Disability lanyards

[4121T]

My mum, being well-meaning and I somewhat agree, suggested that I get an "I have autism" lanyard (or similar) for my son. He is 4. Non verbal. Still in nappies. He is happy and adorable but can be loud or do things which may not be the norm. It's at these points where she feels it might be worthwhile having one to alert people that he's not being naughty and me a shit parent but actually his behaviours are due to his condition/disability.

However, as much as I agree it would be helpful for people to magically know he is autistic, I hate the idea of doing it. I feel he is too young still. But I don't know. How would other people feel either seeing my son or if your son/daughter was disabled in the same or similar way. Ironically my son has an NHS staff style lanyard which currently goes everywhere with us but not worn. It's currently his favourite "toy".

I find that people who are going to judge still judge. lanyard or not !!!

I wouldn't. I say that as autistic person myself with a autistic child. Both of us would be mortified having to wear one.

I saw a little boy with a hi vis vest with "Hi I'm autistic, I like to run please call ***" or something similar printed on the back.

All I thought was what a good idea for a bolter.

Why would you think he is too young? It's not like he is going to know the significance of it? It might help, it might not. It might just help you if your feeling self conscious if that's an issue for you.

@LadyWhistled0wn thank you for your message it is helpful. Playing devils advocate, I assume both you and your child have the mental capacity to comprehend what such a lanyard represents (of course I could be wrong). Please don't think I'm being a dick but my son doesn't have capacity. He won't understand it could be mortifying. But in the same breath I feel I'm denying him any form of consent to having one and it being displayed for everyone to see. I'm genuinely really torn.

Well the point of the lanyard is to bring understanding and adjustments to those with invisible disabilities to fully access life

You wouldn't feel the same about someone who was hearing impaired or with poor eyesight using aids to fully access life despite everyone being able to see them and that they need help.

I would be concerned about any 4 year old wearing a lanyard; too many things for it to catch on.

One issue might be that anyone who knows what a sunflower lanyard is is already likely to guess. The judgy people who need to know probably won't get the lanyard hint. An "I'm autistic" tshirt is likely to be most effective for that.

One of my children has an invisible disability. We use a sunflower lanyard very occasionally in places where it actually helps him access things and where staff might be trained in what it means - in an airport security queue for example.

I personally wouldn’t put a lanyard on my child just in day to day life, I don’t want attention drawn to him (more than it already is), and I think sometimes as they get older it unfortunately makes them a target for unpleasantness and bullying. If other parents want to judge then that’s up to them, I’m not sharing my child’s personal information with someone unless it benefits him for me to do so. Even when he was too young to understand I wanted to give him as much dignity and privacy as I could.

Safety, as in the case of a child that runs off, might change my mind, but not just to avoid people judging my parenting.

I feel that (unfortunately) the lanyards, while in theory a great idea, have been overused and abused to the point that they are often ignored, and as another posted said, people who are going to judge, will do so anyway!
My (adult) son has autism and some learning disabiity and the only time we used one was at Heathrow, as getting through security , being told to stand just so, do this do that... is difficult for him and he comes across as anxious and a bit peculiar and I was worried he'd be pulled aside.

I think for specific situations they have their uses, but as a daily signifyer, not keen.

I have one and I wear it in airports, travelling, places I might get overwhelmed as I can go non verbal. My daughter chooses not to, my son prefers to wear his.

Frankly, I don't give a monkey’s what people think of it, and I certainly don't find it mortifying. Why would I? I'm autistic and struggle sometimes. If couldn't walk i’d use a wheelchair.

My DC with autism is a few years older than your DS, also mostly non-verbal and in nappies.

Despite DC's age, I feel their autism diagnosis is their personal information, and only disclose to professionals as needed. I get irrationally annoyed when a certain family who I see rarely only ever talks to me about autism, despite the fact I've never confirmed or even discussed DC's diagnosis with them as it's none of their business.

Your DM's suggestion sounds like something she is saying to make her feel more comfortable and less embarrassed about your son's behaviour in public; it's not about him, but all about her. I say this as it's exactly the sort of thing my DM would say. I limit my DC's exposure to DM because she constantly tries to get them to talk and I'm tired of explaining that's not how autism works!

I would only use the lanyard in places like the airport which could be overwhelming for DC, and perhaps would be helpful in accessing quieter spaces. Other than that, no, I wouldn't put one on DC regularly.

I have 4 autistic children and I've wondered about this a lot. My 16 year old struggles to communicate but he also hates to look different so he would be mortified if he was expected to wear a lanyard, although it would be helpful and give him more independence. My youngest cheerfully says he has autism to anyone who will listen anyway and the other 2 don't really need them.

I'm not sure if would help ,the spectrum.is huge Many people have pre conceived ideas of what autism is
My son is 14 no and severely autistic and non verbal
It's very obvious now that He has disabilities so there is more understanding now.

