Thinking about quitting drinking alcohol

[KiwiJane504]

I am seriously considering quitting alcohol and looking for some advice.

I don't have a drinking problem, I just hate the person I am on alcohol. I act like a fool, often embarrass myself or overdo it, and then hate life for several days when hungover.

I don't drink like this often - in fact it's completely related to uncomfortable social situations. I'm autistic and have a fully neurotypical friendship group as far as I know. I only twigged recently that I use alcohol as a bit of a coping mechanism when I feel awkward/uncomfortable or like I don't fit in in social situations.

Once I've had several drinks I swing the other way into this loud, confident and irritating person.

I'm not sure whether to quit fully, or just quit drinking in these uncomfortable social settings. For example I quite enjoy a nice glass of wine on a Friday evening or glass of Pimms on a sunny day. I don't have an issue with being unable to moderate alcohol intake when I'm in my own environment or any environment when I feel more comfortable. In the social setting though it's like I want the drunk effect because I feel so much more at ease.

Can anyone relate or done similar?

Thanks all.

Yup. I’ve quit. Easier than part quitting and done great non alcoholic alternatives now.

For me, the first 2 drinks are key. If you’re with others make them soft drinks. Then, you’ll notice others getting tipsy and decide to avoid that situation for yourself.

Thank you. Good idea. I just need to find a few fun soft drinks to swap out for so they can still feel a treat. Maybe non alcoholic versions of the same drinks I like etc.

Think I need to find a good book for support. And well done on quitting!

Oh I could've written this word for word.

I could have written this post too.

From experience go “cold turkey”. You’ll be so proud of yourself at the next event when everyone else is drinking and you’re not. Download the NHS alcohol app. Seeing the money not spent was also a massive incentive.

Lastly, remember it takes 21 days to chance a habit. Think of the money saved, embarrassing memories gone, the calories saved and no more hangovers! :)

I feel exactly the same as you OP. I would really struggle to give up drinking altogether as I find it so painfully difficult at parties etc. if I'm totally sober. I'm able to drink in moderation but it's more a case of accidentally overdoing it and regretting it. I've gotten a lot better at realising when I'm a little bit tipsy and immediately stopping there. If that's hard then you can set a personal limit beforehand (e.g. two glasses of wine) and stick to it.

I gave up five years ago. I got drunk and embarrassed myself and decided to take responsibility, so I stopped drinking.

Good for you! There are loads of good books about quitting - Jason Vale, Clare Pooley, Annie Grace... Lots of online resources too, and an Alcohol Support thread on this very site!

And drinking to deal with social situations isn't just an autistic thing - lots of people use it as a coping mechanism! But it's very interesting as an experiment to stay sober while all around you are getting drunk and observe how much it doesn't look like fun from the outside... That 'first two drinks' thing is real, then they will all be off in their own little world of slurring and sloppiness and repetition and TALKING TOO LOUD to notice you aren't drinking.

As @FuglySweaty says, it's a lot easier to quit completely than have to go through the questioning and bargaining and 'will I-won't-I' all the time...

It's also a lot cooler and more fashionable to be sober now than it used to be... 😄

I can relate. The last few social occasions I drove there. I won't touch a drop if I'm driving and I was so glad I didn't embarrass myself. Yes, I was aware of feeling uncomfortable but that was better than the days of hangxiety. Plus, if everyone else is drinking I figure after a couple drinks they're not going to care or remember if I'm looking awkward.

I gave up 26 years ago.

Only 2 people have been shitty with me for not drinking.

Drunk people are somehow boring and unpredictable at the same time.

I quit drinking and it was the best thing I did.

It’s been 5 years now and I don’t think about it at all now, but at the start I had to have a replacement soft drink each evening to stop me reaching for a glass of wine. Gradually the need to have that replacement drink went.

I think it’s much more common now and many of my friends are also now teetotal!

I have ADHD and quit drinking 5 years ago for similar reasons. It’s hard at first (especially for neurodivergent folk, I think) because you’ve used alcohol as an escape from social situations that make you anxious.

I had to sit through some social situations where I felt extremely awkward and uncomfortable in my own skin sober, but I’ve been forced to learn new strategies to deal with them. It’s been pretty liberating in the long run.

Also - no more waking up worrying about what you said or whether you embraced yourself or offended anyone the previous night! Reduces anxiety massively.

I've almost quit. I did dry January and it was quite hard but it changed my mindset a lot. I rarely think about drinking now, I've had a bottle of wine in a cupboard since Christmas- previously that would've been drunk the same day! I'll have a few glasses of wine every now and then as in, maybe every month or two and I did get pretty smashed at a wedding since then but overall my alcohol intake has dropped to fairly close to the level of a non drinker. Dealing in absolutes isn't for me but I know I could abstain permanently quite easily as the more time I spend not drinking the less it even occurs to me to drink.

