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Original poster

Friend is TTC and I feel as though she’s turned on me because of it

30 replies

Esme20 · 14/07/2024 21:42

Hi all

I’m at a bit of a loss. My long time friend is TTC. She told me about four months ago that she and her DH were planning to start trying the following month. She was initially very excited but after three months of no pregnancy she’s become increasingly cold and hostile towards me.

During a fairly mundane whatsapp conversation this evening she seemed a bit ‘off’. I asked her if she was ok to which we replied, out of nowhere ‘I’m fine. It’s just a shame we can’t all be mother fucking nature like you’. She hasn’t responded to me since.

For context I’ve had two babies, conceived on my first cycle trying with both and had two I medicated vaginal deliveries. She knows this, but only because she’s a very close friend and she’s asked. I want to be sympathetic to her situation but at the same time feel this was uncalled for and I don’t feel as though I have anything to apologise for? I’m not sure how to feel about this.

Any thoughts?

OP posts:
Floppyelf · 14/07/2024 21:44

Dump her as a friend. She’s a vile piece of work. Its not your fault her biology is a problem

AppleCream · 14/07/2024 21:44

She's being unreasonable - especially as she's only been TTC for 4 months. It does feel unfair though when you're the one in her position.

Peonies12 · 14/07/2024 21:45

It sounds like she had very unrealistic expectations of TTC, 3 months is very normal as is up to 1 year. I’d have sympathy if they’d been trying for a long time / had known issues, but she’s being unreasonable (assuming you aren’t mentioning that it was quick for you). I’d kindly tell her that. We’ve had a long-ish journey to a baby and I never have any resentment for those who’ve had easy or quick journeys. That’s just life

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Allthegoodnamesaregone1 · 14/07/2024 21:45

What a twat.
I'd reply

Rude

And leave it at that. The friendship would be over for me without a very sincere apology.

Hope she enjoys the next year or so that's normal for TTC.

God help her if she needs help and she's this bitter this early.

Borgonzola · 14/07/2024 21:47

'That's very hurtful. I've done nothing but be supportive to you. I wish you luck with conception but I won't have you talk to me like that. I hope you can apologise because if not, I'm not interested in being friends who is so unpleasant'

Thunderandlightningisfrightening · 14/07/2024 21:47

It took me 2 years to get pregnant. My mate had 2 kids in that time. I wasn't a dickhead to her. My issues not hers.

Hb7x3 · 14/07/2024 21:49

Urghhh, my relationship with sil never recovered from similar situation.

WhatMe123 · 14/07/2024 21:50

God she sounds hard work op, I mean 3 months is hardly anything compared to some women and how is it exactly your fault. Oh she's made me feel tired just reading your post. Do not allow her to make you feel guilt for having children, ffs some people

GameOfJones · 14/07/2024 21:52

Completely out of order of her. I would definitely tell her she was being rude and hurtful.

HalebiHabibti · 14/07/2024 21:52

"Friend, I'm really sorry you're having such a tough time. Having said that, your last message was unkind and uncalled for. I am going to back off and give you some space for a bit. Please let me know when you're ready to talk."

MultiplaLight · 14/07/2024 21:58

HalebiHabibti · 14/07/2024 21:52

"Friend, I'm really sorry you're having such a tough time. Having said that, your last message was unkind and uncalled for. I am going to back off and give you some space for a bit. Please let me know when you're ready to talk."

This.

AzureAnt · 14/07/2024 22:01

HalebiHabibti · 14/07/2024 21:52

"Friend, I'm really sorry you're having such a tough time. Having said that, your last message was unkind and uncalled for. I am going to back off and give you some space for a bit. Please let me know when you're ready to talk."

I would be slightly more forthright than that.
Like fuck off and don't ever speak to me again

Gamergirl86 · 14/07/2024 22:03

Yeah, nope.

4 months is nothing. We were 7 years before our DS came along and during that horrific time I managed to not be rude to my friends.

