What are you doing with your 11-14 year olds these holidays?

[westcountrywoman]

What a tricky age. They don't want to do anything (well not cheap / free stuff) anymore. A couple of years ago they'd be happy with a couple of hours at the beach / park with an ice cream or a few hours swimming, but not anymore.
I don't want them spending 6 weeks on devices and we can't afford paid days out everyday. We live in the sticks with no public transport so spontaneous meet ups with friends don't happen and they don't like pre-arranged 'play dates' at this age (which I understand).
All ideas welcome!

we are in the sticks and mine slightly younger buy they have friends around and they muck about playing football and I cook with them or go for a drive etc

Mine are 10 and 12 - agree it's tricky. I'm doing 2 x paid activities per week (put money aside over the year) so this week they will do clip and climb one day and we will go to the cinema on another. They are going to a grandma once per week - she usually takes them for lunch and a walk or something. Arranged a couple of sleepovers for them here with friends. Rest of the time is bumming about at home, going for the odd bike ride, more screens than I would like. We have a holiday for 1 week abroad.

I grew up in the middle of nowhere (West Country too!) and really don’t know what i would have done without my friend down the road! My mum was resentful but parents really do have to ferry their kids around. Age 11-14 my life was:

• being taken shopping either by my mum with a friend or with a friend taken by my friend’s parent
• bike ride with friends
• hang at friend’s house (walk but pretty treacherous roads tbh!)
• gaming
• have friend over - I had sleepovers basically every weekend

If I was living in the middle of nowhere as a parent I would try and have an open house as much as poss so the kids could have their friends round and I wouldn’t have to drive them all over the place. Realistically it wouldn’t get out of hand as everyone is relying on their parents to get them to the house, so you wouldn’t be overrun.

It’s hard! Sympathies!

Yes, we used to do this even up until last summer. But nope, not cool this year apparently! Friends don't pre arrange meeting up, they just all call for each other (but obviously not at ours because nobody can get to or from without arranging a lift).

DS (14) is tricky as he does have a nice group of mates but they're all a bit rubbish at organising things and he's a bit old for me to organise things via the mums (who I don't really know anyway). So we've got a holiday planned and a short break but I've booked him into a couple of clubs too, he's fine with that this year but I'd imagine that it's the last year he'll be very into doing clubs.

Mine is 12 (Ds) and we tend to do a mixture of country walks / popping into town for a coffee and cake or something and little trips to garden centres / b and m type places as he always tends to find a treat or snack there and enjoys browsing. He spends a lot of time chatting online with school friends on Xbox and seems happy to amuse himself a lot, but I do try to make sure we get out once a day for a walk somewhere. It’s a difficult age really… I miss the zoo trips, beach trips etc. He gets bored so quickly now!

I struggle. 11 & 13 and the 13yo is autistic with minimal social interest. The one friend he communicates with outside school moved away long distance so gaming online is his only social time. He doesn't like busy places and doesn't like birds. This is very limiting!

We tend to book our holiday across the middle of the holidays to break it into more managable chunks which helps a lot psychologically.

The 11yo is more motivated by things like running and cycling. His social life has got a bit more momentum through y6 so hopefully there may be a bit of spontaneous going down the park. His secondary friends will be more scattered around town than his primary friends.

Have you tried asking therm - maybe telling them a weekly budget? Mine is 11 and he enjoys having input into the plans.

We sit down and discuss some things he'd like to do over the summer, and then together look up how much things cost 'oh Thorpe Park, yes that would be amazing but look it costs £40 each - that's £120 for both of us and your sibling' 'we could go to the cinema next week, either we could go to a cheap kids showing and buy some popcorn there or we could go to a new release and grab some snacks from home' 'you'd like to eat at x restaurant? Ok, that'll have to be our main activity for the week though so how will you entertain yourself for the rest of the time - no, you know iPads are limited to 2hrs per day'. A bit twee maybe but it works.

Are they techie, musical, artistic, sporty?

They have 6 glorious weeks they can push on with a passion they already have.

Today we've gone to the Uniform shop. Living the high life here! (Its 20 miles away, so feels like an expedition!😂)

Mine still like the beach and picnics!

They’re home ed so still things happening in that world over the summer. 12yo likes swimming with the 9yo too. And is doing forest school one day a week.

14 yo has arranged to see friends a bit but otherwise hanging out with the dogs and going for walks. Booked on a first aid course next week.

Even my 17 yo will want to come if we go to the zoo 😂

Whoop whoop!

DS is just 15 and an only child who doesn’t go to the local school 🙈. He does have a few localish friends but not ones that he can just meet up with in the park. He’s got into golf with a friend from school and the golf course is in the middle of where they both live so he’s already gone 3 times since breaking up on Tuesday. He also has a job doing catering for events with a local lady and parties so he’s working at a funeral today. We went Paddleboarding on Friday evening with friends when the weather was nice too. I’m off this week so we’re having lunch with my mum, sister and his cousins one day, going to the BMX track another and he has a golf lesson booked. After that I think it’ll be ferrying him to golf around work 🙈 and evening Paddleboarding if the weather is good. He still has cadets twice a week as well. Oh and at the end of the summer, we’re going to London to the F1 exhibition.

DS2 is 13 and would spend all day every day on computer playing with friends online (real friends from school, not randoms!).

He would go fossil hunting everyday if we were able to take him!! so will do a day here and there at the local places.

We have a week away with Scouts so he has a lot of friends going to that with us.

