"I'm bored" - 7 YO driving me mad

[Clitheroo]

My 8YO DS complains he is bored from morning till night - CONSTANTLY asking me "what can I do next?". It's driving me round the twist. We have a big garden with slide, swing, sandpit, treehouse and a house chock full of toys, books and art materials. I'm sure when I was a kid my mum just expected me to get on with it in the holidays and didn't spend all her time scheduling in activities for me to do. Whatever I suggest he doesn't want to do it anyway.

I'm heavily pregnant right now and very unwell with it so the amount of stuff I can do with him is limited because I really can't manage to get out much and my energy levels are on the floor. And he doesn't have many friends to play with because he is ND and struggles socially - those he does have are away. I've booked him into a few holiday clubs but they don't start til August.

I've tried giving him chores today whenever he moans he is bored and he just follows me around complaining - I am so close to totally losing my rag with him. Any tips?

If he's home educated can you stick to doing some of the things you normally do at home and then maybe just "free time" when your classes and groups aren't on?

Doesn't he have any friends, or are there any neighbours kids to invite over? It is rough being an 'only' especially if he is used to being entertained and doesn't know how to potter at home and entertain himself a bit.He does need other kids to play with though OP.

As I've already said, yes he does but with ASD he finds socialising difficult and the friends he has got are away at the moment.

Unlike with most children, I cannot even fall back on screen time because he will not engage with a screen for longer than 30 minutes.

Nightmare 😲. Most of us would be screwed without screens if we are being honest!

You are not well enough to entertain him so you might have to throw money at the problem and hire a babysitter for a few hours a day to do things with him.

I think this is a good idea, even if it is a 13 year old who "minds" him in the house while you are there in the background. My friend's daughter is doing something like this with a neighbour's very relentless toddler. It kills two stones and the 13 year old makes a bit of money and can then take herself off with her friends for a while.

If you’re tired and unwell, set aside a few hrs in the afternoon or early evening for ‘movie night’. You can do it every day with a bit of research for a movie list, and make it something nice for you and him (and you can dose as you keep him company).

id also be inclined to teach him that his boredom is his responsibility. Nudge him towards ‘projects’ he can do himself like build a den in garden with bits of timber lying around if you have it etc.

Oh, just read about screen time😭

I would love nothing more than to slob around watching films with him but unfortunately they don't hold his attention! He's not a screen fan. Doesn't even enjoy gaming unlike every other boy his age. He wants highly structured pre planned activities every hour of the day which I simply cannot give him - it's unrealistic.

He wants highly structured pre planned activities every hour of the day which I simply cannot give him - it's unrealistic.
If it's this bad and you're too unwell to provide it then realistically you need some childcare over the summer holidays. There's been loads of student teachers / nurses / nannies etc with relevant training, 1st aid and police checks advertising on our local facebook groups in search of work.

We can't afford it tbh, the holiday clubs will clear us out as it is - I don't get maternity pay.

I'm not sure how the ND plays into this, but I've got to admit that if my child did this, I would hand them a toothbrush and some rubber gloves and send them up to clean the grout in our shower room (which needs a damn good scrubbing).

If he says "I'm bored", I'd be tempted to respond "well in that case you might as well do chores as you may still be bored, but at least you'll be bored and useful".

Mine actually enjoys hoovering and scrubbing skirting boards when they get stuck into it. And pulling weeds out of the garden.

Maybe after a couple of days of chores, you could sit down with him and choose a few new toys/games to order online for the holidays as a "reward" for being helpful.

My mother used to respond to "I'm bored" with "Tidy your room then". When we were older, she'd send us round to help our neighbour (he was a builder and always seemed to have a stack of bricks he wanted moved from one place to another. Looking back, I'm sure they were in league together and it was always the same bricks!

I should get a pile of bricks, I think he would genuinely enjoy that 😅

Sounds like he needs company. Can he invite a friend round? Two 7 year olds wouldn't be bored together.

My mother definitely gave me short shrift if I said I was bored. And I was an only (who was also ND although typically undiagnosed at the time) and we lived in the middle of nowhere. I used to have very deep imaginary games but DS doesn't have that sort of imagination.

Weeding the garden
Hanging the laundry up and taking down the dry stuff for folding
Emptying the dishwasher and putting things away in the right place
Cataloguing and arranging in alphabetical order any bookcases
Emptying, scrubbing and rearranging the kitchen cupboards
Hoovering each morning
Doing the cooking with you
Mopping the kitchen floor
Shredding. We have piles of stuff that needs to be shredded in this house.

I don't know how many times I can say it but he hasn't got friends around for the next couple of weeks, they are away. He doesn't find socialising as easy as NT kids do and finds it difficult having other children of his own age in his space, especially as the games boys his age like to play tend to be either of the electronic variety or very loud and physical games, neither of which he enjoys.

What "projects" do you personally have that you want to get done before the baby comes? Maybe he can help with those.

The other thing you could do is get him a camera and send him out into the garden to photograph bugs.

Believe me I have tried the chores angle and got nowhere. Being ND means our conversations on this tend to be incredibly circular.

He needs a phenomenal amount of 1:1 intellectual stimulation which is one reason among others we removed him from school (he was bored to death as well as not coping socially). We manage in term time but struggle out of it because our days don't (can't) have the same structure. And me having a ridiculously awful pregnancy has not helped.

What happens if you tell him to go away?

Something like "Look Toby, I have things to do and I'm afraid I can't spend all day entertaining you. Either you can help me with what I'm doing, you can find something else to do or you can go and sit quietly in your room. You may still be bored then but at least you won't be driving me crazy".

I think I say a variation of this to him about 1000 times a day and he just sits there and carries on 😅

Doesn't help that I can barely move at the moment so I can't walk away myself!

Is he at all competitive? Eg would he race you to see who can hang out their laundry pile quickest?

What was the objection to the timetable idea or the lolly stick idea?

My youngest entertains himself well, my eldest struggles. I've made her a bored box. It's a cereal box full of activities written onto slips of paper. If she's bored she has to pick two slips out, like a tombola, and pick between the two.

I wouldn't have dared said to my mum that I was bored, otherwise I'd get given a list of chores to do 🤣

What do you mean "carries on"?

I would put headphones in and ignore him at this point.

The reality is that he's going to have a new baby sibling soon. You're going to be shouting "Go away!" at him fairly constantly at this rate and, since your patience will be frayed with the baby, the kid gloves will definitely be off. So you may as well start as you mean to go on 😂!

How do you discipline him? If he doesn't stop bothering you after being told repeatedly to, what is the consequence?

Didn't spot that you'd tried that!