Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Shall I just bin him off over text

54 replies

ForOliveShaker · 07/07/2024 00:05

I’d been seeing this guy for about 6 months. Went on a few dates with him. He’s always been a bad texted and said it from the off. But over time it was his behaviour that was the issue.

I’ve heard all the excuses under the sun I feel. And he flakes last minute it randomly changes the day without checking if it’s ok with me.

List of excuses for cancelling dates:

  • Safeguarding issue at work
  • wisdom tooth removal
  • Mums car broke down ans he needed to pick her up (cancelled on the hour)
  • Forgot to reply to me while on holiday for 10 days
  • Forgot to bring a change of clothes to see me for a date
  • His car broke down
  • His car got written off
  • He was hungover and didn’t feel up to it
  • Mums in hospital
  • Uncle died so took longer to reply

So the other day he said “will try and arrange to see you this week” at this point I still wanted to give him a chance. He then took 5 days to reply and just said “I’m so sorry I’ve been shit, works overwhelmed me since I’ve been back. I’m so sorry. Are you okay”

Like I’m bored now of the excuses and I was tempted to break it off over message (I know I don’t owe him that) but I really wanna do it to his face or do what he’s done to me and flake last min. last week he asked what days I’m free. I said “ I’m busy. I’m only free Tuesday. Schedules tight now can’t keep freeing it up” Tuesday rolls round “ohh no I’m off to see my sisters new house” funny how the sister just randomly gets a house on the day I suggest.

Annoyingly I’ve had sex with him. I fucking hate myself so much. Be gentle on me please. My confidence is at rock bottom and yes I reckon he’s married too or very much in a relationship. My mates told me to play the game back. But I cba. Shall I just do this over a text?

OP posts:
RisingSunn · 07/07/2024 00:08

Text him now and call everything off. Then enjoy the rest of your weekend.

MrsTerryPratchett · 07/07/2024 00:08

Annoyingly I’ve had sex with him. I fucking hate myself so much. Be gentle on me please. My confidence is at rock bottom and yes I reckon he’s married too or very much in a relationship. My mates told me to play the game back. But I cba. Shall I just do this over a text?

If it's good sex. Great, you had good sex. If it was bad, great, you're dumping him anyway. There's nothing wrong with having consensual sex.

Yes, you can dump an arse by text. Just a quick, "this isn't working for me" and done.

Original poster
ForOliveShaker · 07/07/2024 00:14

RisingSunn · 07/07/2024 00:08

Text him now and call everything off. Then enjoy the rest of your weekend.

this sounds so silly, but all I want is the satisfaction of doing it to his face. That’s all I want.

OP posts:

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Dating General relationships Relationship problems
Original poster
ForOliveShaker · 07/07/2024 00:14

MrsTerryPratchett · 07/07/2024 00:08

Annoyingly I’ve had sex with him. I fucking hate myself so much. Be gentle on me please. My confidence is at rock bottom and yes I reckon he’s married too or very much in a relationship. My mates told me to play the game back. But I cba. Shall I just do this over a text?

If it's good sex. Great, you had good sex. If it was bad, great, you're dumping him anyway. There's nothing wrong with having consensual sex.

Yes, you can dump an arse by text. Just a quick, "this isn't working for me" and done.

Categorically the worst sex I’ve had. I had to get on top because he literally was acting like a virgin. That’s what makes me wonder if he even has anyone else. Like how can you be so bad

OP posts:
loropianalover · 07/07/2024 00:15

Forgot to reply to me while on holiday for 10 days

for this alone, end it.

AtrociousCircumstance · 07/07/2024 00:16

Wanting to dump him to his face is a part of still wanting connection with him.

Just end it by text.

Original poster
ForOliveShaker · 07/07/2024 00:19

AtrociousCircumstance · 07/07/2024 00:16

Wanting to dump him to his face is a part of still wanting connection with him.

Just end it by text.

No it’s just a satisfaction thing for me, my replies have been dead. Last message was
him: “sorry I can’t do tonight going to my sisters new house”
me: “oh yeah forgot I even agreed today. I’m out with mates so it wouldn’t have happened”
him: “how’s work been”
me: “busy”
him: how are you
me: busy
him:how’s your weekend been
me: okay thanks

so I can promise I’m giving nothing. I just really want to take my frustration out then walk out. At least get a paid dinner and glass of wine off it.

OP posts:
Original poster
ForOliveShaker · 07/07/2024 00:21

loropianalover · 07/07/2024 00:15

Forgot to reply to me while on holiday for 10 days

for this alone, end it.

Edited

It is such a red flag. Why I even got into this I don’t know. It was when I just split with my ex so I just needed something. I ended up picking a medium ugly guy who doesn’t even want to make an effort😂

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 07/07/2024 00:25

You will categorically not get closure, or satisfaction or whatever you want. I promise you.

Just remember that the best revenge is to live well. That has stood me in very good stead my whole life.

Waterboatlass · 07/07/2024 00:34

Just text and end things and be done with. Why are you even hanging about for someone you describe as 'medium ugly' who messes you about? If your friends are encouraging you to waste more time on this, they're not being great friends. Much better to learn when to end things swiftly when they're not working and move on.

Original poster
ForOliveShaker · 07/07/2024 00:34

MrsTerryPratchett · 07/07/2024 00:25

You will categorically not get closure, or satisfaction or whatever you want. I promise you.

