Going away during GCSE exams

[changedmyname24]

Would you allow your DC to go away for the weekend during GCSE exams, for something they desperately want to do & may not get the chance to do again. Would be on weekend 2 of 3 weeks of exams.

Said child is very bright & got nothing below a 4 in Year 10 exams, also got 2 8s & 2 9s (taking 11 subjects). Is capable of 9s in most subjects (except about 4 of them). School report indicated areas of concern in 2 subjects re independent learning (teacher feels lack of effort).

One parent is ok with this, the other is not.

DS only wants to go with DH. Would not go with me.

So the event can't be that uniquely important to him.

I can't imagine anything you're just watching rather than participating in being worth even considering jeopardising public exams for.

I think your DH is being irresponsible in encouraging this (and the November plan sounds an iffy too ), he's not modelling sensible responsible behaviour.

I assume the reason you’re saying no is because you want him to stay at home and revise but realistically he’s not going to do that as he will be too disappointed about not being at the event

Of course, but I suspect it's the DH that is pushing a lot of this ! He wants to go himself. It's blindingly obvious it's a boys together thing!

@Birdingbear - even though there’s a risk he won’t get back to the uk in time for his Monday exams? I think I’d be of your view if it was in the UK, but international travel is a bigger risk factor, even if it’s not (on paper) that big a journey.

The French do like a good strike /farmers protest on a sunny day. Even if he made it back, the stress of sitting in gridlock trying to get to the port would not be the best prep for 2 exams.

sometimes you can’t do everything and exams matter.

So the event can't be that uniquely important to him.
I can't imagine anything you're just watching rather than participating in being worth even considering jeopardising public exams for.

100% agree with @ErrolTheDragon here.

OP, when you were being neutral, you said you wouldn’t be comfortable with pulling a sickie in November. But would DH?

(utterly think it would be better for him to take unpaid leave, but it’s one of the options.)

Not if he's got any sense and the parents knock the idea on the head now.

GCSEs mean next to nothing, simply a stepping stone to the next thing.

Potentially being tired for one/two exams is going to make zero difference to their life.

Missing an event, or whatever it is, depends on how important it is to the young person.

Probably best to look beyond your personal bragging rights "Tarquin got, 6 grade 9s" or whatever and let kids enjoy life.

The 2025 AQA timetable is already published.

I would 100% let them go if it was a case of they might never get the opportunity again. With the caveat that they need to try harder and put in more effort with the two areas mentioned. Use it as a bargaining chip, teacher stated they are trying harder they get to go. If they piss around they don’t get to go

In the scheme of things, you may be right about the value of GCSEs.

However, what is important is the message the trip gives to the DS. How the trip is worth risking an exam for. Or being tired for. How life experiences are more important than commitments. How 'pulling a sickie' is ok if it's to go to an event your DC wants to go to.

If your DS will only go with DH, then that tells you how important it is to him. And I think that your (you and DH) dithering is giving him a terrible message.

DD did GCSEs this summer. We all adjusted family routines, holiday plans, responsibilities so that she could focus on what was the most important period of her life (so far). No regrets.

I'd say yes but use that as leverage that you need to see prof of effort

It's not a sickie though is it, event is on Saturday night and the exam is on Monday.

Both can be attended.

Lot of angst about teenage mental health these days and it's restricting their lives like this that doesn't help, amongst other things.

I wouldn’t go out of the country with an exam on the Monday, definitely not. I certainly wouldn’t contemplate arriving back early Monday morning!

Tiredness, potential delays, no last minute revision…not a recipe for exam success.

If your husband can’t take time off in term time, I’m guessing he’s a teacher. He should know better. Tell him to show some respect to his KS4 colleagues and support everything they’ve worked hard for.

Depends, he needs to pass English and maths - and then any subject he interested in for the next steps.

If he’s on track for 5/6 passes, and exams aren’t on every day.

Id let them go.

If the subjects on the Monday are ones he is interested in doing at A level, remember you normally need a grade 6 at GCSE.

I know someone who had an apprenticeship lined up, but he didn’t get a 4 in his maths. They dropped him and he’s now washing cars.

I agree that exams are the be all and end all, but they do matter.

I would say yes (and i work in education). I find this idea that students don’t do ANYTHING other than revise during GCSEs really odd and it doesn’t properly prepare them for A levels, uni, or professional quals where they’ll have to live their life as well instead of being almost in exile focused solely on exams.

I would say yes on the basis of hard work throughout next year and a clear revision schedule which takes into account time lost over that weekend - and a promise to be on the way home at the earliest opportunity on Saturday morning, if not driving straight back on Saturday.

Life is for living after all.

No chance I would allow this right before 2 exams

OP @changedmyname24 Is it Le Mans?

So, the GCSEs are broken into two tranches - 2-3 weeks in may; about 10 day gap over half term period and then another 2 weeks.

We actually insisted DS took the weekend off after the first tranche of exams because we feared burnout that continued stress involved - sent him and to Thorpe Park with an older sibling, went to the cinema as a family and a curry (and a couple of lagers!) afterwards… then back to the books on Monday.

So long as the timing is right (last weekend in may before the official half term) and so long as you don’t think he’d come back completely sleep deprived/knackered/need a few days to recover, AND, so long as he commits to keep up a consistent revision programme from Xmas (ours did that, so that we avoided the 12-14hr day revision-binge thing), then I’d say go ahead.

In the real world, weddings, sick kids and all manner of things crop up in the middle of important work projects and you need to learn to pace yourself, build in slack and manage the stress - I’d look upon this as a healthy learning experience?

No.

They are the most important exams of their lives (missed A levels can be replaced with an access course- there’s no opportunity to resort GCSE)

Theyre on for about 5 weeks of their whole life. Theyve got the rest of their lives to go away.

“So long as the timing is right (last weekend in may before the official half term)”

It is clear from OP’s posts that it isn’t that weekend (there would not be exams on the Monday if so).

I agree that a weekend off at the start of the half term would be fine.

Having got my 2 now adult kids through the exam system, I'd say to do it...life is too short to miss out on one chance only experiences, and the exams you sit at 15, whilst important, do NOT define the rest of your life.

I appreciate that whilst you're in amongst the exam years it's difficult to see beyond them, but there really is a life at the other side of them, and with the exception of a desire to study medicine or similar, there is more than one way to skin a cat educationally.

It's not a sickie though is it, event is on Saturday night and the exam is on Monday.

The sickie applies to DH if the November date is chosen.

. I certainly wouldn’t contemplate arriving back early Monday morning!

Arriving back early Monday would be if the November date is chosen.

You mentioned it was in France. Given the changes to travelling to the EU (from October) and that for many even next May it will be their first experience of them, expect delays in part caused by people not paying attention to these, given it is 8 years since the act of economic harm was voted in.

Made an MN rookie error and did not read the RTFT.

Looking at the nature of the weekend the travel to France, and the fact he is currently getting 5s but capable of 7+, it would be a hard no. There is the scope to resit GCSEs, and then do A Levels a year later as 6th form is open until 19, so kids can have three years if needed… but would you really want to risk it.

As an aside, my DS had a disaster at end of year 10 and was getting 4/5 in assessments. He pulled it around and got 7-9s in Jan mocks and was predicted that in the actual exams. Quite often they are not there mentally/maturity wise in year 10, but suddenly when they start visiting 6th form colleges and thinking about A Levels/what careers they are interested in, this changes. I’d probably have a chat with DS about this around now as you need to apply for college places in Sept/Oct so this may help DS realise that whatever it is that DH is offering to take him to, will still be there in other years, but that his priority is is exams.