I dont have a lot of time off over the summer. Have booked a few days right at the end where we may go away for a bit if we can afford it.

Mine are still happy to hang out, picnics, dog walks, beach trips. 16yo has a weekend job, so that’s helping but dtds are a few weeks off being 13 and thankfully entertain themselves a lot. We’re away for 1 week, have family visiting a second then dc all going to grandparents for a week, then home for 3 more weeks - one trip to London but the rest they’ll be hanging out as I’m working. I’ll set them challenges like baking/cooking dinner, ask them to pop to a shop for basics etc.

I have an 11yo and a 14yo. As you say, it's a challenge! We're not out in the sticks but I don't have much time off work and exH is as about as useful as a chocolate teapot.

This is our summer schedule:

Week 1: 11yo at a summer school run by the new high school she's attending from September. 14yo was supposed to be at a football camp but he's got COVID, so is in his room on his laptop and eating his way through the fridge instead.

Week 2: family holiday.

Week 3: 14yo at a residential football camp. 11yo will be coming with me to drop him off/pick him up, then has a riding camp on two other days.

Week 4: both off to stay with my parents and be spoiled for a week.

Week 5: 11yo riding camp x 2 days. 14yo entertaining himself. BH weekend in the West Country.

Week 6: 14yo at football camp x 4 days. 11yo at riding camp x 2 days.

I've signed 14yo up for a summer membership at the local gym. A few of his mates are also signed up, so I'm sure they'll head over a few times a week. £30 for 6 weeks unlimited gym, swim and classes - absolute bargain!

I'm having this dilemma with my ds (age 12). My older children are girls and they tend to meet friends/have part time jobs. They are close in age so also hang out together. Ds wouldn't want to hang out with them and they wouldn't ask him either.

He is at a new school and has made a couple of good friends but they aren't very local but he does meet up with them once or twice a week (cinema/trampolining etc ). He also does a sport one evening per week but otherwise isn't very sporty

He LOVES gaming and would happily do it all day, every day. I obviously am less keen!

I have just dragged him out for errands/jobs/dog waks. His dad also drags him out to his job (dh is self employed carpenter/builder) so some days he can tag along and do some apprentice jobs :-)

It's tricky though!

I have three, 16,13 and 6. It’s hard pleasing them all. Middle one is the worst for screens. The oldest happily comes to the beach and will skim stones etc and play with his brother. I think mid teen is the most difficult age and honestly I allow devices for 13 and 14 yr olds more than any other age group.

We are on week three of holidays here and have been to a castle, the river, fish and chips in the park, icecream at the loch, plus the beach. We will also swim, go to the cinema and do more beach trips. Also in middle of nowhere but we have lots of animals that mine will all play with and we have a trampoline plus bikes the younger two enjoy.

Mine are 12 and 16 and both have a few summer camps booked - all related to existing extracurriculars like dance, music, Scouts, so they'll be seeing friends there. We have some one off workshops at various places for activities like robotics, art and sports, some run by councils and some run by big institutions (we're in London so lots of options here). Then we have 2 weeks family holiday and eldest is doing a week long language trip. Well do some family trips out to paid activities like theme parks, Go Ape etc.

We have a weeks holiday, a week at Guides camp, and a week at an activity workshop. DD is 12 and autistic so she needs a lot of downtime so I’m not sure I’ll push too hard on the 3 weeks she doesn’t have much planned - she’ll mix up gaming with drawing and writing I think, and I’ll make sure she gets out everyday, but that’s about it.

Mine are 10 and 13. The 13yo is a real joiner-inner so will try anything and go to any club, but is out of the age range of most of them now. The 10yo prefers not to go to holiday clubs unless they are very specifically something that she likes, and at least one of her friends is also attending.

We are winging it with playdates (obviously can't call them that for the 13yo), some outings to somewhere like a climbing wall or cinema, and some time where they have to fend for themselves and read / cook / practice their instrument / do some art / tidy their rooms etc. I miss the day trips to a castle or a farm park, but they don't really cut it any more 😔

Thorpe park- we have annual passes. Baking, going for a chip walk, cinema, inflatables at the local pool, ice skating, Crafting (we are making some of those scrabble crosswords on frames, paint by number etc), car boot to earn some cash, going away for a few days via bargain flights ✈️

its a tricky age as they’re too old for a lot of stuff and too young for a lot of other stuff like holiday jobs and not old enough to be left alone all day. OH’s DD spent a lot of the first week on her phone, she’s away this week with him (mix of sightseeing, pool time and eating out seems to be keeping them both happy) and she’s got a week away with her mum too. Last week seemed hard as a lot of her friends were away and some of them live miles away so not that easy to meet up with. I’m sure her make up skills will have come on no end by the time she goes back to school if her TikTok usage is anything to go by but she can usually be enticed out for a walk and she’ll bake or help with cooking. She wanted to do a holiday camp but none of her friends would go and she didn’t want to go alone!

I'm finding it really hard with ds2 (13) this year, not helped by the fact that I am in Ireland so much longer holidays. He is freaking out today while DH and I are trying to WFH. He is autistic and only has a couple of friends who are both busy today and he is struggling to find things to do. DS1 (16) has a larger group of friends and can keep himself entertained.
For a number of reasons, we haven't booked a holiday this year either, although I have 2 weeks leave from next week and we have arranged 1 night away and will do a few activities as well. It's a very tricky age and asd makes it more complicated.