It's my 30th birthday next week and I'm feeling abit down about it

[2silverheartsin1]

This is going to be abit of a rant really as I'm just feeling abit deflated about my 30th birthday next week. Some reasons why:

• I've just spent an hour or more scrolling through and making a list of ideas for my DH, as he asked me what I wanted for my birthday and he didn't know what to get me... more than likely he can't be bothered to look. He has been working 13 on 1 off since the beginning of June, so I get that he hasn't really had time to think of things he could get me. But a few years ago when it was his birthday I made the effort with months of planning and I got him 30 presents. It's not that I'm asking for much but I just wish I didn't have to actually pick out my own gifts.
• I didn't actually have anything planned to do on my actual birthday until a few weeks ago when my mum suggested she would come stay at ours and have DS while me and DH stayed away for the night.
• I'm absolutely looking forward to this night away more than anything, the last time we had a full night away was Feb 2022 when DS was 7 months old. I'm really wanting to just have some nice food within the hotel, have a few drinks and get a good sleep with an actual lie in! Where I don't have to worry about "doing anything" with DH.. but even mother nature has put her oar in as I've just come off my period, when I shouldn't have actually been on until next week 🤦🏼‍♀️😂
• my dad passed away march 2022 and I'm feeling down about not being able to see him on or around such a big milestone birthday 🥺 💔
• tbh I should be used to the disappointment when it comes to my birthdays by now as it's never gone how I've expected it to since I was young. Majority of the time it being because no one has wanted to bother etc... and it wont be any different this year. 😒

Your DH does not sound awful at all. He's had what, 3 or 4? days off in nearly two months.

Your expectations for birthdays are well outside the norm. What you want to do for others is overwhelming and quite extreme even if meant with nice intent and it also means that you'll be disappointed for yourself every time.

There's a lot of navel gazing in your OP and it might be a good time to review your expectations because if you've been disappointed all your life, perhaps something needs to change.

And yes, sex with your DH shouldn't be so distasteful that you actively avoid it on a night away - sounds like the marriage needs some work on intimacy. You're young, you should be able to enjoy it!

A lot of people are (deliberately?) misreading about the DH being awful - it’s not because he works, it’s because OP seems to need an elaborate excuse to not have sex with him and it discouraged from going for a night away because of this!

@ButtSurgery you realise people choose to work this much? Not a great choice is it when you also have a relationship and a child.

For God sake. In the midst of a cost of living crisis, with a child and wife to support, ever-increasing bills to pay and you are saying he's choosing to work?

Thees obviously some sort of story here which OP is going to drip feed.

I don't understand the big deal about supposed milestone birthdays? I think you sound very over the top with your expectations for birthdays, OP, and just because you choose to take an extreme approach, such as buying 30 presents, doesn't mean that the vast majority of people would do something similar. Your poor husband has been working extremely long hours and thinking of what to buy for your birthday (and finding the time to get it) probably isn't a top priority for him.

With my DHs work it's something that they all do once or twice a year, it's not because I am not working myself, I might only be able to work PT but I do work. Aswell as doing everything at home that my DH is not able to with him working all these hours. Which I obviously don't expect him to.
Regarding the sex thing it's not like we don't do it at home in normal day to day life, albeit abit less at the moment with all the hours he's working etc, I just meant by not being on my period (when I was supposed to be) as abit of a joke, as though mother nature has done the dirty on me 🙈

I think I understand a bit about the sex thing... For my 40th birthday my husband and I had a night away in a hotel and I actually was on my period but still felt like I needed to be ok with having sex as it was a good opportunity without worrying about whether our child would wake up/ wander in! I almost felt like my husband would see the night away as a waste if we didn't have sex.... As a result I kind of made myself be ok with it and didn't have a great time, it was actually quite uncomfortable (I've had issues with pain previously too but that's a long story!) I think it really set us back actually, it's a year later and I'm only now feeling more comfortable with sex again. I wish I'd had an honest conversation and risked upsetting him a bit by saying I didn't want to, rather than going ahead. It's ok to say you want cuddles and chats and sleep!

Don't be sad, it's the best decade. Still young, but not poor. Enjoy!