Just remember that the best revenge is to live well. That has stood me in very good stead my whole life.

You’re so right, I think my problem lies in thinking he even cares about what I do. How stupid I am.

OP posts:
Noseybookworm · 07/07/2024 00:36

He can't even be bothered to make a date with you and keep it! Do you really think he's going to be upset if you dump him? Honestly, grow up, stop looking for revenge and send him a text to end it. Then block him and move on with your life! Don't waste another second of your energy thinking about this loser.

loropianalover · 07/07/2024 00:38

ForOliveShaker · 07/07/2024 00:21

It is such a red flag. Why I even got into this I don’t know. It was when I just split with my ex so I just needed something. I ended up picking a medium ugly guy who doesn’t even want to make an effort😂

Show quote history

I get you’re pissed but you’re not coming across as sunshine and roses here either! I agree stop looking for your revenge, just call things off. You’ve listed so many bad things about him but you’re the one who’s stayed….

AccountCreateUsername · 07/07/2024 00:38

ForOliveShaker · 07/07/2024 00:14

this sounds so silly, but all I want is the satisfaction of doing it to his face. That’s all I want.

Show quote history

That’s all very well but he’ll be dicking you around for days whilst you’re trying to arrange a meeting.

Text or ignore is my advice

Original poster
ForOliveShaker · 07/07/2024 00:39

loropianalover · 07/07/2024 00:38

I get you’re pissed but you’re not coming across as sunshine and roses here either! I agree stop looking for your revenge, just call things off. You’ve listed so many bad things about him but you’re the one who’s stayed….

Show quote history

Yeah what I said was a little mean and unwarranted. It’s always a bit of a bitter pill to swallow. But I know, I need to get a grip.

OP posts:
Neveranynamesleft · 07/07/2024 00:39

Stop wasting your energy on a loser. Block and move on.

MrsTerryPratchett · 07/07/2024 00:40

How stupid I am.

Stop that talk.

Listen to Beyoncé or Rage Against the Machine. Eat crap. Watch Thelma and Louise.

Zoflorabore · 07/07/2024 00:49

Op, on the kindest way possible, what on earth are you getting out of this shambles of a “relationship” ?

he’s crap in bed
you think he’s ugly ( medium ugly )
he’s flaky
he’s full of excuses
he doesn’t contact you for 10 days straight
you suspect he has someone else

there is literally nothing to lose here. Dump the loser and know your own worth. You deserve better and more than the tiny crumbs he’s throwing at you.

he is just a frog you’ve met whilst you look for your prince!

Original poster
ForOliveShaker · 07/07/2024 00:52

Zoflorabore · 07/07/2024 00:49

Op, on the kindest way possible, what on earth are you getting out of this shambles of a “relationship” ?

he’s crap in bed
you think he’s ugly ( medium ugly )
he’s flaky
he’s full of excuses
he doesn’t contact you for 10 days straight
you suspect he has someone else

there is literally nothing to lose here. Dump the loser and know your own worth. You deserve better and more than the tiny crumbs he’s throwing at you.

he is just a frog you’ve met whilst you look for your prince!

That makes me a little emotional, I reckon my confidence is just low. My ex of 5 years cheated and dumped me over text last year, and this guy gave me some attention when I was still
in a rough phase with it. But now I want to channel my inner peace more. He’s shifted it more than my ex did.

Sometimes it just feels rough, I need to love myself more I know this

OP posts:
Original poster
ForOliveShaker · 07/07/2024 00:52

MrsTerryPratchett · 07/07/2024 00:40

How stupid I am.

Stop that talk.

Listen to Beyoncé or Rage Against the Machine. Eat crap. Watch Thelma and Louise.

Thank you🥺that means a lot.

OP posts:
Jeannie88 · 07/07/2024 01:04

Nah, the excuses he gives are all different, probably intentionally so. No need to do face to face, just a simple ok I get it and move on! Xx

BobbyBiscuits · 07/07/2024 01:13

He sounds utterly useless. Don't hate yourself for sleeping with him, we've all been there and done it with someone shite, lol.
The problem you face with trying to dump him in person is the number of excuses he'll pull to avoid a face to face meeting!
It's really not worth investing any more time in this cretinous, noncommittal sexual vacuum of a supposed man!

Preq · 07/07/2024 01:18

Realistically the “satisfaction of doing it to his face” won’t be worth the time or effort. Bin him via text, block and move on. As others have said you deserve far more than this flakey person you don’t even sound attracted too, don’t waste anymore time on this man, especially having to take time out to meet him to dump him when he won’t even take the time to reply to messages.

Spuddled · 07/07/2024 01:23

loropianalover · 07/07/2024 00:15

Forgot to reply to me while on holiday for 10 days

for this alone, end it.

Edited

I didn't end it. Worst and most damaging relationship to my self esteem.

Dump.

Cardinalita90 · 07/07/2024 01:32

OP you won't get the chance to dump him in person even if that's what you're set on doing (and I agree with others is a mistake). The man won't actually meet you! It'll drag on and on, and imagine it he ghosts or dumps.you first after his appalling behaviour!

Get in there first by text and know you had the satisfaction of being the one to end it. Or you might end up missing out altogether!