Friend is TTC and I feel as though she’s turned on me because of it

[Esme20]

Hi all

I’m at a bit of a loss. My long time friend is TTC. She told me about four months ago that she and her DH were planning to start trying the following month. She was initially very excited but after three months of no pregnancy she’s become increasingly cold and hostile towards me.

During a fairly mundane whatsapp conversation this evening she seemed a bit ‘off’. I asked her if she was ok to which we replied, out of nowhere ‘I’m fine. It’s just a shame we can’t all be mother fucking nature like you’. She hasn’t responded to me since.

For context I’ve had two babies, conceived on my first cycle trying with both and had two I medicated vaginal deliveries. She knows this, but only because she’s a very close friend and she’s asked. I want to be sympathetic to her situation but at the same time feel this was uncalled for and I don’t feel as though I have anything to apologise for? I’m not sure how to feel about this.

Any thoughts?

I had something similar from an old school friend when she got pregnant with her daughter. My dds were 7 and 3 at the time. She'd asked for advice on her pregnancy as she'd wanted a child for a longtime. After giving her advice she basically through it back in my face and called me smug, saying how easy it had been for me.

What she didn't know was I'd TTC for over 4 years and suffered a miscarriage before I had dd1. I blocked straight away and haven't spoken to her in 15 years.

I wouldn't even bother replying to her OP, I'd just block her, she's a bitch.

My thoughts too.

When both my parents died I wasn’t rude to my friends who still had theirs because it’s not their bloody fault. Neither is it yours OP and three months is nothing for TTC.

The friendship would be over for me too without an apology from her.

She's clearly hurting but boy is that unfair!

Sometimes jealousy brings out an awful side in people, OP.

You've done nothing wrong. I agree that it's a good idea to require an apology for the friendship to continue.

In the meantime, it might be good to spend some time thinking about what this person brings to your life.

I’ve been TTC for just under a year. I’ve just had my first pregnancy and miscarriage. I feel horrendous and awful and angry at the world. My best friend has 2 children. She got pregnant straight away with both. She was still the one I needed to help get me through this. My other friend is currently pregnant, we were on the same pregnancy timeline. Will it be hard to watch her pregnancy? Yes. Will I let her know that? Absolutely not.
TTC is brutal but it’s no one fault.

It sounds like your friend is caught up in her own fear and pain right now but that's no excuse for her to speak to you like that. 4 months isn't really that long but I totally get how you can get very fixated on it especially if she's had losses along the way. I'd respond to her and just say that you hope she knows you care very much about her and have always tried to be supportive and respectful towards her but that the way she spoke to you recently wasn't respectful at all. I'd say you understand that ttc is a minefield but you're not there to be her verbal punch bag. If she wants to talk to move things forward between you then you're available.

I'd expect an apology.