Most people have to try for at least a year, often more. Snapping at you after 4 months is just childish.
Absolutely no reason for her to take our her frustration on you.

maudelovesharold · 14/07/2024 22:05

‘I realise you’re lashing out, but I’m afraid I’m not prepared to be your target. It’s very hurtful when I’ve not done or said anything to deserve it. Wishing you all the very best, as always…’
And then distance yourself unless/until you get an apology.

Mistralli · 14/07/2024 22:09

She's out of line. You don't need to respond or take it on.

That said TTC can send you a bit loopy, and I think I'd struggle in the face of a friend who had a seemingly easy ride of it. I lost a pregnancy while one of my friends carried one to term- and while I was never such a complete cow by text, I did need some space for a while. It was hard seeing her in a state I was so desperately sad not to be.

It could be that your friend has recently suffered a loss.

Tristar15 · 14/07/2024 22:10

I agree that 4 months is nothing, she sounds horribly resentful and jealous. There’s no need to take it out on you. People become very irrational when it comes to pregnancy. My SIL doesn’t speak to me because I had a girl (very unexpected pregnancy), she has a boy and tried for another child but it just didn’t happen. She promised her dying father that she would have a little girl one day despite being over 40 and having not been pregnant for a decade. People are very strange.

DancingPhantomsOnTheTerrace · 14/07/2024 22:10

maudelovesharold · 14/07/2024 22:05

‘I realise you’re lashing out, but I’m afraid I’m not prepared to be your target. It’s very hurtful when I’ve not done or said anything to deserve it. Wishing you all the very best, as always…’
And then distance yourself unless/until you get an apology.

Yes, I'd say something like this.

It really doesn't sound as if you've done anything wrong. And even if 3 months was a long time to TTC (which it really isn't), there's no reason to speak to you like that.

Mrsttcno1 · 14/07/2024 22:12

DancingPhantomsOnTheTerrace · 14/07/2024 22:10

Yes, I'd say something like this.

It really doesn't sound as if you've done anything wrong. And even if 3 months was a long time to TTC (which it really isn't), there's no reason to speak to you like that.

Show quote history

Agree. Unless you’ve been going on about how easily you conceived both times, in which case yeah I’d be a bit annoyed if I was her

Bringitonnowibeg · 14/07/2024 22:13

She thought she would be just like you how very silly

Noseybookworm · 14/07/2024 22:13

Just because she's trying to conceive, it doesn't give her the right to be such a bitch to you. That's not a friend 😐 I'd block her and move on, but I'm a pretty unforgiving person! You don't need people in your life that think it's ok to treat you like shit just because they're unhappy with their own life!

Muffin101 · 14/07/2024 22:14

My first thought was ‘three months?! That’s fuck all!!’ but actually as a pp says, it doesn’t matter, not really. What matters is that she’s been so unspeakably rude to you and there is absolutely no justification for that.
I am currently v early days pregnant, having been trying for nearly 2.5 years. In that time, my brother and his wife have had two kids. It stung but I was never, ever anything but pleasant to them, even when my sil asked me directly how I was doing/feeling. You can express yourself without being a fucking prick, but apparently your friend doesn’t know that!

ImNotTheMatix · 14/07/2024 22:20

I’d be phoning her and saying she was out of order.

Stainglasses · 14/07/2024 22:22

Allthegoodnamesaregone1 · 14/07/2024 21:45

What a twat.
I'd reply

Rude

And leave it at that. The friendship would be over for me without a very sincere apology.

Hope she enjoys the next year or so that's normal for TTC.

God help her if she needs help and she's this bitter this early.

”rude” is the best response

Sarah2891 · 14/07/2024 22:23

She sounds like an arsehole. You shouldn't have to put up with that.

Original poster
Esme20 · 14/07/2024 22:26

Thanks I really appreciate the responses. I think I’ll let things cool off this evening and then reply along the same lines as your collective suggestions tomorrow

OP posts: