My autistic son and talking to strangers

[Gsmum6]

My lovely DS is 6 and has autism, at one point we didn't think he'd ever speak.. how wrong we were. He doesn't stop now!

The problem I have is that he talks to strangers. Alot.

Not only does it concern me from a safety point of view it can also be embarrassing. For example, he addresses every elderly person as "hello granny" or "morning grandad" and unless you know him and how to take him, it's easy for some to take offence I guess.

I always correct him and my go-to reaction used to be to apologise and tell them he's autistic and means no offence. well now he has taken to telling every other passer by that he's autistic 😂

From a selfish perspective, it also makes me feel quite sad when people look at him as though he has two heads or just completely blank him when he says hello. I'm sure a random kid spontaneously engaging a perfect stranger in conversation might catch some people off guard but he/we have had some really funny looks.

I keep reiterating that we shouldn't / don't have to talk to strangers, stranger danger etc and it isn't sinking in. It's who he is.

Is this as big a problem as it feels like to me? How would you handle it? I've NC.

He sounds adorable and delightful but I understand your concerns regarding stranger danger etc… not really sure what to suggest but anyone that could be not very kind to him are horrible. I bet he would make most people smile!

Yeah I've been there. It's awkward af 😬
I'm not even sure if I have advice, we just kind of tried to ride it out, but it was so stressful feeling like we were walking on eggshells anytime we were in a public place. He's 19 now and this side of him has improved a lot, thankfully!

It wouldn't bother me and I'd say a quick hello back. I might teach him not to call people grandma and grandad though. Some people might react negatively to that. He sounds like a sweetie.

Also, I wouldn't worry about stranger danger, as if he's speaking to people so readily, he won't be out without an adult for a while yet

What a sweet little boy :)

Let him be.

He won't be alone, so he won't be in any danger.

How does he react when someone doesn't say anything back? Does it make him sad?

I hope that as he grows older, he will realise that some people (strangers) are unfriendly and not worth greeting.

*How does he react when someone doesn't say anything back? Does it make him sad?

I hope that as he grows older, he will realise that some people (strangers) are unfriendly and not worth greeting.*

Or someone not saying anything back could be ND themselves and not comfortable interacting with strangers.

Not comfortable "interacting" with a sweet little child who greets them?

I am sure there can't be that many such people.

And in real life such people would have to interact with many strangers, whether they feel comfortable or not.

What is your advice to the OP?

I’m used to working with children so it wouldn’t bother me. He sounds lovely. I think I’d let him be for now at least.

OP sounds like she’s doing a great job as it is. She just needs to keep reiterating about “stranger danger”.

My point to you is that you don’t know why people may not be responding. It’s not a matter of being “unfriendly and not worth greeting”. And no, not everyone is capable of interacting with strangers unexpectedly. Not even when they are “sweet little children”.

Oh my goodness it's not just me! My son is autistic and has combined type ADHD. Diagnosed before 3 with autism. ADHD came later and he's now 13. He talks non stop. To everybody. He now has a better understanding of stranger danger or so I like to think but I do worry. He will engage anybody who is passing our house in conversation. He's a trainspotter. He will happily walk up to anybody to discuss this. I don't leave him unsupervised. He's allowed to walk to the shop 200 yards away but even there he's got a rep. I just keep repeating and reminding. I hope things even out as he gets older.

I hope that as he grows older, he will realise that some people (strangers) are unfriendly and not worth greeting.

It's not necessarily being "unfriendly" not to want to engage a random child in conversation.

There could be all kinds of reasons people don't want to engage - including the fact that they're neurodiverse themselves!

Oh and similarly, he will quite happily tell people he's autistic. He also sings a song about it while they're standing there looking confused 🙈

My DS 10 (not diagnosed yet, on pathway) is like this! Has no issue striking up a conversation with anyone and telling them anything.

Have you tried using social stories with him to help him learn about talking to people he doesn't know? There are lots available on Google, just search 'people.i can talk to social stories' or 'social stories about talking to strangers' (or words to that effect).

