Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

It's my 30th birthday next week and I'm feeling abit down about it

34 replies

2silverheartsin1 · 25/07/2024 22:32

This is going to be abit of a rant really as I'm just feeling abit deflated about my 30th birthday next week. Some reasons why:

  • I've just spent an hour or more scrolling through and making a list of ideas for my DH, as he asked me what I wanted for my birthday and he didn't know what to get me... more than likely he can't be bothered to look. He has been working 13 on 1 off since the beginning of June, so I get that he hasn't really had time to think of things he could get me. But a few years ago when it was his birthday I made the effort with months of planning and I got him 30 presents. It's not that I'm asking for much but I just wish I didn't have to actually pick out my own gifts.
  • I didn't actually have anything planned to do on my actual birthday until a few weeks ago when my mum suggested she would come stay at ours and have DS while me and DH stayed away for the night.
  • I'm absolutely looking forward to this night away more than anything, the last time we had a full night away was Feb 2022 when DS was 7 months old. I'm really wanting to just have some nice food within the hotel, have a few drinks and get a good sleep with an actual lie in! Where I don't have to worry about "doing anything" with DH.. but even mother nature has put her oar in as I've just come off my period, when I shouldn't have actually been on until next week 🤦🏼‍♀️😂
  • my dad passed away march 2022 and I'm feeling down about not being able to see him on or around such a big milestone birthday 🥺 💔
  • tbh I should be used to the disappointment when it comes to my birthdays by now as it's never gone how I've expected it to since I was young. Majority of the time it being because no one has wanted to bother etc... and it wont be any different this year. 😒
OP posts:
Blisterly · 25/07/2024 22:43

I don’t understand the period thing. Did you want to be on your period?

BeaRF75 · 25/07/2024 22:53

I think ask yourself why your 30th birthday is such a big deal? You're an adult and it's just one day. I guarantee that in 20 or 30 years time you won't even remember whether or not you did anything, got a present etc.

It's a birthday with a zero...big deal. It's not more or less important than 29 or 31. I'll be 60 next year, and I'll be ignoring that.... in fact, probably spending the day on my own so that the whole birthday thing doesn't even get a mention.
Don't give in to pressure from family, friends or social media to make a fuss, if you don't want to. If you lower your expectations you can just have a nice, normal day.

Applestrudel71 · 26/07/2024 06:39

I wonder whether in your mind there is the expectation for your birthday to be organised by someone else? Is this common in your family? In ours the person themselves talks about what they would really want, and then everyone helps them sort it… I.e big party with friends or big day out-the main idea comes from the main person initially.

Is this the reason why you feel previous birthdays have been disappointments? My advice, take the reins, have a think about what you would really like to do. Honestly it’s to much easier! Then DH will need to do the same for his birthday

if it’s the hotel, great, find something nice, get DH to pay! Win win.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Events & celebrations
Original poster
2silverheartsin1 · 26/07/2024 07:38

Blisterly · 25/07/2024 22:43

I don’t understand the period thing. Did you want to be on your period?

I didn't particularly want to be on my period no... but would have been my excuse to not need to do anything with DH 🙈😂

OP posts:
AppleKatie · 26/07/2024 07:41

That’s really worrying OP. He sounds horrible, is that the real issue here?

Original poster
2silverheartsin1 · 26/07/2024 07:45

Applestrudel71 · 26/07/2024 06:39

I wonder whether in your mind there is the expectation for your birthday to be organised by someone else? Is this common in your family? In ours the person themselves talks about what they would really want, and then everyone helps them sort it… I.e big party with friends or big day out-the main idea comes from the main person initially.

Is this the reason why you feel previous birthdays have been disappointments? My advice, take the reins, have a think about what you would really like to do. Honestly it’s to much easier! Then DH will need to do the same for his birthday

if it’s the hotel, great, find something nice, get DH to pay! Win win.

It was more of the fact I feel like no one bothers like I do with their birthday. And by being disappointed from when young I meant by organised birthday parties no one coming, in the end when I turned 18 I just kind of decided to go out drinking and if people came, they came, if they didn't, they didn't 🤷🏼‍♀️

OP posts:
Original poster
2silverheartsin1 · 26/07/2024 07:46

AppleKatie · 26/07/2024 07:41

That’s really worrying OP. He sounds horrible, is that the real issue here?

