Anyone else lose interest in socialising/big groups etc around age 50?

[CountryGirl5]

I've just turned 50 and I've always been really happy in my own company and a fairly quiet life. I'm single but have family and friends who I do see regularly (but not too regularly!), a hobby I love and am a bookworm. I'm finding lately I'm just drained when I spend too much time with others, having to make small talk, chitchat about nothing, and I'm thinking I'd rather be at home with my book. I'm okay meeting one or two close friends, but finding it difficult with big gatherings or parties. So much effort when I'd rather not be there.

Please tell me I'm not alone!

I've found over the past few years since lock down, working from home and now retiring, that I'm actually more social. Not being around big groups of people every day makes me appreciate it a lot more . I am thinking of groups of about 8-12 people meeting in a pub rather than a party full of people I don't know though. Not that I dislike parties, but I am not confident in big groups where I don't know people.

I love socialising and big groups, crowded places etc. I'm not growing old gracefully!!!

I identify with this - especially the meeting early and home early !

I have a very small family so I need to socialise or I could become very isolated later on

Same here, and this is what prompted my earlier comment about not wanting to be a lonely pensioner. But I admit that if I had lots of relatives, they would probably be my network.

I use to have a big group of mum friends when the dcs were young but we’ve now all drifted away as our dcs reach late teens. I have hobbies and exercise groups so meet up with like minded people there. I have a close set of friends who I see every few months individually. I go out socialising mainly in the day and avoid nights out if I can.

I read the other day someone saying they were ‘socially retired’, that’s definitely me.

Anyone else lose interest in socialising/big groups etc around age 50?

I lost interest when I was about 6.

Yes, those online birthday parties early in lockdown were certainly a good reason to appreciate how good an actual night out can be! A lot of my friends turned 50 during Covid, so there was a slew of belated parties.

56 here...antisocial! Never needed groups of friends. I have cheerful casual interaction with colleagues, and meet up with the two who became my friends , now and again. That's it.
I like my space. I have an allotment which brings me joy, my kids and now a grandchild, whom I look after and have weekly playdates with his little friends and their Mums... and we get on fine despite the age difference .

I have my dog, and casual chats with other dog walkers. It's enough!

I've always been like this, maybe in my teens to early 20's my social needs or energy was a bit higher but I've always preferred being on my own to a night out with a group.

I do see my mum though who was much like me struggle in her retirement with feeling lonely and stuck in the house. I think she had her social needs met through work and once she retired didn't have that anymore. In my case I work from home alone now but currently have a husband, young nieces and nephews and older relatives as well as some friends I do see fairly regularly but that could all change in the future as I get older.

I think even if you are a loner at heart it is still worth cultivating some social connections.

In fairness, in the case of a significant proportion of Mners, there wasn’t anything to retire from.

No! Age 65
girls mini gathering tomorrow but last Saturday big dinner dance with about 80 people of whom I knew about 40
Both equally enjoyable

Hmm, I’m 50 this year and still enjoy socializing, but I’ve become extremely lazy. I used to invite people over, organize nights out, etc, but now I often cba. It’s not that I’ve withdrawn or fallen out with anyone, I just can’t be bothered and I’m quite happy being on my own. I even enjoy having a coffee out on my own. 😂

I think that part of it is being comfortable my own skin nowadays, I used to be less comfortable with being alone.

I feel this in my 30's. People are generally annoying. Especially if they are not my own family, who I have more tolerance for because i love them. Other than that i can't be arsed. Maybe i would feel differently if i had more friends but even my closer friends would annoy me after a few days

I’ve never been hugely social. I can’t stand small talk or people who try to impress. Crowds now make me panicky. I do love a good conversation but can’t see the point of going through the motions with people who don’t really care.

I love that expression! Me too 😁

What does not enjoying large gatherings have to do with not having a network?

That is simply not true for everyone.

I work with the elderly.

What I’ve noticed is the lonely ones are those who always loved to socialise but for whatever reason they are no longer able to do so or just can’t find the right opportunities to socialise but those who have never enjoyed a heavy social life are absolutely fine, they love their quiet, peaceful lives as they always have.

One lady I worked for was 92 and had lost her dh at the age of 60 (they had no dc). She was an introvert and was more than happy spending her time in her garden or walking her little dog. When she got to the point that she needed a little extra care, her only living relative, her nephew, placed her in a very large retirement home (against her wishes) and she was miserable, she told me she hated being amongst so many people. She lived 2 months after being placed in that care home. I was convinced she willed herself to die.

We are all different and some people may be alone but they are far from lonely. I do wish extroverts and people who like to socialise would understand that we aren’t all the same. Many of us thrive quite happily in peace and quiet.

@Theyearwas1973 That’ll be me if I get to 92! My Dad (86) OTOH, is an extrovert and couldn’t stand being alone on the house after he was widowed. So he’s moved into a retirement flat and loves it all the social activities. Different strokes for different folks.

Thanks for all tbe replies... I wasn't expecting so many!!

I don't know, at 48 I'm more confident at parties and talking to people than ever, and have found I actually do like being part of a big crowd sometimes, particularly after not being able to do that for a year or two. But also I'm good at deciding when I'm not enjoyjng it or I've had enough. I've never been good at late nights or noisy places. I remember going to a trendy bar for the first time aged 16 and complaining that the music was too loud and that there was nowhere to sit. I've always enjoyed my own company and going to bed.

Yes nearly 50 and really struggle with people. I find everyone so annoying. It's awfull.

I'm 58 and a lot more choosy about what events I go to. I've always felt uncomfortable at big events and socially awkward but the odd thing is that I'm actually quite friendly and can chat and hold a conversation with others. For example I go on solo cruises and never have difficulty chatting to strangers at dinner or events. But - I'm always glad to get back to my cabin for some me time and I also spend time doing my own thing in the day.

I didn't realise until I went to a conference of creative women a few years ago in the states that being an introvert and struggling around other people was actually an acceptable thing. It was mind blowing to me.

I've realised that a lot of the people I socialised with when I was younger were just completely different to me, and that's fine. These days I like my own company as well as occasionally the company of a specific few people!

I’m the same but have never liked big groups and always not only enjoyed time by myself but needed it. I liked going out, not all the time (and often felt I should go or didn’t want to miss out) I certainly enjoyed being around people more than I do now

Now it doesn’t cross my mind I might miss out and I will decline an invite if I don’t want to go it’s so liberating

The thought of doing nothing at the weekend is lovely I love to potter and just take my time doing very little

another thing is I used to love to travel spent time living abroad now that desire has gone too, not completely but just a nice simple holiday in Italy/Spain is far more appealing than going somewhere to far flung to explore

and one more thing I love being middle aged 🤩

I'm in my 30s and I'm done with that 😂