While it's very sweet that he wants to say hello to people, there are still lessons to impart about who it is and isn't okay to approach when out and about. Social stories have worked really well with my autistic DC and I use them in my line of work too.

Aw, he sounds really sweet. Like some PP have said, just be aware as he gets older. He could be taken advantage of.
I can't do kids at all, so any trying to talk to me throws me all sorts of ways.
Saying that, my DP is autistic and loves talking to kids. He will try and engage with any near by, say hello to their mum etc.

My DS was just like this. He's learned to be less chatty with strangers as he's got older. I think just support him to develop his social skills as best you can and keep doing what you're doing.

He sounds so sweet. My DS gave a half hour lecture on dinosaurs to a Dad at the play park one Sunday morning. He was 4. 😆 Classic.

The Dad was just baffled and amazed at the knowledge and all the long dinosaur names.

Most people realise straight away when a child has LD, are ND or whatever, pretty quickly and take the lead form the child

There are very very very few people out there that have nefarious designs on your child and the chances of your child meeting one is slim

Allow your child explore speech at his pac. Aged 6 Im sure you arent allowing him to roam the streets unsupervised.

Time enough to do the stranger/danger awareness

My 10 year old is just like this. I worry so much about how he will be as he gets older.

My 12 year old son has autism, as well, and gets 'that look' from people, too.

I hate it. His little face is so 'open' and smiley, and when i see people look at him like he has 2 heads, it upsets me.

I met a lad like your DS recently - he launched into chat, and it wasn't long before he gave me a hug. His mum kept apologising, but I thought he was an absolute sweetheart, and wasn't bothered in the slightest. Most people would presumably recognise that he is neurodiverse, and accept that, but others might find it awkward, especially as he gets older. You can't control their reactions, nor are you responsible for them. Like you say, he is who he is. Regarding safety, as he's only 6 I presume you are always nearby.

This, yes it is nice to chat to a child But it is rude to assume people have to act the way you decided and if they don't think of them badly unreasonable or whatever

They could have had terrible news bad day at work, having a migraine or yes just rude but I think it is ruder to assume anything

You have described my DS to a tee! He was diagnosed with ASD before his 3rd birthday and then ADHD a month or so ago age 6.

He is also a trainspotter! He can tell you what train goes where, what 'class' they are etc and he's never been on 90% of them 😁

We went to Birmingham in April and he told me which trains we needed from London.

They're incredible kids aren't they?

Thank you all for the replies. It's lovely to hear that there are quite a few just like DS.

I haven't actually tried a social story about talking to strangers, that's a really good idea. He responds well to them in general.

Really???

Perhaps they were sweet autistic little children too who have grown into not so sweet or little autistic adults who are experiencing sensory overload, trying not to scream or self harm in public and unable to respond?
Speaking as one.

You could try extending your compassion for this little boy to include the adult he may potentially grow into.

"Most people realise straightaway when a child is ND" - I completely disagree.
My DS is 19. Even now, people seem to have no clue about it. An ex friend asked if the paediatrician who diagnosed him was "sure". The fact he presents as charming and chatty seems to immediately make people think he's not autistic. Like we've made up all the stuff that he goes through daily.

Putting, sunsetsandboardwalks, Edingril, Fimbledore,

I am thinking at the feelings of this friendly 6 year old boy with autism, the subject of this post.

You seem to be more concerned about the sensivities of the unknown persons he talks to.

I am sure most people would be fine with saying hello or something in return, and the rest can just ignore him if they like.

I am just hoping that as the boy grows older, he will be more selective with who he talks to.

My advice to the mum is, let him be, as he is not alone and therefore not in danger.

The mum says:

"I keep reiterating that we shouldn't / don't have to talk to strangers, stranger danger etc and it isn't sinking in. It's who he is."

What is your advice to the mum?

Should she somehow force the boy to stop talking to strangers?