Do it! Life is so much better on the other side. Non alcoholic beer is great now (so many options) and you can get decent NA fizz and "spirits". I'm yet to find a NA wine that isn't yucky but I live in hope!
I didn't mean to give up entirely but I did a few long spells (about 3 months each time) and every time I went back to drinking I was just like ARGH, yuck, and whyyyy? I never had a "problem" as such (I don't think ! I enjoyed a drink while young but didn't drink much when kids came along.) Then menopause made me start getting blackouts (where you suffer memory loss) every time I had more than a large glass of wine, and the hangovers were horrible and lasted days with anxiety and the fear. So a few years ago I did another "3 month" break and then just kept going! I had a glass of champagne at a Christmas party last year and didn't finish it. I can't even really say I enjoyed it, so I think that's me (for now anyway! I'll certainly never go back to my old way of drinking once a week and suffering all week only to start again the following Saturday.)
I think there is a thread on Mumsnet for people who are having a break or who have stopped!

Thank you. I guess it's the only way, and I still have the option to choose to have a drink or two later down the line once it's become a habit, for example in a safe environment like a family birthday.

I've ordered the book by Millie Gooch after searching on here and saw it was highly recommended.

This is exactly it. It's never the intention to get wasted or go wild, it's more wanting to take the edge off an uncomfortable situation. But nearly every time it goes way beyond that and I'm this hectic social butterfly, which is a totally inauthentic version of myself.

This is kind of where I'm at now. It's just mortifying when you hear the stories and/or see the photos, and you're acting like an 18 year old who's been given access to booze for the first time! I just don't want that consequence anymore. It needs to go!

That's true, and I'm thinking of getting on a health kick anyway so it does tie in with that nicely.

I didn't realise there was an alcohol support section on here either so thank you.

I understand it's not limited to just autism, I think many people who are naturally shy or more introverted are in a similar boat to myself. I guess it comes down to either avoiding these situations or finding healthier ways to being more comfortable in them - not that I know what these are yet 😊

You are so right. I'd rather be remembered for being a bit socially awkward but sober, than being an absolute headcase which I then ruminate over and stress about for weeks after the event itself. That is what I need to remember.

And to be the driver too is a good shout, gives an extra layer of accountability.

Anyone who has an issue with someone they call a friend quitting drinking sounds like a very disingenuous friend to me. Unless it's a group of teen girls I guess!

That's true, I tend to despise loud clubby environments in general, as well as dancing when you can't hear anyone to talk. I'd much rather sit and chat in a restaurant or pub than be in that environment- need to start declining invites that are in those types of spaces I think.

I think that's what I need as a bit of a transition. I can happily go weeks without booze at home, rarely drink on holidays etc because I don't want to feel crappy the next day, and I guess because I'm genuinely more relaxed and comfortable so the need for it just isn't there. I may have two drinks or so watching the sunset for example but that's all I ever want.

I guess I have the option of making drinks sans alcohol to start with, and hopefully it'll just become my new normal over time.

May I ask what has helped you in particular? This is really helpful and I relate to everything you said.

My closest friends for example, they are a small group who I'm comfortable with therefore I don't feel like I need to mask over my awkwardness with booze. But my extended friendship groups and wider circles of friends, who I don't see often and borderline towards acquaintances rather than friends, that's when I really feel it, like I'm an outsider and worry they're noticing how strange I am.

I know it's likely they aren't at all and it's all in my head, but I still feel immense stress and discomfort so reach for the booze to numb me and take those feelings away. It's not healthy, and looking back it's something I've done my entire life.

Personally I'd try setting myself a cast-iron two-drink limit at the next social event, see whether I could stick to it, and then decide how to go from there, because I do actually enjoy being slightly less than sober at these events, and, despite a decade or two of drinking way too much, it turns out I can stick to it nowadays.

But if you can't, or if you think you'd prefer to go sober at events like that, then going complete dry is also a good choice. Either way, you can't go in as you are, hangovers only get worse as you get older.

Thank you, this is helpful too.

I am unsure whether to quit in full longer term, but I think I need to do that in the beginning to get to a place where I can make the right decisions about whether to drink or not.

I think if I'm dabbling then there's always that easy excuse to say that I'll just do it on this occasion... I think a 6 month break to break that cycle, then a three drink rule for occasional treats might be a good thing to aim for. I may find once I do cut it out that I'm not fussed about reintroducing it too.

I quit 7 years ago. I also made a complete fool of myself while drinking and would cringe at the things I said and did.

I don't regret it at all. It's actually not awkward at all in social settings, I just say I'm doing it for my health (which is only partly true but I don't owe people the truth in this matter!). But most people don't ask because there are soooo many reasons why people don't and some of them are complex and personal. People
Generally know better.

I don't know whether it actually made a difference health wise, perhaps it'll be something that happens long-term.

I can relate to a lot of what you've said as well. I may see if I can find a nice non alcoholic spirit equivalent. If not I guess there are lots of things you can do with mixers like sparkling water.

I'll seek that thread out. I don't like the taste of most alcohol really but there are a few drinks I have become partial to that'll be harder, and I don't want to feel like I'm banning myself in case I decide to just binge one night. I guess it needs to be drank for the taste and enjoyment rather than for the purpose of the feeling, and that's how I see the two ends of the spectrum when I drink.