Wedding gift dilemma

[GiftOrNoGift]

DH’s younger brother got married a few weeks ago. Only parents invited. He wasn’t invited to any stag do (she had a hen do but only invited local family members).

We’ve had a text invite to an evening party in a pub where they live. It’s a long way from us so we have booked an airbnb for the weekend. I asked DH about a gift and he said he hadn’t thought about it. I said it was traditional to get them a gift and he said it was traditional to invite immediate family
to the wedding. I think he is quite upset about it but won’t say anything.

I generally stay out of the relationship with his family but I fear we will be turning up empty handed and with him in scruffy shorts/t-shirt and I’m not sure I can cope with that! On the other hand they’re in their 40s, both have kids and everything they want at home etc. I don’t want to buy something for the sake of it.

What would you do?

In that situation take a bottle of champagne and a card; if they like champagne you can never have too much and if they don’t they can regift it

I second champagne and a card.

A bottle in a bag and a card. I'd treat it like being invited to the evening reception at a wedding.

Agree champagne and card and can always get champagne flutes if your feeling flush

Or nice photo frame

Small token gift & card

Photo frame and a card would be nice.

Photo frame or champagne and chocolates (tip, coop best the branded champagne in taste test, Aldi came a close third!)

I’ve about 2 dozen bottles of champagne in my garage from the last French trip we did, so that’s easy!

So he's pissed off as wasn't invited to brothers wedding - fair enough

So yes I see his point why take a pressie

You are just going a for a meal

It's not a wedding reception

Are they paying for the meal

Don’t think there is a meal. Might be some sort of buffet but it won’t be much if there is.

They’re the sort that won’t offer you a cup of tea when you’ve driven for 4 hours to see them.

Don't take a gift at all, I never do for the evening events.
You don't need to. Just go, join in and give them your best wishes.

We had a tiny wedding (only both sets of parents in attendance as the registry office room was so small, no stag or hen do) and didn't for a moment expect gifts. Especially not weeks later!

I think you should give a gift - bottle of champagne is perfect, not bringing a present could result in family drama.

Michelle obama style "go high"
Dont go empty handed.

A card and something like a Photo album or nice but inoffensive frame. (Total cost less than £20) or champagne (£30)
Edit: use the garage champagne and a card - job done

I would give them nothing to complain about.

Bring snacks / plan to eat before given you know what they are like.

Are there any other siblings / cousins / whatevers eho are travelling too?
Maybe you can stay in the same hotel?
I find the "dilution effect" works wonders at family gatherings...
Your dh is clearly miffed... support him and help navigate their shittiness re:the wedding as best you can

I'd want clarity on whether food is being provided or not. Otherwise, you might be starving! I'd also like to know how dressy others will be.
Even as an evening guest, I always give money, but in this case, a card and bottle of something seems sufficient.

You don't know what's being provided. You may have to pay for your own drinks. The "buffet" may be nuts and crisps. Is there any way to find out?

I would do the bottle of bubbly and a card. Or if you have young kids, a handmade present such as a clay dish etc!

I would give a gift because I want to congratulate these people who I (supposedly) like.
I hate this transactional notion that I should only give if I'm invited to the wedding, or to cover the cost of my food. Vile.
Gifts should be freely given, with love, and not in return for anything.
If they don't have a wedding list, write a generous cheque and congratulate them warmly.

Or if you have young kids, a handmade present such as a clay dish etc!
I almost choked laughing at this suggestion, but I'm unsure if you are being serious of not? 😂

I'd give whatever we would've given if we were invited - the gift is to wish them well in their marriage.

We’re the outliers. Everyone else fairly local and no space at anyone’s house for us to stay. There’s a reason we don’t visit very often.

I’m assuming there is a bar we can go to and order food if needed. I’ll be driving so if I need to leave to get food for any of us, I will.

It’s costing us well over £300 just to travel there.

I didn’t say anything about covering the cost of food. DH is hurt that his brother didn’t invite him to his wedding. I think that’s valid. Given the only invite is to X pub at 7pm on this date via WhatsApp we have no idea what to expect. It’s not even badged as a wedding party.