What would you do in this situation?

[Spuck]

Feeling incredibly down about the situation with my MIL.

I haven’t actually done anything wrong - all that happened is that I failed to get in touch for 2/3 weeks and when I was about to call her, DP told me not to bother as she didn’t want to speak with me.

It’s now been just over a month since we have spoken/seen eachother. We are officially not on talking terms and I have stayed away from various family occasions that happened over this weekend.

She likes me to stay in regular contact (at least speaking on the phone a couple of times a week and seeing eachother at least once a week). I know this probably doesn’t sound a lot, but I’m just simply not that sort of person. I’m not particularly a ‘close’ person (if that makes any sense). I’m also just tired all the bloody time with young children.

I just don’t really think to call her every couple of days and it doesn’t come naturally to me to keep her close. That doesn’t mean to say I don’t want anything to do with her - it just means i’m busy with the kids and with life and my introverted self will get in touch every other week or so. However this hasn’t gone down well at all and now I have essentially been cut off.

Where to go from here?

Ignore her. She sounds awful.

I would just enjoy the peace and quiet.

I don’t speak to my own mother that much. I would find it exhausting even to think about maintaining that level of contact!

Just call her. Don't grovel or apologise, just go on like it's a normal phone call. That puts the ball in her court.

I would probably write a letter saying I did t mean anything by it and that I’m sorry I had upset her and don’t want to fall out etc etc and leave it up to her. Do not engage in drama otherwise, leave an olive branch and that’s that.
she sounds like she’s looking for a reason to fall out with you

It's controlling. You haven't kept to her desired expectations of you so now she's punishing you. Fuck her. She will need you before you need her. Just enjoy the peace while it lasts.

She sounds hard work, and it’s very unbalanced sounding - everything on her terms. I would phone when you are ready and behave normally, but I wouldn’t go back to being suffocated by her just to keep the peace.

She is 10000000% in the wrong. You have young children FFS - why can't she call you!? It's controlling and narcissistic. Don't play into her trap xx

100% this

Does she not have any friends of her own?

Why isn’t your OH / husband calling her? Or is it ‘wife work’?

She sounds hard work. If she wants to ‘punish’ you because you haven’t called her, let her act as a petulant child.

I couldn’t be bothered with all the drama. Enjoy the peace & quiet!

Gosh I’d be delighted!

keeo your distance and send hubby to visit with the kids

How often does your DH call her?

The problem is she will say that she ‘only wants to see her grandchildren’ (when I say phone call, I mean Facetime) and I don’t really know what to say back to that….. she has every right to see them but often I just cannot face making or answering a facetime call (not just to her - to anyone!). I often look like i’ve been dragged through a bush, I am constantly constantly doing something (feeding, bathing, cleaning, cooking, bed time routine etc etc) and I just hate FT in general in all honesty. It’s all just very awkward now.

Why doesn't she ring you?does her phone not allow outgoing calls?

tell her son to facilitate FaceTimes with the children, that is not your duty.

ive been with dh 29 years and never phoned or FaceTimed his mum, dh phones.
dh has never phoned or FaceTimed my mum, that’s me that does that!

your mil is being unreasonable.

@TwattyMcFuckFace she calls him every morning and then they also speak when he is driving home. I must mention they are from a different cultural background to me and it appears to be the norm that they all call each other and speak multiple times a day. This unfortunately is where our cultures do collide and sadly I just cannot change my ways, but then neither can she. She truly believes I am disrespectful towards her for not keeping her close. To be honest I don’t know if this will ever get resolved.

I'd ignore her. I'd be civil and I wouldn't avoid family events though.

Fwiw dh and I have been together 24 years I have never called MiL for a chat

This.

And what does DP have to say?
When she told him she wasn't talking to you did he not remember he has a pair of balls between his legs and say you've done nothing wrong so why are you treating my DP like that
He needs to sort it and you step back and let him.
I mean who even is she?

If she wanted to talk to you she should’ve called you, why do you have to do the calling? I don’t speak to anyone in my family that often, it’s ridiculous!

If she wants to talk to the kids on FaceTime why doesn’t she call your husband? I don’t see why any of this is your responsibility!

I’d be glad of some peace & quiet from her, she sounds very annoying.

DP told me not to bother as she didn’t want to speak with me.

She sounds bonkers but he sounds worse tbh.

What did he say to her when she said that? Because the only thing he should have said is 'don't be ridiculous, mum."

Ignore her idiotic controlling behaviour, if she wants to 'see' her grandchildren let her son sort it out. And stop avoiding events because of her, just carry on as normal. If anyone mentions her behaviour just say you hadn't noticed but that you're so busy with the kids etc. Also slip into conversation that the children's father has learnt to use a phone independently now and loves practising facetime 😉

Ignore her. Your life will be easier without her.
If she wants to talk to the children,she can call them when your DH has returned home from work ie if the children are around anyway and not doing anything else.

Don't avoid meeting up with larger family groups because of her.

It really is for the best that this happened because your children will get very fed up with it too as they get older.

Controversial but I would continue to make contact and act like nothing happened. Your DH is projecting.

Enjoy the peace!

Go to family stuff if you want to.

She likes me to stay in regular contact (at least speaking on the phone a couple of times a week and seeing eachother at least once a week)

shudder - no bloody way. I don't have that much contact with people I like:live, let alone mil.

it's DH's responsibility to arrange contact between His mother & his children! Not yours. Well in Uk culture anyway

Has she been ignoring you AND the children for four weeks?