did. But there are some real vermin in society and these things really do happen. This female sounds like a first grade manipulator, user and abuser. I am not sure who to reach out to that can help you but I sincerely hope authorities listen to your concerns and take them serious very soon.

RandomMess · 31/07/2024 08:58

Please report to the police he is recognised as being vulnerable use that to insist they take it seriously.

Shitmum2024 · 31/07/2024 10:27

Willyoushutthefrontdoor · 31/07/2024 07:57

Im so sorry to hear of this. You must keep on at SS for you son and the police for both. I know how difficult this is when it seems no one is listening or taking your concerns seriously but your son could be in extreme danger.
My friends son was vulnerable and in assisted living. It's like SS almost washed their hands when he turned 18 so you need to try and pre empt this. The police response after 18 was, well hes an adult...theres only so much we can do. They removed him, he went back and so the circle continued. My friend knew her son was being coerced to do the most awful things by a family who were rotten to the core. Unfortunately, It ended in the worst way imaginable. I really dont mean to upset you so i do apologise if i did. But there are some real vermin in society and these things really do happen. This female sounds like a first grade manipulator, user and abuser. I am not sure who to reach out to that can help you but I sincerely hope authorities listen to your concerns and take them serious very soon.

Thank you. I managed to get hold of sw in the end she's going to arrange to see him. I'm hoping she takes it seriously.

And yes i hate the 18 mark. It's almost like people think there's a button pressed on their 18th birthday and they are suddenly not vulnerable

OP posts:
Shitmum2024 · 31/07/2024 20:42

I'm mow getting threats from the 27 year old because I spoke to social services. Ffs.

OP posts:
cupcaske123 · 31/07/2024 20:44

Shitmum2024 · 31/07/2024 20:42

I'm mow getting threats from the 27 year old because I spoke to social services. Ffs.

Through your son?

Shitmum2024 · 31/07/2024 20:47

cupcaske123 · 31/07/2024 20:44

Through your son?

She sent a message to dd from a new account as dd blocked her on every saying tell your mother . Bla bla

OP posts:
cupcaske123 · 31/07/2024 20:50

I would keep all threats, tell your daughter to save any messages. Log all abuse. I'd advise your daughter to lock down accounts to make them private. Have you had any advice from the police? It might be an idea to call them.

Shitmum2024 · 31/07/2024 21:00

cupcaske123 · 31/07/2024 20:50

I would keep all threats, tell your daughter to save any messages. Log all abuse. I'd advise your daughter to lock down accounts to make them private. Have you had any advice from the police? It might be an idea to call them.

They came today to talk about dd ex.
We also spoke about what this woman is doing and they said she's not breaking any laws etc
They did not seem intested at all . Dd was angry about it. And called her DV advocate.
And it turns out her ex is being recalled to prison.

She also spoke about the 27 year old and the dv advocate believes something can be done and they are working on getting a non molestation or simlar. She's going to help dd sort lt out. There's also a risk that dd ex has been told her address as well .

OP posts:
Willyoushutthefrontdoor · 31/07/2024 21:14

My friend tried to get a new law implemented for disability hate crime and it was even mentioned in the HofC by our MP at the time. Met with deaf ears I believe. They also acted like they couldnt do anything even when her son was found dumped like a dog with 27 fractures. I am a total advocate of police but it absolutely boils my piss when they act like this and don't listen to parents concerns strongly enough. Would you contemplate going to the police with her threats? Or would you daughter?