He isn't horrible one bit... but he would see it as a perfect opportunity to do something, with it being our first night away just us 2, in over 2.5 years.

OP posts:
Nannyfannybanny · 26/07/2024 07:48

You actually only have one birthday, your actual birthday. Since when is 30 a big milestone. Thirty presents!! I think it's a lovely idea, away for a night. Cannot understand why someone thinks your DH is awful when he works such long hours.

berksandbeyond · 26/07/2024 07:50

2silverheartsin1 · 26/07/2024 07:46

He isn't horrible one bit... but he would see it as a perfect opportunity to do something, with it being our first night away just us 2, in over 2.5 years.

Show quote history

But why are you so keen to not have sex with the person you’ve chosen to spend your life with? That’s the bit I don’t get

Original poster
2silverheartsin1 · 26/07/2024 07:54

Nannyfannybanny · 26/07/2024 07:48

You actually only have one birthday, your actual birthday. Since when is 30 a big milestone. Thirty presents!! I think it's a lovely idea, away for a night. Cannot understand why someone thinks your DH is awful when he works such long hours.

I wasn't and am not actually wanting or asking for 30 presents. I was just saying how I had made that effort for my DH when he turned 30.. but now I'm not getting that effort back kind of thing, with me having to pick things and him not taking it upon himself to choose for me.
And yes he works very long hours, 10 hours a day.. 13 on and 1 off lately.

OP posts:
PurpleDiva22 · 26/07/2024 07:54

Where I don't have to worry about "doing anything" with DH..

First of all I genuinely thought you meant some outdoor activities, not sex.
Secondly, this is a really concerning comment to make. Why can't you just say no? End of! And why don't you want to have sex with your DH?

The rest of your post is petty things in my op
inion. The amount of times people post on here disappointed with their birthdays because they let someone else organise it instead of being direct or taking control. It is far better to choose things you want to do and know you will be happy. Surprises can be nice but only when done well.

Original poster
2silverheartsin1 · 26/07/2024 07:56

berksandbeyond · 26/07/2024 07:50

But why are you so keen to not have sex with the person you’ve chosen to spend your life with? That’s the bit I don’t get

Show quote history

Because it isn't very often we get a chance to have a night of just us.. where we can actually just relax and have a nice meal and good conversation and actually get excited about our future ahead (we should be moving to a new house in a couple of months).

OP posts:
Enough4me · 26/07/2024 07:58

Maybe this is more about your feelings than a day or gifts?

Your baby won't be at the stage to get excited with you as a person yet and you will be sorting a lot of baby-drudgery through the day. Your DH is busy at work. You are grieving your dad. You have reasons to feel low, so feel it and know things will get easier with time x

berksandbeyond · 26/07/2024 08:00

2silverheartsin1 · 26/07/2024 07:56

Because it isn't very often we get a chance to have a night of just us.. where we can actually just relax and have a nice meal and good conversation and actually get excited about our future ahead (we should be moving to a new house in a couple of months).

Show quote history

And again, not sure how having sex is going to spoil a relaxing night, nice meal and conversation, planning your future etc. Think you should probably worry more about the future of the relationship if that’s your attitude to intimacy!

SuziQuinto · 26/07/2024 08:05

This is about more than the birthday, isn't it? It's about dissatisfaction with your life. Can you talk to your husband about this? Is it his working pattern?
As pp have said, it's just a birthday and they're rarely as fun as when we were children!.

SallyWD · 26/07/2024 08:21

2silverheartsin1 · 26/07/2024 07:56

Because it isn't very often we get a chance to have a night of just us.. where we can actually just relax and have a nice meal and good conversation and actually get excited about our future ahead (we should be moving to a new house in a couple of months).

Show quote history

Can't you do all that anyway. Maybe it's just us but sex really doesn't take that long!!

SuziQuinto · 26/07/2024 08:21

@SallyWD 😂

Perfect28 · 26/07/2024 08:25

I get the sex thing. In his head the night will be about going away to have sex, for her it's about intimacy, relaxing and sleep!!

