Got back from a holiday of a lifetime, and cried over how ugly I look in all the photos

[cryingcosimugly]

I went on a bucket list holiday with beautiful scenery, but in every photograph I am taken aback but how ugly I look. I look completely haggard with huge bags under my eyes despite being 30. I don't know if I have just aged overnight without noticing until now. I look huge, my arms look puffy and massive and I look like I'm wearing the wrong bras (despite looking ok in the mirror). I look pale and unwell and almost grey, despite wearing fake tan.

I know I'm being vain, but I honestly feel so taken aback and shocked by the photos that I have cried over them. All the photos were taken by my relative apart from a couple that were taken by a stranger - in these ones I look much better and how I thought I looked.

Ok so nows the chance to look at your life - are you eating well, sleeping well, managing your stress?

Do you feel unwell?

sit with it, allow the emotion to be there but then do something about it

You’ve got this

Photos can be awful and not a true reflection.

My ‘darling’ DS once said to me ‘ ohhh, for someone quite lovely looking in real life, every photo of you is awful’ ( there is a compliment very well hidden in there somewhere…🤣)

But if you've reflected and think these do truly reflect you, maybe use them as a chance to make a change. More exercise? Improved diet, ...i don't know because I know nothing of the life you lead, but something that might make a difference to how you feel.

I’ve been there, many many times.

Then, miraculously, I look back at the photos a year later and wonder what I was so upset about!

Think about how gorgeous a full moon is. There’s one tonight. Take a pic with your camera phone. If the moon doesn’t look good in photos, what chance do we stand?

That is genius ❤️

Get your bloods done first. When I see photos of the time before my underactive thyroid was diagnosed I look grey and puffy like you describe, also around 30. I was feeling stressed and exhausted but hadn't seen it as a medical issue for a long time.

Well it might also be your relative is a crap photographer, if the ones taken by the stranger are better.
My mother will ALWAYS zoom right in on a photo, so left to her own devices they are horribly unflattering! We have to stop her now to either take 5 paces back or remind her to zoom out!

I had this last year after cancer treatment / chemo and I knew my appearance was much worse but in mirrors it wasn't too bad but holiday photos were shocking and sadly not better a year later. Though that definitely can happen as you age and you were just overly critical before.

Could the flight have given you inflammation? If so next time use DVT socks that helps I found. Also I can now get inflammation from sugar or salt, didn't get it until post chemo but did your diet alter on holiday, sometimes people go and eat very unhealthy. Bags under eyes ideally more sleep but make up works. Maybe check bra size and support. Appearing huge, this year I actually took my photo in the mirror and DD took one in camera and I look half as wide and attractive in the mirror one and much wider though thin in one DD took. Very strange. It could be just bad photography in both cases. Though I am now at the top of normal BMI and when I was bottom to mid of normal BMI it was much rarer for a bad photo. I think being slimmer definitely helps.

Personally I would just keep the photos you like and get rid of the rest of you think they will always look bad. What would you say if it was a friend's photo maybe a good indication. If it's not that bad maybe keep and work on self esteem. Then maybe consider a few changes if you think those would help. I think also certain angles etc can help with photos though it's a bit vain but if it makes you happier try experimenting.

Aww...I'd put filters on them to change the colouring then save those and get rid of the originals (evidence) 😁

Also I find pale colours or black can make me look very pale but brighter colours or say dark pink or navy blue I can look quite healthy in.

This is the best advice I have ever seen on here.

OP I have noticed that I can look at the same photo in a bad mood and think I look horrific and then again in a good mood and think I look ok. It's not the photo that's changed.

You win everything today. This should be a pinned post somewhere on the site!

I look awful in all photos. Always have, no matter what size I am, how much sleep I've had or anything else. I'm relatively attractive in real life so I'm told. I just don't look at pictures of myself now. Problem solved!

Ditto, cameras really hate me, despite being told I'm not too bad in the flesh. I end up looking like a gargoyle. And yes, I find it really upsetting sometimes.

Thank you all. I think the reason I feel so upset is because over the last few months I had lost weight, had just had my hair coloured/highlighted, had my teeth whitened and started using skincare prescribed by a dermatologist - so I should really be looking my 'best', yet I look awful.

I'm not sure really where to even start. I just want to burn all my clothes and start again... Weight loss is obviously a huge factor so I will continue with that. Maybe start pilates for better posture too? I already wear fake tan semi regularly, but I think I need to try a darker one as I still look so pale. Probably drink more water and eat more fruits and veg.

Maybe your relative is just a bit crap at taking photos and uses bad settings.

A few years ago we had a professional photographer take photos of everyone at work. Somehow he made everyone look awful! Even some very attractive men looked crap! The photos were used once and then deleted never to be seen again.

And Teams. I look shite on Teams - like hideous. But actually look ok in pics and in mirrors. So assume I look ok in real life. It’s just Teams does something to me!
So sometimes a lens (be it a camera or laptop) just does something funny to how we look.

We all look ghastly in photos - I look like a wizened crone - but no way would this stand in the way of enjoying a holiday in a beautiful place. Confine your photos to scenery next time!

Chill - in 40 years you will look even more different - not worse, just different!

i would ditch the fake tan. That is likely the reason you look grey in the photos. Most people I know who use it have an undertone of grey. But also sounds as though your relative might not be a great photographer.

All the photos were taken by my relative apart from a couple that were taken by a stranger - in these ones I look much better and how I thought I looked

So you do have some nice photos of yourself from the trip?

What is the difference between the pictures taken by the strangers and the pictures taken by the relative?

Do you think the relative was trying to take unflattering pictures of you?

This is quite an interesting article and also says iPhones can make face fatter than it is.

www.fotor.com/blog/why-do-i-look-fat-in-pictures/

This is why I hate having my photo taken always hate how I look. But if I didn't endure it my kids would never have any photos of me.

Sympathy because I am the most photographic person in the world. I don’t know how to pose and I always look awful - my features just look weird. It makes me extremely awkward whenever anyone tries to take a photo.

Interesting that you say the ones taken by a stranger look better. Maybe your relative has no idea about how to photograph someone from a good angle. My dad literally points and shoots and it’s always a weird wide angle, shot from underneath photo, terrible lighting that wouldn’t be flattering even to a supermodel. Maybe you need to know who to ask to take your photos.

I'm 50.

Trust me. You'll look back at them in 20 years and think you look amazing!

Were the ones taken by a stranger with the same phone as the unflattering ones? Or with the same phone but further away?

My iPhone camera is quite distorting, it makes everyone bigger than they are. I know this is as on objective fact as I took the same headshot of a work colleague, several times with my phone, and then with theirs. He looked like a bloated white spoon face with mine, and his ordinary good looking self with his own phone. The distortion on my phone lessens with distance.

This happened to me recently, same as you I don't think I look terrible when
I look in the mirror but I look completely different in photographs.
I put my phone on video record and let it film me tidying the kitchen for 20 minutes. Even without makeup I look much more like my mirror self in a video rather than a photograph.