Thank you for all your messages. Believe it or not my mum is coming from a place of caring for him. She hates how people stare and the judgement when they clearly find his ways irritating. We, as a family, have had to do a lot of learning, adapting and growing. Myself I've grown the thickest skin possible and I'm incredibly protective. I just don't know whether to try this method but as a PP has said I don't feel he should have personal information (to a point) freely available for all to see.

I don't think I would, as someone else said, the judgemental people will judge regardless. I have an invisible disability and would be mortified by wearing a lanyard.

There's a house near to us that has a sign out the front saying 'drive carefully, autistic child at play'. I can't fathom it. Just 'child at play' would have the same impact.

I sometimes tie a lanyard to my 8yo back pack or sometimes he wears it. Like others say mostly when we might need to evidence something - service stations, possibly shops or restaurants.

He knows he needs some "special help" and he knows he wears it so that people know he might need some special help. (He is a biter when stressed which can be alarming for people) (Biter of me, not of other people 😮😁that would be more than alarming!!!)

I get you, so my twins are 10 and both have autism They are very verbal though and do not have a learning disability but get very anxious if plans change short notice or if we are late/ delayed transport etc.

Last year I started giving the lanyards to wear but only at times when i think it will be needed and I felt a bit awkward about "labeling" them however it has been an absolute godsend e.g bypassing the massive security and passport control que at Malaga airport, making the people who had sat in our pre booked seats on the train realise why we needed them without an argument, etc, etc,

We mainly use them at airports, on trains and in restaurants but actually lots of places the ND kids find hard my 2 are ok with e.g theatres, shopping centres etc so I wouldn't bother then. They are getting better as well at doing it themselves and chosing when to wear them (I know your little one is too young for that yet) but I think it gives them ownership and the ability to say when they know things are going to be tricky.

I get also what you are saying about consent but also I think that so many people use it for loads of things not just autism but things like anxiety and epilepsy if you just have the lanyard and no card etc it just means you have a hidden disability and need extra space and time etc rather than broadcasting a specific diagnosis- Thats I how feel anyway.

Having been a total sceptic about it for years, I can honestly say it has changed our family experiences for the better and made life tons easier. Wish I had bothered ages ago!

I've seen children(from very young to teens) with the sunflower ones. They used to be a thing during covid, but loads are still using them now.

Last time was this weekend , and coupled with ear defenders, I instantly knew the child was ND , even if not specifically what.

I don't judge regardless, but I'm more mindful. For example , this weekend we were in a very busy theatre and I was very careful not to get in that child's personal space while we were queuing up .

My DP is autistic, and wears one. He had a meltdown in public, and was treated awfully, so wears one in the hope that people would be more understanding in future. Sadly, I have seen people see it, and talk to him like he is some sort of idiot (he is in his 50s).

Like PP have said, the judgey people will judge anyway, lanyard or not.

Hi op! My daughter is 6 and doesn’t have capacity. Funnily enough my mum (who used to be completely against the idea of a lanyard!) has gently suggested I have her wear one. This was after a horrific moment on holiday abroad where she bolted and managed to get out to the main road without being seen!

I’m on the fence… I’ve had her wear one at the airport and I probably would at somewhere like a theme park but in day to day life she’s so heavily supervised I don’t see the need from a safety perspective. She’s also so disabled by her autism and learning difficulties that it’s very obvious to anyone passing that she’s mentally impaired (god I hope that doesn’t offend anyone) so I don’t see the point from a alerting perspective.

Have worked with adults with SEN for many years some of whom would of benefited from a lanyard and while others wouldn't. One of the most useful things I saw was a small card on the inside of both back windows informing people that the child had autism, and in the case of an accident how to interact with them and who to contact.

I'm a support worker and the people I work with always wear theirs, it makes life much easier. I see for myself how it changes peoples perceptions and treatment in only positive ways.
I think ND people who live their lives not requiring support and preferring to not make it obvious will probably not want to wear one and that's good too.

Tbh I would have thought that it wouldn't be necessary with a non verbal four year old - it must quickly be obvious to most who meet him that he has additional needs of one form or another.

The arseholes who stare won't be any less likely to do so if he's wearing a lanyard.

I don’t think I’d register if someone was wearing a lanyard that said ‘I have autism’ on it, I don’t read everything people are wearing. I probably wouldn’t even register he was wearing a lanyard as many people wear all kinds of things so it wouldn’t be any different. If you want a label on your son then you probably need to go for a bright t-shirt with it on or something a lot more obvious.

I work in the field of special education and can see the benefits of the sunflower lanyard. I did a click and collect in a store recently and the person who assisted me wore one - obviously I didn't comment on it but I was both pleased that she was employed there (it hopefully demonstrated that the company have the right attitude towards employing staff with a disability/ND and giving them the support they need to be happy and successful there) and that she wore it in public. My friend has an autistic teen and has found it a godsend, as although he generally has plenty to say this is not the case when overwhelmed, and they have got through airport security etc super quickly and he has been able to manage those stresses more effectively.