Can she move nursing home

[Mymum87]

I'm just thinking out loud to MN I don't know if this is even possible.

My mother has recently been put into a nursing home . In boston uk .by her partner due to dementia. When she had assessments it was said she could live at home with her partner. With carers coming in. The partner refused and took himself of to Devon. He's about 10 years younger than my mum . And fit and gos diving etc. He's been gone around 3 weeks

Now she has no one in boston all her adult children are in London.

Her care home is not a private one and no one would be able to pay for a private one . But im wondering if she could be transfered to London. I'm not sure if its simple though. I think she would not have a local connection ? And I'm thinking there are probably not many nursing home places in London. And maybe if has to be under her own local authority?

You need to enquire with the Adult Social Services for the area she's in currently and see if a move would be possible.

Yes she can move but it’s not always as straightforward as you are imagining, especially since she isn’t funding the home.

Nursing someone at home with dementia is a very big commitment and not for everyone.

In theory you can live anywhere.There is no requirement to be under your former local authority.

Is her partner not coming back?!

Yes you can do this.

If your mum wants to go, obviously.

It seems not. But I can't be 100%

If the council have said that she could manage with carers at home I would be surprised if the local authority will keep funding the care home unless the partner or your mum are paying privately for care or respite? You need to speak to the local authority social worker and request an assessment. If they are funding and her needs cannot be met at home they may agree to move home if that is what your mum wants but if she isn't funding it and there care home where she is cheaper someone may need to top up the difference. The only way to find out is to have a needs and financial assessment to see.

Expecting someone to provide 24/7 care even with help for some tasks is unfair and unrealistic. A person with dementia can’t realistically be left alone. They were setting up the partner to be tethered to the mother permanently.

I think what the council would have said is that she can manage at home with 4 care calls a day - if there is someone else living there too.

Partner obviously didn't feel he could cope and has sourced appropriate alternative care.

That's very true . It is sad how he's vanished though.

If she could be cared for at home with carers the LA wouldn't fund it. If they've said if the partners not there she needs 24 hr care, the level of input would be huge from him. When did you last spend a significant period of time caring for her?

This would have been a long time coming. 5 years ish. How many times in the last five years did you stay with your mum so he could have some respite from his caring responsibilities.?

Have you checked he's ok?

Hi OP, it is possible to get mum moved but it will depend on whether she is deemed to have capacity to agree or disagree with that option and what is considered to be in her best interests. Don't be fobbed off by her social care team that it can't be done as that is not correct. I would suggest you start looking into local homes to enable you to have an informed conversation with the social worker. The current local authority can still look at meeting the costs equally they can ask the new local authority to take on responsibility but they don't have to do that. Don't be told you have to pay a financial top up either - this is NOT mandatory although many families are not given the choice. Your mum having better and more frequent access to her family is absolutely going to be in her best interests but you will probably have to argue the case to get her moved but be assured it absolutely can be achieved. I wish you all the best with it - also check if mum has been assessed for Continuing Health Care funding (CHC) as well.

Have they been living in her home, either o/o tenancy in his name? Has he been at risk of being made homeless anyway?

I have not had any time with her what so ever. There's a back story to that. I totally get he may not be able to look after her . But it is sad that he's just vanished . And she is a home very far from Any family.

So you're judging him with no actual idea of her level of need?

Nope you have misunderstood.

You've said i have not had any time with her what so ever.
So how do you know her level of need and care, why don't you and your siblings offer to care for her in your homes?

There is a massive back story . I can't answer for my siblings. They did have regular contact with her . But I have not I saw her for the first time yesterday in many years . As much as there has not been any mother daughter relationship for many years that does not mean I want her to end up with no regular visitors due to the distance.

What's happened to their house if he's taken off and she's in a carehome, do they own or rent. Does he have power of attorney and does she have mental capacity.

My mother complicated situation hemp please
28 replies

Mothernotmother · 25/05/2024 13:10
Ok so I have been no contact with my mother for many years . She was quite horrible to me as an older teen young adult I tried loads of time to build a relationship with her but she hated me for no reason . So I decided I can't make her be my mum and I stopped all contact.

So shes now is her 80s . I dont think she even remembers me. Anyway my sister has contacted me telling me that she has gone down hill alot . She keeps falling . Can't walk across the room can't make herself a cup of tea basic things like that. Last time she got up to go to the toilet fell and banged her head on the radiator. Her partner did not hear her fall as he's a bit deaf so she was there for about 5hrs.

Her partner is in his 70s and pretty fit. He does things like diving and lots of holidays and says he won't be able to take her away anymore and she will have to go into a home.

Because of the fall she was/is in hospital . Social services have said no to a home. But want to send her to a rehabilitation centre for a month to start of with. The aim is to get her back home.

After speaking to my sister i learnt that mum has no walking aids , rails or anything like that in her home .

My brother thinks her partner just wants to get rid of her and stick her in a home. I don't know if this is the case I have never met him. But my brother thinks he won't want to give up his live style. Ie diving , living away from uk for 9 month of the year etc.

Anyway my brother has said if he needs to he will take my mum in. My sister is saying how lovely it is of him to offer . But my brother is an alcoholic. My sister has told me he gets quite aggressive and nasty shouts ect. I don't think she understands alcoholics because if he's moaning about money for example she will say well if he leaves the drink alone for a couple of weeks he would have money. Or if he just had 1 or 2 drinks. He would be more pleasant

Also on a practical level he had 6 steps going up to his flat. Plus 3 steps going down to the bedroom. She can't manage on a bungalow. So I can't see how his place would work.

Would Social services check to see if he's suitable?

When I first heard of the situation a few weeks back . I felt like well fuck her . I did absolutely nothing wrong to her. Yet she hated me for nothing at all. In my heart I know I never done anything to hurt her. But now I'm starting to feel bad for her abd my instincts are ti look after her😭

Almost forgot ger memory is not right either. She told my sister they got back from abroad 1 day ago . But its Been 4 weeks.

I have just copied and paste the first post of a thread I made a while back when I first learnt thjbfs were going on

I have absolutely no idea of that side of things . I don't know if she has any rights to anything at all .

Is she still in hospital. I'd let her go to rehab where she can have the proper assessments including her finances and current home situation. If she lacks capacity then they will speak to whoever has power of attorney and hold a best interest meeting. If she wants to go home and can make that decision then the rehab team and social services can arrange all that including small adaptations and equipment. Her partner doesn't have to cares for her if he doesn't want to. Are they married, is it her own home. Any of you can express any concerns to the hospital staff.

So her partner hasn't 'put her in a nursing home?!

Rehab has already happened. It was said she can go home. With care and adaptions put in. Her partner felt he could not care for her. So she's in a home in boston uk. He's gone to Devon. Everyone else lives in London. I was just hoping she could get closer to London so that she's not totally alone

He wouldn't just be able to put her in a council run carehome, social services and the hospital would have been involved in that decision. There's obviously a lot going on that you're not aware if but your siblings must know if she's married and who owns the bungalow and you can check online if anyone has power of attorney