"I'm bored" - 7 YO driving me mad

[Clitheroo]

My 8YO DS complains he is bored from morning till night - CONSTANTLY asking me "what can I do next?". It's driving me round the twist. We have a big garden with slide, swing, sandpit, treehouse and a house chock full of toys, books and art materials. I'm sure when I was a kid my mum just expected me to get on with it in the holidays and didn't spend all her time scheduling in activities for me to do. Whatever I suggest he doesn't want to do it anyway.

I'm heavily pregnant right now and very unwell with it so the amount of stuff I can do with him is limited because I really can't manage to get out much and my energy levels are on the floor. And he doesn't have many friends to play with because he is ND and struggles socially - those he does have are away. I've booked him into a few holiday clubs but they don't start til August.

I've tried giving him chores today whenever he moans he is bored and he just follows me around complaining - I am so close to totally losing my rag with him. Any tips?

Cut him some slack OP. He has just lost his usual routine of school, is by himself and has to plan his day after months of someone else doing it for him. Don’t know much about ND but lots of NT kids would be the same. Does he not even want to go to the park and run off some steam? Home and chores does sound a bit boring.

If he's ND he might need some structure.
I think you do need to help him with this because he obviously can't amuse himself.
Either draw up a daily chart - with a suggestion for an hour or so. You could do this together each morning as you have breakfast so it's not a chore and he gets to make choices but in a guided way.
Or have in mind a couple of ideas at any given and let him choose.
Sorry you're feeling unwell - roll on August!

He goes to the park, DH takes him out there daily. And our garden is huge with a stream at the bottom of it.

He doesn't go to school, he's home educated, but none of our usual groups and classes run over the summer.

I'm always doing this but whatever I suggest he doesn't want to do. This is the problem.

Try making him a timetable.
9 - 10 Lego
10 - 10.30 read with a drink and biscuit
10.30 play in garden
Etc.
Or....
Have you ever said "You know what? I'm bored too. Lets think together what we can do".
He might come up with something completely unexpected.

Have you asked him what he wants to do? Does he have any suggestions?

@Clitheroo ok just seen your follow up about how he is homeschooled.
The HS groups might have stopped but museums, libraries, local attractions always have summer activities that are either free or cheap.
Have a look at what's on in your area.

Many a time. I get "I don't know, I'm not good at thinking of what to do"

Cue me making multiple suggestions, none of which he wants to do.

Unlike with most children, I cannot even fall back on screen time because he will not engage with a screen for longer than 30 minutes.

Does he have an oppositional form of autism?

I cannot do any of these things at the moment, I barely have the energy or the physical ability to go up and down the stairs thanks to severe SPD and severe anaemia.

No, he has ASD but generally he's a fairly compliant child.

@Clitheroo are you in contact with other homeschool families? If you go to regular groups you must know some. Can you see if any will take him to play for a few hours.

He is obviously struggling, poor boy.

Does he like animals? Could you get him into something like horse riding lessons, that might give him some structure over the holidays.

Added to which he can't really cope with museums etc in school holidays as they're full of other kids and too busy for him.

You are not well enough to entertain him so you might have to throw money at the problem and hire a babysitter for a few hours a day to do things with him.

Loads, but as I said he struggles socially so there are only a few friends he's happy to see and they are all away at the minute. Many home educated children are extremely boisterous and noisy and he can't really deal with that sort of kid. He's always related better to adults.

Does he like arts and crafts? Or building model sets?

Yes we have loads of that sort of thing.

I guess the ND must play a huge role here, because from an 8 yo, I simply wouldn't tolerate this. I'm not sure what I said the first and only time my dc said they were bored, if they ever did, can't remember, because I think my response to them expecting me to be some kind of entertainment for them would have received short shrift.

When my DC were that age, I used to build them something like a house & garage for DS toy cars from lego or building bricks.... he usually had a lot of input. I knocked things down by mistake or couldn't do something. Usually DC would then take over and continue to play with the new build by themselves.

Is that a possibility for you to keep him entertained for a little while?
Sometimes they need a bit of input to get them started.

It's nearly August and he may enjoy the children's clubs.

Is there no relative or friend who would take him out for a bit here and they, maybe with their child or children? Or perhaps his dad could take a couple of days off and do that, they like going out with dad. Do ask!

I'm sorry you are not feeling well which obviously adds to thts but you can't help it. Things will get better.

He has two sets of grandparents but neither live nearby and all still work too.

I do give him input, to clarify. I don't just ignore him.

What about setting him some challenges that if he completes he can have a couple chocolate buttons or something? Things like build an amazing vehicle out of lego, make a scary animal out of card board, paint a picture of your family, make a den out of sheets and cushions, do 10 laps of the garden in an obstacle course style going over the slide etc. You could write lots of ideas on bits of paper and put them in a jar and make a big, exciting thing out of it.

I will try this!!!

Would the lolly stick idea work. Get some wooden lolly sticks ( or actually you could just get some pieces of paper) Write an activity on each one. So could be Lego, a craft, play in garden, write a story/song/poem, go outside and practice trying to do cartwheels, read, draw, watch CBBC, do Minecraft etc. You could include some chores in there too and think of some silly things maybe too if those would appeal to him. He might be able to come up with some ideas for himself!

Put them in a jar/box

Explain to him that you understand how he is feeling and that it is difficult for him to know what to do. Also explain to him how you are feeling, that it won't always be like this, but for now there are limits on what you can do right now.

So, for now the rule is, every time he says he is bored, he has to pick a paper/lolly stick from the jar and set a timer and go and do that thing for 30 minutes ( or maybe 20 mins if that works better for his attention span. He has to do the first thing he picks unless it is totally impractical at that moment ( eg go in garden when it is pouring with rain). At the end of the time he gets to come and show/tell you what he has been doing.

At the end of the day put all the "used" sticks/papers back in the jar for the next day.

He will either then have a varied set of things to do each day or he will decide he isn't bored and go and do things he prefers anyway!