Going away during GCSE exams

[changedmyname24]

Would you allow your DC to go away for the weekend during GCSE exams, for something they desperately want to do & may not get the chance to do again. Would be on weekend 2 of 3 weeks of exams.

Said child is very bright & got nothing below a 4 in Year 10 exams, also got 2 8s & 2 9s (taking 11 subjects). Is capable of 9s in most subjects (except about 4 of them). School report indicated areas of concern in 2 subjects re independent learning (teacher feels lack of effort).

One parent is ok with this, the other is not.

You have to for eg UCAS.

I can't get over that people won't pull a sickie 🤷‍♀️. I've done it, loads of people do. We're paid sick time, I take it as extra holidays about 2-3 days a year.

Is your DH a teacher, OP?

I think the biggest problem you have op is that you just don't know how he'll be. His results right now, his attainment and attitude right now are no guarantee of what they'll be next Spring.

He could have knuckled down, be supremely organised and started proactively revising months in advance - and be so well prepped that a trip away would do him the world of good.

OR he could be struggling, stressed, anxious and finding the exams a total ordeal and time away will be hugely detrimental.

OR he could be relaxed, calm, say he's totally fine - but for YOU more than him the exams will be a nightmare because you've struggled to get him to revise enough and want to pull your damn hair out at his lackadaisical approach which is contrary to how he's approached school the whole way up until Y11 (that one was us this year with ds1 😂)

You say you are in SE England, you can get ferries through the night. If it is so vital that he goes then go to the one in November, drive through the night, catch a ferry. The parent will have to go to work somewhat sleep deprived. The teen can either go to school sleep deprived or have the day off. Better than risking a GCSE exam day missed. My dc did do some activities during the exam period but only locally and a day or two here and there.

Alternatively if they happen in November and May then I imagine that they will happen again later on.

We said no to our straight 9s DD when she wanted to go to a concert an hour away from home during the first three weeks of exams.

It was a hard no from both me and DH.

We had similar conversations when my DC were exam aged. My DH ran their football teams and although not overnight breaks, it did cause quite a discussion between parents on whether they could attend training/matches and tournaments, one teenager was missing from the team for 2 months prior to exams. Most parents were of the opinion that the DC needed a break from revision. We took our DC on a weekend away, he took his revision notes with him. Ironically the DC that wasn’t allowed to come to football didn’t do well, and had to repeat the year, went on but hated University and only did a couple of weeks before leaving.

If it's Glastonbury, no. If it's a family wedding, yes.
Hard to say without detail.

We know it's neither of those...

WJEC timetable has been published for next summer already

If your dh has a term time only job, does he work in academia? GCSEs are often the deciding factor for uni offers. If the two Monday exams go badly - either missing or just tired/missed last weekend of study - then this special event could completely change your dcs future options.

why does your dh think his career is more important than his dcs?

has your dh even asked work about that Monday in November? Even just asking for a morning off and getting the night ferry. (Agree overnight ferry home and dh goes to work shattered is an option!)

Even teachers are able to arrange cover for one day absence in term time. I would be able to arrange a day off for something like this if I really wanted to. If you can't then you head is not very flexible.

Having read updates, I'm with you OP.

It's disappointing, but that's life. There will always be things we have to miss due to other parts of our life (work, family responsibilities) coming into the foreground.

So the choice is between gcse exams or missing a day off school. No brainier. Go in November. In years to come, he won’t even remember the subjects he missed at school. However’ potentially doing less well in exams will be with him for ever.

No, either girs at another time or misses completely. Education is important, not much eclipses it in my view.

Do this then. Missing one day of school and a day of work is way, way less important than going to an event in the middle of exams.

I would use going in November as a carrot to knuckle down and study, get the year onto a good start etc.

Why can’t you take him in November? And take the Monday off work if your husband can’t and doesn’t want to pull a sickie?

No.

He will be revising in that time (there’s too many papers and too much to do to get it done before exams start, as one poster suggested).

Are both of your jobs term time only? Is there anyone else who could take him in November (uncle etc)?

Your kid will burn out if all they do is study. They need free time too so yes, let them do what they want that weekend.

No, because of the risk of not getting back for the exams. Find another adult to take them in November.

Doesnt really sound like they'll never get the chance again, sounds like DH wants to go himself.

Isn't it reasonably obvious the mum doesn't want to go at all? In November or June!

I'm assuming this is a thing both males enjoy and want to see? And so DH prefers the weekend in June as zero consequences for him (other than tiredness).

DS only wants to go with DH. Would not go with me. DH's job is physical & potentially dangerous (to others) if done tired. Currently looking into Eurotunnel back early Monday in November (ie train at 2am, arrive UK same time with time difference).

Sometimes we do things we don’t want to do because our kids want to do them. Isn’t that part of being a parent?

That is your decision. If you are asked for them all, you need to give them all. You can choose not to. As long as you know you could lose your job through misconduct or get a record for fraud.

OP - if ds was given a choice of going with you in November or not at all, what would he pick? gcse weekend is a no.

your dh can ask for work to give him a day unpaid leave, they may say no but he can ask.