Surely you shouldn't let your toddler ROAR in a cafe?!

[Worrieditsamistake]

Sat here trying to block it out but good god it's hard! Cafe in question has a very small soft play area in the corner but is is definitely NOT a softplay cafe. It's quite busy and I would say 80% of customers do not have young children.

There are around four young children playing (all under 4 I'd guess) and a couple of women who I'm guessing are the mothers are sat on the table next to the play area.

The children are having fun and there is a lot of excited screaming, which is fine. But one of the boys has been stood for ten minutes literally roaring at the top of his voice. Little fists bunched up, arms back, leaning forward and ROARING. He's definitely not upset, it seems to be part of the game (they are playing monsters or something, and the other kids are running up to him, squealing in excotemt and running away again). The mother (I assume it is the mother) is smiling on indulgently.

WTF?? What has happened that allowing a child to roar continuously i a public place is OK??!

I’ve noticed that shrieking is definitely a thing these days!

God I fucking hate other peoples’ kids. I’m so sick of this kind of thing. Pathetic and weak parenting.

The difference in behaviour between French and English children has existed for a long time. About 40 years ago when a relative used to go on joint summer courses for adults, the attendees were allowed to take their children.

The organisers ended up banning all English children because of their poor behaviour.

French parents ( in the main) have zero tolerance for bad behaviour. French children, especially teens, out of the reach of their parents however .....

Are there any other teachers (or ex-teachers) on here that forget they’re not at work and randomly end up going, “Erm….EXCUSE ME?! Do you MIND?” to a strange shrieking child in the middle of Tesco?

Just me?

I accidentally did, once! And have had to stop myself many more times. The one time it happened, I was genuinely expecting a punch in the face but instead I got an apology from the parent and a “Alfie! What have I told you before? That’s not how we behave is it, mate?”

I’ve also almost went, “Ahem! No RUNNING in the CORRIDORS!!!” in the freezer aisle about 6 years after I stopped teaching in schools.

Obviously YANBU but these threads are boringly predictable with the nasty comments about chav parents and the Perfect Parent Brigade who would never let their DCs behave like that and were taken to restaurants from being babies for shots and giggles I can see we've already moved on to the fantastic behaviour of French kids.

My take would be that dc playing in a cafe with a small play area is absolutely fine, and that entails a little bit more noise than a ordinary cafe. BUT all the dc should be using ‘indoor voices’ as they are inside in a shared space and not at home where they dont necessarily have to think about others comfort. Any parent who DC starts yelling or roaring should intervene and get them to be quieter or take them outside until they comply.

I definitely wouldn't have allowed my children to do this.

My 2 year old started a huge fucking mass roar at an aquarium a little while ago. He saw a shark, did a roar and set off about 16 other toddlers. Mine did stop when I told him though but I very embarrassingly had to shuffle out while 16 roaring toddlers stormed around the tanks being chased by their mothers. The difference in behaviour here to the children in my country is very stark.

So curious to know if this is a cafe very near my house....it sure sounds like it!

You’re actually admitting to being that person who glares at parents while they’re trying to deal with their tantrumming toddler 😆 also, what joyless culture doesn’t like people making noise?

Thank you for the replies, it helped to vent!

For those saying IABU given that the cafe has a soft play area, I totally understand why you would say that but honestly, it just isn't that sort of set up. The cafe is actually part of a venue aimed at teens/adults, and the purpose of the soft play area (and as I said, it's a small area in a corner) is to make things a bit easier for people who can't avoid bringing small children along. It is NOT a cafe that is centred around younger children.

And honestly, I wasn't exaggerating about the roaring. I've got three DC (older now - hence being at this venue) and I'm practiced at tuning out general kids-being-kids noise. And in general I try to let this shit wash over me or I'd be in a constant state or rage just leaving the house 😂This was a totally different level.

It made me feel pretty despondent really, that these children are being raised to literally give zero shits at all about the impact their behaviour has on the people around them. I'm probably a bit lax about many things and have made plenty of parenting errors, but I ALWAYS drummed it into the DC to be mindful of their surroundings and be considerate of other people, ever since they were tiny toddlers.

Things like empty cafe=ok to have a potter round, busy cafe=stay in your seat so you don't get in anyone's way. Empty park=spend as long as you like on the swings and climb up the slide, busy park=take turns and down the slide only. Empty train=take as much room as you like, busy train=sit together and leave seats free. As they've got older, in your room=listen to whatever you want, in public=headphones at all times. Etc etc.

I now wear ear defenders in public when the screaming and shrieking of small children is just too much.

As soon as they start I take them out and put them on. Doesn’t stop them but at least it lowers the volume.

A couple of weeks ago I was in a Costas coffee shop. A mother came in with a girl who must have been aged about 3/4. For the next hour,this child proceeded to scream as loud as she could,every few minutes. Just for the hell of it. Her mother seemed totally oblivious, completely absorbed in her phone. I ended up putting my ear buds in and playing music just to block it out.

I thought it was just me!

Oh gosh,I'm so sorry to hear this. How awful. I think if it had been me,I'd have done exactly the same and given them a piece of my mind. The vet practice that I take my cat to has a similar set up with the lighted candle,but it's not unusual for there to be noisy kids in the waiting room. Thankfully so far,it hasn't been an issue,in that the candle hasn't been lit when these badly behaved kids are there. But I suspect it's just a matter of time ....

TheHuntSyndicate - very 👍

Same thought occured to me.

They sit in a cafe listening to their kid yelling its head off for the hell of it, and one day, they will be wondering why their little darling has turned into a feral yob.

@JohnTheRevelator I was beyond upset
Sitting holding him and hearing nothing but them laughing and yelling was awful
Then to walk out with an empty carrier to them running about doing the same, I just lost it

Can't really remember what I said but it did involve telling them to shut the fuck up and bursting into tears again

Wasn't my finest moment to swear at children but as the vet said when she phoned me "they were as quiet as anything after that"

As a rule of thumb I've always made sure my children don't have the loudest voices anywhere.

It's SQUEALING I can't bear. Bloody yummy mummy just looking proud that their little darling has a pair of lungs.

Before 2020 we rarely had to tell the girls in our youth group to stop screaming. Now we have to tell them to stop several times most sessions because they're reverberating our ear drums. It's a fucking awful racket, and it hurts. It just seems to be normal to them. It didn't used to be, and it wasn't something that the leaders grew up with as normal behaviour from their 70s-00s childhoods. We also have to pause and calm them down much more in the quiet sections of the evening. They used to cope better with the expectations of quiet, sensible time at certain routine parts of the session.

It's probably lax parenting and shrill youtubers shifting the balance of accepted behaviour.

Completely agree. I have ND children and they can learn quite well to regulate their behaviour. Yes, they might need reminding occasionally. Yes, it might mean less relaxing and being more alert to redirecting them and actively managing things. ND does not mean unable to learn or have that energy directed in other ways that don't disturb others.

I agree with this, we need to start doing it more

I wish my neighbours were as thoughtful as you regarding shrieking kids - they don’t give a fuck!