Why don't you suggest to your mum that the two of you go away together instead whilst dh looks after your child?

PurpleDiva22 · 26/07/2024 08:28

Perfect28 · 26/07/2024 08:25

I get the sex thing. In his head the night will be about going away to have sex, for her it's about intimacy, relaxing and sleep!!

Why don't you suggest to your mum that the two of you go away together instead whilst dh looks after your child?

Or try discussing her wants and needs with her husband?

DreadPirateRobots · 26/07/2024 08:29

Why can't you have a relaxing time and a nice chat together AND have sex?!

Honestly, it sounds like you do the tiresome martyr thing where you do things other people didn't even ask for or want and then sulk when nobody reciprocates. Thirty presents is just ludicrous, far more than one person can even process, much less appreciate. You're getting a night away. And your H is working seventy hours a week, presumably to support you and DC. A night away and a present is a perfectly good celebration for a milestone birthday for an adult. If you want a specific present on top of the time away, tell him so. But also, why is he working so much? Why do you have such a negative view of having sex with him? The problems in your relationship seem likely to go beyond being underwhelmed by your birthday soon.

Singleandproud · 26/07/2024 08:32

Personally I see birthdays as something to spend with your parents, they and you are the only ones that care about it really.

I always buy myself some things that I want that I wouldn't normally buy myself, maybe get theatre tickets to something I want to see, invite the people I want to spend time with. It's my day to do what I want.

If what you actually wanted was a break then why not say so. It doesn't have to be expensive, book a Premier Inn somewhere, maybe see a show or go to galleries or just mooch around the shops on your own whatever you are into. Buy some lovely snacks you don't have to share and enjoy an evening with a book or TV or just sleeping.

PelicanPopcorn · 26/07/2024 08:36

DreadPirateRobots · 26/07/2024 08:29

Why can't you have a relaxing time and a nice chat together AND have sex?!

Honestly, it sounds like you do the tiresome martyr thing where you do things other people didn't even ask for or want and then sulk when nobody reciprocates. Thirty presents is just ludicrous, far more than one person can even process, much less appreciate. You're getting a night away. And your H is working seventy hours a week, presumably to support you and DC. A night away and a present is a perfectly good celebration for a milestone birthday for an adult. If you want a specific present on top of the time away, tell him so. But also, why is he working so much? Why do you have such a negative view of having sex with him? The problems in your relationship seem likely to go beyond being underwhelmed by your birthday soon.

Wow lot of MN pressure to have sex going on? Sounds like OP is exhausted and just wants a break on her birthday. Feeling tired is not really what makes you feel super sexy!

bookishblondie · 26/07/2024 08:37

Ah I kind of understand you - we've got two kids under four and haven't had a night away for a long time. Is there anybody who can babysit for you so you and your husband can go away?

Last time my husband and I had a night away we just went for strolls, had a lie in, ate junk food and took long baths, it was bloody great

In terms of being 30 I don't really think it's that big of a deal but I understand some people like to go the extra mile on milestone birthdays. I just wanted to go book shopping for my 30th birthday and then have a nice lunch with my husband, even though I planned it I had a great day with just him and no kids shouting at me for a snack every 5 minutes

bookishblondie · 26/07/2024 08:40

bookishblondie · 26/07/2024 08:37

Ah I kind of understand you - we've got two kids under four and haven't had a night away for a long time. Is there anybody who can babysit for you so you and your husband can go away?

Last time my husband and I had a night away we just went for strolls, had a lie in, ate junk food and took long baths, it was bloody great

In terms of being 30 I don't really think it's that big of a deal but I understand some people like to go the extra mile on milestone birthdays. I just wanted to go book shopping for my 30th birthday and then have a nice lunch with my husband, even though I planned it I had a great day with just him and no kids shouting at me for a snack every 5 minutes

Apologies just re-read your post & realised your mums offered to babysit

DreadPirateRobots · 26/07/2024 08:41

If OP doesn't want to have sex, she doesn't have to, but it's not a particularly good sign for the relationship that she's upset that she won't have an excuse to get out of it instead of having an honest conversation about how the two of them maintain their sexual connection during the tiny-kid years.